Having a bit of a wobble

[losingmymindiam]

We moved abroad six months ago. We only have a temporary visa but it's a permanent job. The company is planning on paying for permanent residency for us. We have a get out clause in that they will fly us back and move our stuff if after 2 years we want to go home. Originally we were gung ho ready to consider a permanent move, get citizenship etc. However, I am struggling to get a job and am feeling really low as I am finding it hard to meet people, so just stuck home all day. Also really missing friends and family. Am worried that I just have grass is greener syndrome but we have to make a decision in the next few weeks as to apply fo PR or not. Don't know what to do! Sorry, prob not much anyone can say but just needed to write it down!

Deliveredby - when my DH got the job we had to argue for the t's and c's. They wanted to just get us here and that was it. We got them to agree to the two year 'get out clause' as a safety net in case we changed our minds but it was always going to be a long term thing, hence the PR thing as our visa was only granted for 2 years rather than the 4 we thought it would be. PR takes13 months or so to be granted so they want to get that in as soon as possible. We could end up on a bridging visa not knowing what is happening. Limbo land.

Writergirl - I feel very similar. Craving those meet ups with friends that have so much history. But any friends really as I have acquaintances but not friends here.

Mybrilliantdisguise - that is how I am feeling - no amount of sunshine and beach can fill the gaping hole of missing people!

To be honest I just sway too and fro. If I think of it as a temp posting that bro gs a feeling of relief but then I feel like we would be quitting and I don't like that feeling!

I totally get how you feel. There was a day here when I'd just returned from a trip to UK and me, DP and his friend were at a cafe at Bondi Beach. His friend looked at the view and said " how can you want to leave this and go back to London?" and I honestly would have cut off a limb to have been teleported to a crap cafe in South London laughing with my mates.

I only have acquaintances here too, zero support network and it's hard. I injured my leg last week and can't pay on my sports team - all I heard from my "team mates" was "we needed you, we won't make the final now". Zero fucks given about my leg (which I initially thought was broken, thankfully not). If it was the same situation in London my friends would be rallying round waiting on me.

Ah sorry about you leg - hope it is better soon! Yes it's hard because I see friends on FB having a lovely time (as well they should) and feel totally left out. But it was my choice to move and they will just carry on. Makes me sad! I find it hard to block out I suppose. But I do worry that it is a bit of the case of grass is greener!

Is there an option to move out of country Vic nearer to one of the bigger towns or cities, even Melbourne, for job opportunities? I sympathise!

Thank you - leg will be fine hopefully.

Yes I see my friends having a lovely time on FB and if they look at my posts they may think the same - until they notice the lack of other people (apart from DP) in my photos.

And the grass is quite literally greener! It's kind of yellow and less soft here!

I kind of feel like I've failed at living abroad which doesn't feel great to be honest. My DP isn't massively keen on moving back (he's been here a lot longer) so I feel guilty for "making" him - but I can't live a lonely friendless existence anymore.

You know six months is hardly any time to make friends and as a pp said I think it is harder to make friends in English speaking countries because there is no sense of solidarity.
I know two professionals who moved to OZ and had a nightmare getting their stuff ratified, they are both working now although it took a year to get there.
I have started doing this in US and even if it is possible I reckon it could easily take a year to sort.
Plenty of postings are only for two years, there is no shame in trying somewhere and saying "glad we tried it but not for us long term"
I wouldn't want to live forever in either of the two countries we have lived in.

You haven't failed if you go home. To me family and friends are everything.

I know 6 months is nothing, that is part of the problem - we have to decide now and I want to decide in a year's time! I think we are going to have to just accept the financial hit. I know it wouldn't be failing and I would advise anyone else to follow their heart. Just my heart is so confused! Thanks all for your replies, it really helps to discuss it.

Where in Vic? I’m in Melbourne- would be happy to have a drive somewhere for the day...........(desperately looking for new friends) 😂😂😂 but seriously- it takes time to settle, but if you’re not feeling it, then you need to talk as a family about the pros and cons of heading back, and if that’s an option.

SD1978 I will see if I can PM you. I could meet you in Geelong for lunch or something?!

Sounds good- we head that way for the beach sometimes- I have a five year old. Hopefully kids are similar age!

Just go back. My advice, I am from Canada and have been living inLondon for 20 years, I am regretting having moved here, and it's too late to go back. I have never felt at home, find it difficult to be so far from my family, and have made no real friends. I am now trapped. Go back while you can.

I think you’re in a really tough situation - no way at 6months in would I have wanted to commit

Could your husband talk to his employers and explain the issues with getting teaching jobs?

If you end up going back, it isn't a failure. Lots of people I know ping pong back and forth. PR for Australia may end up being pretty valuable even if you leave. I think it gives you the right to live and work in NZ for a start. Even if you don't use this, your kids might.

I've learnt a lot on this immigration journey and wouldn't change that for the world. Even if you just learn that you love living in the UK that is useful.

I know money is usually tight when you move but try and get around to see some of Aus, NZ and the Pacific.

Feeling a bit more positive today but still very unsure! My parents think we should stay at least a couple of years, and are coming to visit later this year so that has perked me up. Trouble is the longer we stay the harder it will be to wrench what will be two teenagers back to UK. Argh just feel I am completely torn and Deliveredbykiki, you are right. Having to commit one way or other right now is impossible! I do wonder if DH could renegotiate terms but he was not very positive about how they would be when I last broached the subject.

I think you should aim for PR and take the hit if you can afford to.

My DP live in rural victoria (Gippsland) and while I love visiting it's definitely not for us!

I know how you feel though, I had dd1 in London and was desperate to move home but it made sense to stay. We have been in London 9 years now and going home this summer.

I still don't have proper solid friends here but know enough people to say hi to and chat that it's been bearable.

For me though Brexit and the offer of a really good redundancy package has made me decide it's time to go.