anyone moved back and regretted it?

[luckybird07]

We have had a pretty special decade out in the US, managed to buy a home in a good school district- kids are guaranteed excellent schools through till 18- always worth a lot. But in the last year as my folks have neared their 80's I have become increasingly homesick. I question why we moved here before we had kids and had no idea how sad it would feel to have so little contact with family members.

I had a good 7 years off as a stay home mum- LOVED that mostly. Now I am back to work and i guess the grind of life is more apparent- I leave at 7 am get home at 5.30- house always a mess, little time for fitness/relaxing. I may just still be in shcok at being back at work after those halcyon stay home mum years when I just felt so content.

We keep looking at rightmove for the UK and yet i have this unnerving sensation that it may not be possible to go back? In our mid/late 40s so not far off that age you may be less employable. I earn a good 20% more here than I would in a UK job that would entail more hours. We have a massive 500K mortgage which is manageable but the thought of buying a modest 250 k home in the UK, not having a mortgage and the freedom to work less hours really appeals.
Does anyone else feel like this? It may be we are donning rose tinted glasses-the kids only know life in the US and are happy in school. Yet life in the UK seems safer- no worries about losing health insurance if you lose or give up a job- that alone can cost $1200 a month if not covered by an employer as ours is now.
Maybe it is because my dad has been sick and I just feel so sad I cannot pop in to see them on a weekend like my former school friends can and do if they stayed in the home town.

Anyone moved and regretted it? Anyone found a way to reduce that sense of longing for your homeland even though life in the new country has been very positive.
Obvioulsy Trump and the gun situation bring a dampener all of their own...
Not sure if this is just middle aged longing for escape or a genuine preference to live back in the UK, in spite of all the positives in the US- the relentless sunshine being one that I suspect we now take for granted.

Moved back from Latin America 3 years ago. We all feel homesick and are now making plans for our next move once DC finish A-levels. Brexit has played a large part in our final decision not to stay.

Stupo She meant that there are other parts of the US available...not that they're the same as the UK.

Yeah - I'm not being very eloquent. My point is that there is nowhere in the UK that matches where I live in the US for feeling safe, for not bothering to lock doors, people being friendly and helpful, etc. It's not just that I wouldn't find that in London - I wouldn't find it anywhere.

But I should probably stop trying to do three things at once :-)

I'm not assuming London but London is a reasonable comparison for the city I live in. I have lived in London and more recently in a lovely northern city. ( I don't think the parcel thieves only select parcels with off shore tax arrangements.)
I don't think I would want to make the US my forever home, culturally it's not the best fit for me as current politics is highlighting for me but that doesn't mean that there aren't positives to living here. They should be acknowledged.
My dd is doing a school project about cultural roots and it made her very tearful even though she says that she prefers her school here and has really good friends (both true), homesickness is a real thing but like any strong emotion it may not be a sensible thing to act on in isolation.

Thanks- lots of very pertinent points. Just got back from a charming school event and looked at the bucolic surroundings, sun setting against the mountains, amber infused light and thought how shocked the kids would be to live in the UK grey winter. It rains so rarely that it is a total novelty for them but I think the climate could be a shock for them. My kids are 6 and 8 so we do still have time before secondary school to make the decision- I reckon 11 is the cut off in my mind. Husband in film industry, in a dying technology area. I think I have been in a bit of a fug- my dad had a big operation today and I already feel better knowing he is out the other side of it.
When I look at the northern town my folks live in the house prices seem really quite high to live in a provincial place where you do well to make 40 k a year....at least in the US they give the generous salaries to pay the massive mortgage down.
Thing is if you live in a democrat state, you meet so few republicans that you kind of live in your as far from Trump as possible bubble so to a certain extent we are protected from the kid of red neck element which is found in huge swathes of the country. Our state also has some of strictest gun laws so again we are not reminded of that so much.
I think we keep on trucking till the job ends for my DH and then if he cannot get a similar job we are forced to make a decision. I just cannot see what job I would do in the UK. My job is not boring but intensely stressful at times so it is natural I sometimes seek escape from its pressures. Maybe I can get that without us returning to the UK just yet.

Op, I think the bottom line is that your husbands job is coming to an end soon and decisions should be based on that.

But, you’ve also said how much you dislike working as a teacher both in the States and in the UK. In fact you’ve said you couldn’t go back to teaching in the Uk. Can you retrain? Or is it more of a reality that you prefer to be a SAHM and until you’re back in that role you’ll be unsettled?

Also, 4 years without seeing your parents - did it bother you at the time or could you justify it to yourself/rationalise it in order to live it? If so could you do it again in order to concentrate your thoughts on the employment issues that are looming.

Op, sorry I hadn’t seen your latest post when I started my reply. I’m posting in fits and starts.

@stupomax, you’d find it in plenty of places in Scotland.

We are in the Middle East and looking at a similar decision - we have an 8 year old and I feel secondary is a leave or commit moment. However we are mentally 'parking' the decision until we know what Brexit really means. I already worry about education funding, and the exodus of good teachers in the UK, who knows how much worse the situation in secondary schools could get if the economy goes into meltdown.

You could work part time in the U.K. as a teacher or do tutoring etc. Not as well paid but then you'd have the smaller mortgage.

stupomax, you’d find it in plenty of places in Scotland

I'm from Scotland...

Oops! I never lock my car doors (locking mechanism broke about four years ago) and the DC rarely remember to lock the house doors.

TBF if I went back it would ideally be to the north of Scotland, or the Borders - it is lovely there.

Polly at the time we simply could not stretch to the 5 k flight cost due to being on one income and we kept thinking every year that my folks would come and visit and then it did not happen so it was not the intention to leave it 4 years. Strangely I have felt more homesick from actually seeing them and spending time with them.
I think that before you have children you just don't know how it will be and I just question whether the quality of life we get as a family of 4 is really worth the loss of regular contact with parents/friends.Just been on a beautiful hike and watched the sunset and yes it was beautiful but I just felt sad that I can't drive over and have Sunday dinner with my parents tomorrow. I think that you also don't realize how much your parents age from 70 to 80 and I just feel such an ache to be close to them and support them and give them the distraction and pleasures that grandkids can bring. Probably sensible to wait to see what happens with brexit. I also think that teh early years of being home with kids are different- your purpose is very clear, but once they are in school having a job is not a bad thing as I suspect that that workless life could bring its own set of problems. I just want a job that does not consume so much of me. It is odd how the homesickness has only kicked in in the last year or so- when we are both working and in what I suspect are the hard work years of life wherever you are.

stpancras- yes that is also a concern for me. I know so many people who have left teaching as it has become such a demanding job that people are just not willing to work like that, under immense pressure for a living wage in most parts of the country. Teachers work less hours here and get paid more so although it is still an intense job, teachers seem to stick around more. I also like that there is far less teach to the test in the US. We were at a school fundraiser last night and the kids said how much they love their school and I questioned what if we take them from this life they are happy with and we find that they are less happy with a UK experience.

It is hard when your parents are getting older and you are so far away and it is sad they don't get to see the grandchildren more often; however it will be difficult for you to move back when you are all settle and got good jobs and good schools. Your kids are still young so I think they will adapt if your circumstances change and you have to move.

I moved to the UK over 10 years ago; I found what I was looking for here and can't complain; however recently I have felt sad the kids don't get to see their grandparents more often. DH is from another overseas country, even further away than mine. Kids are happy and settle here; they were born in the UK. I work part time and can spend lots of time with them. I also miss my country sunny weather but try to remember the reasons I moved and the things I have here which I can't have there.
You can't have everything and everything has a price.

It is strange how some people have moved from the UK and found what they were looking for in other countries and some people moved from their home countries and found what they were looking for in the U.K.