To think it's only worth moving abroad with a great expat package

[Hotchocolatemonster]

After moving from our lovely home in UK to Southern California because of hubby's work, I have learned that such move is only worth it if it comes with a lucrative expat package (mega salary, free/subsidised accommodation,private schools for kids, company cars, etc) because OMG coastal SC ridiculously expensive!

In our case, sadly, we didn't move with such package. We went straight into hard landing.

DH' new company paid for the move, offered 2-month free accommodation and one-month free car. Now looking back, that's a very poor offer for someone who move across the ocean with school age kids. After landing, we were left in a deep helpless situation to find housing in a very short time, had to buy a car with no credit history... needless to say, the first 3 months were very depressing for me as I am the one who has to sort out all the housing, cars, new schools, papers...

Even though DH got a 6-figure salary which is much higher than the average here, but after the eye watering tax, housing cost, we are left with not much more than we were earning in UK.

Now we have finally settle a bit and I am able to breath a bit. But the high cost of living here is in my mind everyday. And more horror : we have zero college savings for our two kids, have zero retirement plan for me (I can't work yet due to visa)...

And now come to the biggest horror: house!
I don't know how everyone afford living here. Our neighborhood has a minimum of $1.2 million starting price for anything that's not immediately next to a busy road or a tiny box condo. There's no way we can afford 1 million house. There are cheaper neighborhood, but they don't come with the good schools, and some of them are really shabby.

Other expats I have met here either came several years ago before the local housing market went crazy, or they came as company internal transfer and with great benefit. Or they are single, or young couples with no kids.

I like SD when it's sunny and we go outdoor a lot. But hey, how could anyone afford living here? !

I think your problem is that you didn’t research your destination Before deciding to emigrate. I’ve lived in five different countries on three continents longterm, and have ever had an ‘expat package‘, or indeed, considered myself an expat. My only rule is to move somewhere you really want to live.

Cost of living, housing costs, tax etc are easily researchable, and surely you knew you’d have to sort out schools, cars etc?

Kelp,

Yes I did spend a lot of time researching before commiting to the move. I didn't want to move as I already felt its too expensive, but hubby insisted and saying we would have a better life. He's just so determined to come, like no pulling back!
Since we landed the housing price here has gone up again, in fact it has never stopped rising. We planned the move 10 months ago and at that time there were some houses on market in our affordability but since landing they all went up and exceeded.
I did know we needed to sort out the cars but never expected it to be so painful without the US driving license and credit history...

During your multiple international moves, were you single or with family?

I don’t really understand, surely you don’t need to live in that neighbour hood? You can move to others?

The question here is did you move for the experience or did you move for financial benefit. If the latter it was not a good decision, if for the experience then it’s not about the money.

But if you can’t buy in your neighbourhood then look further out and increase the commute,

University options don't have to be expensive ones. Scholarships are available and you also have community colleges so your children will have options for higher education.

I agree with both pp. Sounds like you are in a tough situation because your research wasn't thorough enough. I know SC is eye wateringly expensive, my db lives there, but there is no way could I afford to.

I have moved had 4 international moves by myself or dh /me and 3 moves with dcs (4 is happening in August) . Never had an massive expat package, although we are teachers, so obviously when we research schools, we think about our dcs. It's one less thing to sort out when we get there.
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Were you working back home? Is the difference your loss of salary? When people i met complain about the cost of raising a family overseas, I often wonder if they have dropped to a single income. When your work permit comes through, will you get a job?

I hope things get better for you, living overseas is an amazing experience.

It really depends on your expectations and what sort of move you want. We didn't come on an expat package at all (I have US citizenship and was able to sponsor dh). We didn't live in Manhattan or LA or SF, though.

If you're going for a short period and don't want or aren't able to spend the time into building up again then yes, I suppose you should only go on a fancy package. If you want or need to be able to live in a very expensive area, same again. Which you are. It's the same with Americans who go to the UK and are surprised that their wages won't allow them to live in central London, I'd say.

As for university do keep in mind that public universities are much cheaper than private. Yes, the University of California will cost you more than community college, but it should be doable between parent contribution + student loans.

I wholeheartedly agree OP. Those packages are quite rare now sadly. We spent over a decade moving on those packages and life was good. Our last move was with all moving costs (including pets) 12 months rent, 2 flights home per year (family of 5) Green cards, salary increase, free health insurance etc and it still was nowhere near as easy. We are ok because we both work, but it was a fucking hard move compared to all the other moves.

How much can house prices have increased in 10 months? Not THAT much surely?

And you could always rent!

You sound like you have high expectations, OP. Someone could just as easily move to London and complain that buying a house in a nice neighbourhood costs at least a million pounds. And they'd just get told to buy somewhere cheaper, rent, or don't move to London!

I've moved internationally twice. Once pre kids and once after. Like PP above I would never call myself an "expat". I'm an immigrant. I saved up what I needed for the move, I researched the shit out of property and rental prices, as well as car prices and everything else, made sure I had a big contingency fund, and then went.

I disagree . I think it can be worth moving overseas without an ‘expat package’ - so many people do this. Not everyone moves countries purely for financial reasons . Sometimes it’s for a different culture, less crowds, better climate . I know a lot of families that would be better off financially if they went back to the UK. I remember my Californian friend complaining about the high housing costs in the 90’s. It’s a desirable place . Do you think you’re maybe trying to live at a standard above your means? I mean like if a family moved from the north east to London and expected the same sized home etc ?

I agree with PP re better research, but I'm not sure why your children have to go to college there? They could return to UK surely and get a better education for less. We are foreigners living in USA now too but have already told our children that they will not be attending university/college in USA unless there is a programme here they feel they must do that is not available in our (much cheaper and arguably better) home country. Depending on how old your kids are, you may still have time to save for much lower uni costs elsewhere.

We didn't move to Canada with a package and got on just fine but we moved somewhere we could afford and aren't big spenders anyway! We were probably financially better off in the UK but the quality of life we have now has made it 100% worth it

Didn’t get expat pkg. Managed fine. It is bloody expensive and yes there were things we hadn’t thought through (including pensions, paying for university for three kids, and getting a whacking great mortgage approaching our forties) but we didn’t do it for the money. Sometimes you have to work for what you want and go for it, instead of having someone else pay for it on your behalf. Personal responsibility and all that. Do your research and go for it, depending on whether your priorities are financial or otherwise.

I moved to Australia with no “package” I paid for a visa, shipping, my own rent etc and got a job. I am doing just fine! I think it depends entirely on where you are going and what you are doing and what your expectations are. Oh and how much you are being paid compared to the normal wage THERE not in the UK

We moved to Australia with no package, all self-funded. We didn't even have jobs! Yes it was tough for a while but we made it work and it was well worth it. It sounds like you didn't do enough research, and that you kind of expect a lot! Emigration is bloody hard work and you really have to make it work for you. We lived in a horrible little house when we got here, and bought an ancient beater of a car, but we were able to better our situation very quickly.

@Nandocushion

I agree with PP re better research, but I'm not sure why your children have to go to college there? They could return to UK surely and get a better education for less. We are foreigners living in USA now too but have already told our children that they will not be attending university/college in USA unless there is a programme here they feel they must do that is not available in our (much cheaper and arguably better) home country. Depending on how old your kids are, you may still have time to save for much lower uni costs elsewhere.

In order to get home fees in UK you must have been living there for 3 years prior to enrolment. If kids have been in the USA for high school they would have to pay overseas fees, which can be £20K a year. Might as well study at an American public university at that price. Canadian fees for American students are not too bad, so that's also an option.

The flexibility of American degrees can be a real plus point for some though.

(yes I know that some expats are able to claim that they are ordinarily resident in the UK but if you have sold your property etc you may not be able to do so)

We moved abroad without any package. Had to find a house to rent initially and took my British car to begin with. My employer provided us with a nursery place for DS but we've still got to pay for it like anyone else. I've now got a new car, we've bought a house here after having sold ours in the UK and both DH and I have jobs. We earn more than we did in the UK but living costs seem higher. I have to admit, we work less, though. I'm changing jobs in the summer so we'll see whether that will change again.

Well I agree with your thread title, and with others that you didn't do your research well enough. I'm sure where you live is nice though and you can have a good life once you get used to things.

I live in a very expensive Asian country - but did not agree to come out until my package included medical for my entire family; private school places for my children; a good salary; job prospects for my DH and a generous housing allowance. I pushed back on their original offer because I felt the housing allowance was not enough for a family of 4 and I would not come until they raised it a bit. But it took a LOT of research first. We are now in a position where we are saving large amounts which is why we came here, and (pre covid) we enjoyed a lot of travel etc.

There are many expats in this country who do not research properly. They then can't believe the astronomical cost of living, and on top of that have to fork out for medical insurance and school. They are usually very quick to leave.

I don’t think you did enough research. Did you visit the area before you moved? What was your objective in moving: experience or financial reward?
Dh and I were expats for 25 years (in the process of returning to uk). Our first ‘package’ was not that great, but we wanted the experience, had no children and I was able to work and we used this money to travel and explore the area. Dh’s final contract was in China and we had an excellent package (company paid for accommodation, school, car, driver, utilities, healthcare, travel allowance etc), but this type of package is becoming quite rare. We initially moved to China for the experience and the opportunity to travel in Asia, but when our initial contract was extended we stayed for financial reasons.

I've done 3 international moves, never with an expat package or even help with moving costs. I've always had to organise and pay for everything myself and I have managed fine. It's about doing careful research so you know what to expect when you arrive.

To me it sounda like your expectations are not inline with the reality of where you live. If your neighbourhood is too expe sive for you, then more to another one, you've said that there are cheaper options available. Life isn't perfect and we rarely get everything we want. Your trade off experiencing life in a foreogn country is living in a smaller house and not sending your kids to the best schools. You sound like you are too fiixated on money and status and the luxuries or expat living but the minority of immigrants live the kind of lifestyle you seem to want for yourself. Its worth baring in mind that the majority of immigrants move to countries where they do low skilled and low paid jobs, you're in a better position than most. California is full of latin American immigrants who work 4 jobs to make ends meet and live in one room with their whole family. Compare 9 your situation to theirs rather than the tech billionaires.

@Hotchocolatemonster it sounds like it's been a bit of a tough time adjusting, especially if you are the one having to deal with all the stuff on the ground. Are you feeling homesick/overwhelmed by the move?

I'm also not quite sure why you are looking at houses if you are an expat. My understanding of that term would be someone, who is in that country because their company asked them to. It's short term and I'd expect expats to move again after a few years. Buying a house or getting kids into university therefore wouldn't matter.
If you are planning on staying, you're an immigrant and have to build up your life same as everyone else. I'm not sure why you'd expect everything to be provided for you.
If you can't afford to rent where you are, then move. It took us a year to find a house we could afford to buy in a commutable location. Finding it was pure luck and it needs a lot of work doing to it. We've been living on a building site for months because we can't afford to pay rent and a mortgage at the same time. The area we're in is quite expensive, too.
DS will go to private school but only because I want him to learn to read and write in English and the cost of private education is much lower than it would have been in the UK.

Schools, housing, pension schemes and how to finance were literally among the first things I researched when we wanted to move to Oz (didn't in the end). I wasn't even pregnant at the time but knew I wanted kids so looked at affordable family homes and schools in acceptable neighbourhoods.

It's nice that you want to live in a millionairs neighbourhood but it sounds like you're not millionairs so you will have to adjust your expectations. Hell, plenty of people would love to live in Kensington and send a child to private school but can't afford that either. Time to come down to earth for you.

You could have bought a second hand car outright instead of trying to get credit.

With family.

From your update, it sounds as if the real problem is that you didn’t want to go, and I say again that the majority of the things your struggling with are entirely predictable when you arrive in a new country — no credit history, overseas driving licence, finding schools and somewhere to live, lack of university savings, you on a visa that means you can’t yet work.

I’m sympathetic as you are clearly overwhelmed, but as a previous poster said, you sound as if you’ve confused ‘expat’ with ‘immigrant’ — this is all just part of the (tough) process of starting up life in a new country.

Sorry, ‘YOU”RE struggling with’.