What keeps you where you are?

[Hatchee]

As one half of a dual-national couple with a two-passport child, I often find the discussions here really interesting and relevant. But I wonder something about, broadly speaking, what keeps us where we are. Discussions are often based around big quality-of-life issues, and politics can even come into it too. Obviously these are important. But are things like that what keep you from moving or make you move, or is it more personal?
I'm American and my partner's British. I lived in the UK for many years; we met and had our child there, then moved to the US a few years ago. We look to be settled here now. I could go on about quality-of-life issues, but for me the greater reality is that these are two of the wealthiest countries in the world and it's possible to have a similarly comfortable life in both. When I look at why we remain in the US, I don't necessarily look at larger quality-of-life issues, where there are always tradeoffs between the two countries. And I sure don't look at politics - we probably would have forsaken both our countries and thrown ourselves on the mercy of the Danish embassy if that was the case. I look more at the micro things.
Broadly speaking, I'm not a fan of American suburban sprawl, but I like our walkable, close-to-a-downtown neighborhood. I like our child's school. I like the things I come in contact with in the five-mile radius that makes up most of our daily life. If we'd stayed in the UK, we probably always would have been at least two hours away from my partner's parents. Whereas now we live in my hometown and my parents about 15 minutes away, which is a huge help since we both work fulltime. Plus my relationship with my parents is good, whereas my partner's relationship with parents and siblings is ... we'll call it complicated.
I wonder about this because of course, I do think about broader-picture stuff as well. And I'd love to get other perspectives. When you feel yourself drawn to leaving or staying in a place, what's at the front of your mind? Is it the big issues, or the place you live?

We're both British in the Middle East. We've been here a long time and this is home - it's the only place our kids have ever lived. We stay for the overall lifestyle really - I like the low crime rates, ability to access good schools, ability to have live in help (which takes a massive amount of stress out of having two working parents, particularly with all the school changes during Covid), multicultural society and, of course, the lack of tax. We'd have to take significant pay cuts to go back to the UK (although it is expensive to live here). Plus after the last house move my husband swears he's never moving again. Every summer I do look with jealousy at my friends in the UK though! The bit I hate is the inherent insecurity - if we don't have jobs we'd have to leave as visas are linked to jobs. I've seen multiple people lose jobs and have their lives turn upside down in a matter of hours.

We're Brits loving in the US. Been here 12 years.

I still miss home and obviously that's particularly difficult right now. But we have a much better quality of life here, and usually I get home every 6 months. Our jobs mean we have good healthcare, far better than the NHS provided. I'm a teacher and I work in a small progressive school which is about a million times better than state schools in the UK. We actually like the kids and work positively with them, whereas the UK schools I worked in were so confrontational and limited by exams. I am so much happier in my job. We spend a lot of time teaching about equity and social justice which I really enjoy.

DD was 5 when we moved here so this is home for her. She is due to go to college in a year and is only looking at US ones.

The effort of moving country is huge,I don't know if I have the energy, and we'd have to leave our cats behind.

But gun attacks in schools bother me, a lot. Politics on both sides of the Atlantic make me unhappy. I can't imagine growing old and dying here, but if DD stays here I can't imagine leaving.

We’re still here because we can’t leave (Australia). We’ve been here 11 years and can’t wait to leave.

The weather is unbearable in the summer and the fire season is getting extended every year.

I’ve loved living here but no longer love the country.

We're in Italy and dh is Italian. When we were first married it was a bit of a strain as I really wanted to go back to the UK and felt it would be better for me and the children. Now I am pretty much settled here. The reasons being:

• my kids love it here and feel really Italian
• I have a good job
• dh cannot ever imagine living elsewhere
• Italy is actually pretty amazing*
• Brexit

*even though I will continue to moan about it a lot.

In Canada and will stay till kids finish school.

Just found this thread. I’m also in Italy, like a PP. I came out for a short stay and I’ve now been here for 25 years, it’s totally home to me. I will probably stay here, unless I move to somewhere like the south of France when I retire.

The more I see of the chaos that’s taken hold of the U.K., the more glad I am to be here. I have an Italian DP, Italian DC and Italian pets (not to be underestimated in terms of uprooting).

My reasons for staying here are:

• better food, more sunshine and light in general (I can’t cope with constant grey skies)
• a better place to bring up a child, oddly enough it’s less materialistic and in my experience nobody gets bullied for not having the right trainers. Plus more real food and easier to avoid beige freezer fare/crap children’s meals.
• I’m in the heart of Europe, within easy reach of other countries, I can drive to a different country in just over an hour
• the cost of living is more manageable
• I have always found it easy to get good jobs, in a country that appreciates people who speak other languages. It’s also normal for schoolchildren to keep up at least one foreign language throughout their school career.
• I echo a PP, Italy is pretty fab, despite its foibles (and the politics).

The sad thing is when DC finish school and university they probably won’t stay in Italy. My DD is already talking about moving abroad, but then she is multilingual with a European/international outlook so will hopefully have a lot of opportunities open to her, more so than what is on offer to young people here, unfortunately.

@Melassa sounds amazing. Why would you move to France to retire? I'm stuck in the north of Europe and I dream of moving back home (France) just to be home! So what keeps me here is the fact that I haven't found a way to leave yet.

[quote Almondmilk]@Melassa sounds amazing. Why would you move to France to retire? I'm stuck in the north of Europe and I dream of moving back home (France) just to be home! So what keeps me here is the fact that I haven't found a way to leave yet.[/quote]
I just like the south of France, not so much the Côte d’Azur but further along. Or else Normandue but the weather is too much like the UK. I worked in France in the early 90s and would have stayed, but the job finished so I moved to Italy to perfect my rusty Italian (I have Italian family) and never left.
It’s been easier in Italy integrating and getting jobs, or at least in my experience. I do miss France though and we visit often, either for a long weekend just over the border or for a summer holiday.

Is it difficult for you to leave and move to France because you have a less portable partner? I know finding a senior level job is difficult without the French education and often the grandes écoles as well, which is why I was thinking of waiting to retire rather than attempt to look for a senior management job in, say, Lyon. I also have a partner who is not really portable, with a niche job and not much in the way of language skills. He has said he would follow me anywhere but then I would probably need to support him, which would impact our quality of life, unless I find an opportunity paying mega €€€€ (which he would probably fritter away buying loads of cheese while I’m at work). Also, without a job and without the language it can be lonely and depressing, so that would also put me off as he’ll end up resenting the move at some stage.

Whilst OH's hoarded rubbish will have to be shipped.

Oh I'm so sorry @citychick that sounds so hard. Could you find a special shipping services where you pack and ship and it's never seen again. ?

DH is English , I’m continental and both of us had lived in 3 different countries before we met. At first, I fancied going to the Middle East and Singapore for a few years as I found living in different countries and cultures fascinating. However, DH got to the stage in life when he was building his London career so we just settled in London.
I do love London but it’s also easy to travel from here. It’s also v easy to visit my family as there are several direct flights every day and they’re only a short drive from the airport so I go over several times a year.

The point being that London was a bit incidental as that’s where I met DH but it works.