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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

I hate it here

28 replies

SadInSaudi · 08/05/2019 06:39

NC so I can be really honest.

I really really hate living here. I'm an expat in Saudi Arabia and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I've lived here for over two years and I can't see myself growing to love this country. I've lived abroad for 12 years in total and in other GCC countries so it's not like I'm not used to how things are done, but I cannot warm to this place. My DH has gone off to work in a huff because I need to know where I want to go that will make me happy apparently but how would I know that? I work so I do get some variety and structure, I live on a compound and have friends, but I just don't like being here.

Does anyone else feel this way? I've read that two years is how long you're meant to give somewhere to settle in. I was never much of a homebody before but I've spent 12 years away from home (UK) and feeling like I'm missing out, but am I?

Sorry for the ramble, hitting me hard today

OP posts:

TemporaryPermanent · 08/05/2019 07:09

Was there anywhere in that 12 years that you liked?

Saudi sounds hard going for anyone.

What's your joint plan? is this temporary? are you aiming for early retirement, back to the UK in a few years or what?

Mummaofmytribe · 08/05/2019 07:14

I live overseas (not like Saudi) and it's been a very up and down 13 yrs so far!
However when we were kids, my parents did the Saudi thing. We were in a UK/USA compound on the outskirts of Riyadh.
My mother threw the towel in after 14 months and we left. I think my father was furious but she was adamant

ShanghaiDiva · 08/05/2019 07:20

Saudi sounds like a tough posting. How long is your dh's/your contract for?
I have spent 24 years outside the UK and am ready to go back next year. I don't feel that I am missing out, but am so fed up of the expat life - first world problem, I know.

Curious1981 · 08/05/2019 07:20

You’re in a country that is not an easy one to “love”.

You’ve given it a damn good shot. You’re not happy and that is unlikely to change. Time to move

Snipples · 08/05/2019 07:38

We're in the Middle East also but Saudi is a different beast entirely. If you're not happy OP then you need to sit down with DH and work out options and move elsewhere. We are happy where we are but have agreed a plan for moving home eventually. If one of us was miserable then we would move back sooner. That's the deal!

SolitudeAtAltitude · 08/05/2019 07:44

Time to plan your next destination?

I lived abroad with DH for 10yrs, and the last 2 yrs were in a difficult country where I just could not make it work.

We moved back to the UK, I am so happy here now

Your DH needs to listen to you

yoursworried · 08/05/2019 07:46

I lived abroad a lot before children. Also lived in Saudi for 2 years and it was the toughest post we ever had. I had friends, the life was okay but I was very glad to leave. DH earnt loads but it wasn't worth the pay off of living there. I've enjoyed pretty much everywhere else I've found myself living

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 07:47

There was someone on AMA recently who lived in Saudi. She seemed to be making the best of it and just viewed it as a way of saving up so they could buy a house when they come home - ie a means to an end.

Original poster

SadInSaudi · 08/05/2019 08:51

Thank you all for your kind words. I may inadvertently know the OP from that AMA thread as it appears we live on the same compound.

I think the lack of plan might be where I'm falling down, ie, having no end point and this being my future forever, which sounds dramatic I know. DH is normally reasonable. I guess I've always seen myself as a bit of a fighter, stiff upper lip type person making the best of a situation but this feeling I have, won't go away.

I'm going to ask DH if we can begin looking at exit plans, perhaps he can get a transfer somewhere else.

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 08/05/2019 08:53

Why have you lived abroad all this time, is it something you wanted to do, or DH? If the latter, are you still willing to do it?

Where might you prefer to try living?

Original poster

SadInSaudi · 08/05/2019 08:57

Temporary I think we would like enough to have a good chunk of savings, another couple of years and we really could do that. DH has two (very expensive!) children to pay for in the UK and they're almost out of full time education, so it would make sense to wait until then.

OP posts:

Original poster

SadInSaudi · 08/05/2019 09:00

loopy We lived in Bahrain before moving to Saudi and it was for DH career, which has gone from strength to strength. I've managed to carve a niche for myself out here so I haven't taken a back seat by any means, but the huge projects are here which is what he absolutely loves doing and it may impact his growth/reputation if he leaves now.

OP posts:

Original poster

SadInSaudi · 08/05/2019 09:02

Sorry didn't answer all of your question loopy that's the thing I don't know! I quite fancy going to the far east but I'm aware that has its limitations.. or back to the UK. It may be that I'm seeing things with rose tinted spectacles - we left in 2007 and I'm sure it's a different place, but family, friends are there..

OP posts:

ShanghaiDiva · 08/05/2019 09:18

I agree with you, I think having a plan and exit time is the key. We lived in Austria for four years and most of the time I hated it - village life, bloody snow for six months of the year, knowing there was an exit point was one of the few things that kept me sane.

Loopytiles · 08/05/2019 09:18

Right, so sounds like he has left his teen DC in order to pursue his career and high earnings, and you have gone with him and worked hard to make the best of it.

I guess you need to decide whether you’re still willing to do this, eg for financial reasons and/or for your H, for a specified time period. Sounds like you are.

dramalamma · 08/05/2019 09:43

I've been abroad most of my life and I thought we were going to carry on until we had a tough posting (not as tough as Saudi!) and when we sat down together to re-evaluate we realised we'd had enough of the whole shebang. What I mean is that we were fine until we suddenly weren't fine. What I think you need to work out is whether you think it's this posting that you're done with or the whole expat thing. I know you said your dh was cross but could you plan a calm moment to sit down together and work out what you are both thinking. Money is all very well but we only have a finite amount of time in our lives and, for me, the time you spend being miserable is too precious to waste - you don't get back.
We moved back a couple of years ago now and couldn't be happier. I really like being able to plan for what happens in a couple of years and put down some roots rather than being somewhere at the whim of DH's company. Some people struggle but if you are ready, I think you'll know.

Mummy20192 · 08/05/2019 09:59

Op I grew up in Riyadh, spent most of my teenage/ early 20s there. Yes my parents made lots of tax free money and my parents had amazing careers but I missed out on living normal “life”. I know Saudi has changed a lot now but it’s still Saudi!

I think you can never have enough money, I think you need to balance and enjoy life as well... maybe try to get a balance.. maybe do A few long holidays to uk a year.. but you only get one life and if your in a financial position to be somewhere you are happy with, then live there...

My husband and I can get very good well paid jobs in Mideast, but I would rather live in a chaotic “brexiting” uk, where life is “real” than in a posh villa in Saudi.

Original poster

SadInSaudi · 08/05/2019 12:28

Where were you if you don't mind me asking drama? You're all right and make some very sensible comments, particularly as my head is swimming and I can't seem to think straight. Between us, DH and I are earning a good amount of money but is it worth it? Right now, no. We are contractually obliged by our compound to be here until March 2020, so at the very earliest we could leave then.

Mummy that's really interesting you say that and it would have been so much more difficult then. I've noticed big steps forward in the last two years and I've tried to tune into it, I'm just struggling. Exit planning is a good idea, DH apologised for snapping this morning, he knows I'm unhappy.

OP posts:

dreichuplands · 09/05/2019 21:03

I think there is a big difference mentally between a no end in sight posting and one with even a rough ending.
I'm not totally loving the US at present but DH and I are clear it isn't forever so I can ride out another couple of years.
Ironically I found our Latin American posting much easier in many ways. It can be hard to know what you are really walking into.

Jellycat1 · 11/05/2019 08:36

OP I am not far from you and sometimes I feel the same even though i am no way restricted like you are. We have an exit point too, as the kids will be going back to school in the uk in a few years. However I know that if I put my foot down about it and managed to get our ducks in a row back in the uk before then - work and school wise - then we would go back whenever I want. Same if DH suddenly wanted to. I couldn't imagine feeling completely stuck and I'm sure that must be contributing to your hating the place. Also Saudi is really not for the faint hearted. Is there no option to live back in Bahrain and commute?

mmgirish · 22/05/2019 16:26

Oh dear. I'm moving to Saudi this summer too. I really hope it's not a mistake...

EatCheese · 22/05/2019 20:46

Hi, I’ll offer my opinion from a male engineers perspective. I’ve worked on expat deals in various places for about 7 years. I was offered a job in Saudi, which I turned down after researching living conditions.

This sounds harsh, but the info I got from every single person in a similar career to me, working in Saudi, was that the country has no redeeming features whatsoever. The only reason to be there is money. This would be very hard on a non working spouse.

That’s not the case other places I’ve worked, where my wife has come with me and we have both found it interesting and enjoyable.

I don’t think it is fair that one party in a marriage should be quite unhappy living somewhere. There is always another job and always another place to live. So my suggestion is that you and your husband come up with an exit plan and that the exit should be less than a year away.

MiraculousMarinette · 22/05/2019 20:51

OP, I'm just being nosey here, what is it that you dislike about Saudi?

Backwoodsgirl · 22/05/2019 20:54

Sounds tough, we moved to the USA. Am back in the UK on holiday and wishing I was back home in the US.

You need to do what is right for you

bluejelly · 22/05/2019 21:48

There's more to life than money. I wouldn't move to SA if you paid me £200k.
Sorry OP probably not helpful. But seriously, there must be a better way of earning a living?

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