Having a bit of a wobble

[losingmymindiam]

We moved abroad six months ago. We only have a temporary visa but it's a permanent job. The company is planning on paying for permanent residency for us. We have a get out clause in that they will fly us back and move our stuff if after 2 years we want to go home. Originally we were gung ho ready to consider a permanent move, get citizenship etc. However, I am struggling to get a job and am feeling really low as I am finding it hard to meet people, so just stuck home all day. Also really missing friends and family. Am worried that I just have grass is greener syndrome but we have to make a decision in the next few weeks as to apply fo PR or not. Don't know what to do! Sorry, prob not much anyone can say but just needed to write it down!

Is it a place where you can be out and about easily?

We lived overseas for many years and each place was different. Some you can socialise by going to the gym, yoga, consulate events, various ex-pat groups (if that's your thing), in another place the company provided activities for families to get to know each other, in yet another language classes were a big social thing...

You may have to rethink your career choice, I did. I retrained and taught while in one place. Another I actually taught my hobby! It depends where you are, I found it easier to find things to do in places that were considered "hardship postings" because people were more grateful to make friends!

Are there any jobs in your field? If not, is there anything else you'd like to do?

Kids? No kids? Are there any classes you can take through the day/evening to either help you socialise a bit or acquire extra training in something?
I know how you feel though, I'm an expat sahm for the majority of the time, it does seem difficult to meet ppl. I'm in a bit of a drudge atm too.

Thanks for your reply. I have met a few people and having lived abroad before I know it takes a good few years to feel properly settled. I don't know it's so difficult to predict whether we will be happy to stay in a year's time or wish we were going home. Right now I feel like we made a bit of a mistake as it has been huge upheaval for the children and I'm afraid of damaging their education! Sorry rambling a bit... can't really decide how I feel.

Is there anyone who can come out to visit you? Maybe if you were showing someone around you'd sort your feelings out.

What do the rest of the family members think?

When I moved I found it a real struggle at first to get a job in my profession. It took 6 months and I contacted over 100 different workplaces all over the country.
My first job was in a call centre as it was the only place that would hire me.
I would suggest you persevere for a while as it is quite difficult and lonely at first.
Unfortunately you have to just keep trying.
I found some of my difficulty was the culture difference. I found that here for example a lot of the hiring was done by who you know, not on how good your CV is or your previous history or credentials.
Could you get some work experience in the job you would like to do? Maybe that could help open some doors? Or do some volunteering while you are currently unemployed?

Where are you?

Australia. And yes it seems to be very much who you know rather than what! And so much bureaucracy! I'm not afraid of persevering but it just makes me feel like it's pointless! And I'm worried about ageing parents more than I thought I would. And I'm worried we are doing the right thing leaving UK and argh just so many thoughts go round in my head. Unsettled I guess.

Whereabouts in oz? I take it the kids are at school? I've found it a lot harder talking to mums on the school run here than I thought I would...

The kids take themselves to school and back so there is no meeting mums in the playground! Classes/gym etc cost money and we don't have much to spare while I'm not working! I am going to look at volunteering to give me some sort of purpose. I guess I was naive to how difficult it would be to find work. Semi rural Victoria.

You could volunteer in school and join the P&C. It's not for everyone, but you would get to meet some mums.

I'm in NZ not Oz but job stuff sounds similar. I got my first contract work here by calling people and asking advice on how to get work in my sector. The coffee meeting is big here. I'd identify people is organisations/teams you'd be interested in and ask them if they have half an hour for a chat. Send them your C.V and ask what the gaps are, and what you can do to fill them.

Six months in is where the novelty wears off and it becomes hard IME. You kind of know to expect it but it can still be a shock to the system.

Kotare, yes I think it has hit me hard this week - 6 months in, familiar but not securely familiar, novelty and excitement has worn off and I'm left thinking, Is this it?.... I'm a teacher so looking for teaching jobs and it is the kind of area where people never move and all the teaching jobs go to known people. So it will take a while off volunteering g to even get casual work and so on. Just really depressing as I am also back to the bottom of the pay scale, so many hoops to jump through and I do not even want to teach anymore! Feeling very disillusioned and sorry for myself!

Have you considered tutoring? Relief teaching? Looking for relief and making appointments with the principals to discuss your CV for relief work is probably the way to go.

We're also in Australia, and I must admit I've never been happier, or loved a place more (lived in several other countries before). But no matter where you are, it takes a minimum of a year to properly find your feet. I do hope you end up happy, but give it time. On the other hand, if you're sure it's not for you, there is absolutely no shame in going back!

Would it be the end of the world if you got PR an then decided in 18months (your 2yr repatriation clause) to go home?

Are there any conversion courses you could do to familiarize yourself with the different curriculum?
Btw, I wouldn't worry about messing up your DC education. The schools we've experienced here have been much better all round than the one we were in previously.

Thanks so much for your replies. If we go for PR and then decide to go home we have to pay the company back for all the PR costs. But it is an option, just an expensive one! Equally if we decide to stay beyond 2 years we then have to pay to get ourselves and our stuff home! I just wish I lived it and never wanted to go home as I can see it is the better place to be but I feel so homesick!

*loved it!

If you don't want to teach anymore then why not take the opportunity to retrain?
I am not a massive fan of my current profession and so am currently studying part time whilst on maternity leave to undergo a career change.
Maybe the move could help catalyse positive changes :)
It is very difficult and unfortunately I am also in NZ and so unable to provide more specific advice.
If I was you I would probably apply for the PR while you can and while you can get it, as they change the requirements often and I would feel I might regret it if I couldn't get PR later.

Could you look at teaching related jobs with the aim of stepping sideways?

In Auckland, our zoo has a great education programme that employs quite a teachers - at least one from the UK. The local council also does lots of environmental education so those roles would suit someone who has a teaching background.

It takes a long time and a lot of work (and a bit of luck) to develop a social circle when you move. It feels hard cos it is hard.

Try not to think about the long term too much at this stage. The answer will probably be obvious when you get to 18 months in. And if it is a hard choice then, then you are choosing between two good options!

I’m found it quite tricky to get any teaching work when I lived in Melbourne. Like you, I found that it was who you knew that counted. I did do a teacher refresher course through Victoria University which helped but it almost killed me just getting registered.

I found living there difficult. My dh and my dc were pretty much living the same lives as they were in the uk. Going to school and work and it was my life that had changed the most.

Kotare, yes I think that is the problem - both options have equal pros and cons so I am really torn! Problem is we have to make the decision now if we don't want significant financial cost.

Savoy, the registration process was beyond ridiculous! It has taken since November to get it right, and now I hear it will be nigh on impossible to get a job anyway! You are right it is my life that has changed significantly but I chose to do this.

Retraining is what I want to do but again expense is holding me back!

can you put off the decision to get PR right now? just seems a bit off that they'll pay your repatriation after 2 years but you have to decide that now?

I feel your pain. I've been in Oz for two years and am moving back to the UK in a month's time, dragging my DP with me (he has been in Oz 20 years).
It just doesn't feel like home here and my homesickness has just got worse not better. It's like being in witness protection sometimes - your past life seems irrelevant. For example, there's no one here to reminisc about snow days here - waking up to realise school's shut and you can go sledging is an awesome memory. But Australians have different points or reference.

It's not all bad - the outdoors stuff is great but, for me, it doesn't make up for real genuine friendships/relationships. Feeling this way is pretty isolating when most people seem to love it here (or don't publicly admit any different).

Making a decision so soon is tough for you - I'd hold off on PR, see it as a two-year posting - and end-date can make it all less daunting I found. I was generally better once I knew roughly when I'd return home.

Dealing with lots of "You're going back to the UK? Why? It's so cold" questions is another issue. "Because it's home and I miss my family and friends" doesn't seem to "justify" it to Aussies who love their country. And I'd never worried about justifying my decisions before moving here.... I was much more self assured in NY comfort zone.

• my comfort zone (not NY. My comfort zone is London not New York)

The older I get the more I think your life is only as good as the people you're surrounded by. If you don't have close friends or family near you and you don't have a job you like, I'd be wondering what the hell I was doing there.