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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Pressure to be living ‘the good life ‘

27 replies

comfortandjoy · 12/08/2018 10:53

Do you ever get this feeling living overseas?
The last trip back to the UK has left me feeling homesick and wondering what I’m doing living thousands of miles away. I was having an uneventful weekend , I went to yoga , drove to the supermarket in the car , no plans for the evening and it hit me that I could do this at home in the UK - I feel like I should be living this great life making the most of what NZ has to offer to make it worth missing my family and old friends and my kid not having more family in her life.

(Came here 12 years ago )

OP posts:
echt · 12/08/2018 12:45

What could you be doing in NZ that would constitute the good life? Is it do-able? Do you want to do it?

Why are you living in NZ, do you want to or have to? In the end you have to live where you are, as an friend of mine said who got pissed off and homesick in Australia.

Sorry to sound so inquisitive.

NameChangedNow · 12/08/2018 12:47

Yeah I am not allowed to have ANY COMPLAINTS about my life when I talk to my UK friends because I live in 'paradise'...

UKmumintheUSA · 12/08/2018 14:48

I feel the same 18 months in. I had to go back to the UK last month for a funeral and it’s made me even more homesick. If I say anything to my husband though I just get told well we have such a better life here/more things to entertain us (currently sat around wondering what to do today 🤔)

Same shit different location I guess but without the friends and family which I miss so much.

12FreeRangeEggs · 12/08/2018 17:57

I have had these paradise issues too. I’ve lived in UK, USA, Switzerland other parts Europe and a Caribbean island. Loved them all apart from the Caribbean, i hated that. It was too hot, unsafe, not welcoming, boring etc etc i could go on. But i was always being asked why i wasn’t at the beach. It really bothered me. I think that all my friends assumed that i lived at the beach and would go there everyday and was some sort of beach hippy. Sometimes i would reluctantly go to the beach just so when mum called i could say “yea, went to the beach this week”. People are just pushing their ideology onto you. Your life is your life, live it how it suits you.

Original poster
comfortandjoy · 12/08/2018 20:38

Thanks fir replying - just reading them with my morning toast.
Echt- I suppose I feel I should be doing active things, kayaking rapids or other active stuff in the great outdoors ? DP and I are indoorsy types except from bush walks and beaches which we do. But mainly it’s normal mundane life .

I’m here because of kiwi DP.His parents have died during our time here and my DD feels like this is her home.

I have lived in other countries before but much closer to home , in Europe. I’m just so conscious that being this far away , and only affording to go back every 3-5 years I could actually count how many times I’m going to see my parents again in my life. I’m 45.
I think our lifestyle would be achievable in the UK. It took us many years to get to this stage though, find jobs , find the right area, buy a home etc. I’m conscious that we’d have to start at the beginning again with a UK move.
12freerange- I know , I feel better when I can say I’ve been down the beach for a walk . 😊

OP posts:
Unobtainable · 12/08/2018 22:27

I have a friend in NZ - all her children have gone to Australia for work and her husband recently left her. Her parents are dead. She’s 57 and wondering what to do. Go to Oz or back to the UK. Its a tricky one.

americanlife · 13/08/2018 06:14

Comfort I have been having the same kind of thoughts. After 9 years, I am missing family and realizing that life is often mundane so you may as well be around the people who are family.
Not sure how it will get solved but feeling homesick after a trip back to the UK recently.

Original poster
comfortandjoy · 13/08/2018 06:30

I know a retired woman who is still wondering whether to ‘ go home’ it must be quite common. So many university educated Kiwis leave NZ as well so it’s likely you get left alone from all family

OP posts:
Original poster
comfortandjoy · 13/08/2018 06:33

Americanlife It is hard after a trip back. I am usually glad to get back to my life . But not this time. Is your DP from the other country?

OP posts:
echt · 13/08/2018 12:53

OP, thinking of your indoorsy type life, do you like bookish, arty-farty-stuff. Are any venues near? I say this as I am in Melbourne, home of arty-fartiness.

Don't strain to do the kayaking - quelle horreur. The bush walks, etc. suit you, so go for it. You don't need to prove anything, do what you enjoy.

RedNed · 13/08/2018 19:38

This was me on my last trip home at Christmas. I just really didn't want to return to the UK after 10 years.

I'm moving back to Aus in September and just excited to be so much closer to my family!

Original poster
comfortandjoy · 13/08/2018 20:32

Echt Yes! How did you guess. I am more interested in art stuff( make art too) There are a couple of galleries in my suburb, occasional events in the cbd but it’s nothing like Melbourne. I visited a few times pre kids. It had such a buzz and even the people in the art spaces seemed so welcoming .
To be honest my set up here is pretty good - it’s just the distance from family , as parents get older. And daughter not having extended family for Christmas, birthdays , school plays etc.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 13/08/2018 20:37

It sounds like you chose to live where your DP preferred, and (understandably) dislike some of the consequences of that choice.

Since returning probably isn’t now an option, unless your DP agreed (eg legal barriers to returning with DC, disruption for DC) probably best just to make the best of it, by doing as much as you can of the things you enioy.

chocatoo · 13/08/2018 20:40

I completely understand. There's no guarantee that extended family will be around even if you move back home. However, if I was in your shoes I would move home.

BookWitch · 13/08/2018 21:17

I completely get this.
I have just come back to the UK after 14 years in Asia.
I had a large house, a maid and my kids went to Private school, bills footed by DH's company. Weather was hot and sunny all year round and we went to some amazing places
Everyone I knew in the UK assumed it was paradise and I could not utter one word of complaint or less than being deliriously happy being there.

I've moved back now, I am finally in my own house (I've lived in some amazing houses - all rented therefore not mine), I'm near family and I feel like I am at ''home". Not a feeling to be underestimated.

DreamingofSunshine · 13/08/2018 21:20

I can relate OP. I live in a European coastal area but hand on heart, I couldn't care less about being able to go cycling/kayaking/sailing after work or at the weekend. It might make other people happy but it doesn't make me happy.

DownUdderer · 14/08/2018 07:20

People can definitely imagine you live in a paradise when you live abroad.

Find things everyday that make you happy:)

echt · 14/08/2018 13:37

Echt Yes! How did you guess. I am more interested in art stuff( make art too) There are a couple of galleries in my suburb, occasional events in the cbd but it’s nothing like Melbourne. I visited a few times pre kids. It had such a buzz and even the people in the art spaces seemed so welcoming

Your post resonated for me as I like the hikes and beach walks of Oz, but can't be doing with with bungee-jumping. My late DH and I loved the books/art/music scene of Melbourne, and I still do it all.

As an aside, and not to piss on your chips, but by coincidence, in the last five years I've encountered four women whose chaps all pined for and loved the regional life. And lived it. All the women wanted to live near the CBD, wear black, drink coffee in the Lanes and ponce around art galleries and theatres. And didn't.

I'm not saying LTB, and hope all goes well with you.

Original poster
comfortandjoy · 14/08/2018 20:32

Loopytiles. It was me that suggested moving to NZ as London was getting too expensive-I thought NZ would be easier. But so much has changed since then.

You’re right , we’d have to move back all together for legal reasons. DP is willing but won’t make much effort , and as he’s the main earner I can’t see it ever happening .

OP posts:
barefootinkitchen · 15/08/2018 09:43

Bookwitch - It is good to be in your own home. I think it must be hard to feel settled living an ‘ expat’ life. We bought a home here and it is lovely ... but you’re right it’s not about nice houses etc.

barefootinkitchen · 15/08/2018 09:46

Thanks Echt
Yes , funny isn’t it. Mine sometimes talks about moving somewhere remote and growing veg. I hate the idea of being isolated and ideal would be a central suburb if I could afford.

echt · 15/08/2018 11:45

barefoot, I grow my own veggies in the suburbs near the beach, while my DD hints I should sell up and move to Collingwood - trés chic. I looked it up the other day, and I could do it, but then DD would never move out, lovely as she is. :o

OlennasWimple · 20/08/2018 18:17

Yes!!

We live somewhere that could fairly be described as paradise...but we still need to go to the grocery store, the kids still have homework to do and the rubbish bin needs emptying every day. My Instagram account(if I had one) would not be quite as glamorous as people might assume...

Rebecca36 · 20/08/2018 19:00

Why don't you give living back in the UK for a year a try? You could let your property and rent in the UK, presuming you could find jobs for that time.

It's not an unreasonable idea and no-one could raise valid objections.

A youngish man who had emigrated to Australia years ago came back here for three years. The time with his English family and them knowing his little ones was priceless.

midgesforever · 20/08/2018 19:14

I have been thinking about this thread. I think for me one of the biggest pluses of living abroad is that I get to do the daily boring routine in a slightly different way . My basic life is still pretty dull but I get a fantastic city skyline on the drive to school, my bank holidays have different food traditions associated with them and my current car is crazy huge. The small differences make the mundane slightly less mundane.