Is it selfish to emigrate and leave parents behind?

[geordiegeorgie]

My DH and I have been talking about emigrating for several years now, and Brexit is the final straw... We feel it is decision time. My concern is for my Mum. I don't think she would emigrate. So she would be left in UK with my brother and Stepfather. She is not even 60 yet and healthy, but I know a time will come when inevitably her health will deteriorate. Is it just selfish to want to emigrate? Has anyone managed this successfully?

FYI we are thinking of Canada or NZ...

I emigrated but to Europe. No DCs. As I left home to study when I was 18, and didn't come back to my tiny and remote home town, my parents don't see us much less. We go to them once a year and they come to us. It has enabled my parents to travel and see parts of Europe they'd never have thought to visit, though I'm aware it might get difficult when their health is less robust and I'm far away. Right now they're pretty good for being in their 70s.

My son, my only child, emigrated to Western Australia from the UK 5 years ago. I am heartbroken really, but of course can never let him know. I had a mental breakdown 2 years ago and recently a mini-stroke after nursing my own elderly parents for years. I am 63 and the prospect of doing another 20 hour flight, with all the emotions involved of arriving and leaving again are too much really.

I've seen with friends the impact a sibling moving abroad can have. All well and good in the early years when visiting the new location is still a novelty but as Jennywren says being tied to spending holidays in that location and siblings not wanting to come back for holidays because of having to spend their time visiting family and friends it gets more difficult.

Then when parents get ill it's the home based siblings that do all the day to day care, shopping, hospital appointments, visiting that can lead to resentment. This is especially so when the overseas siblings don't appreciate the impact their decision has on the remaining family.

It's a shame when you see siblings who were previously very close become very distant as a result.

Of course it is selfish. I understand why some people would need to tell themselves otherwise though.

I’m curious as to why people think it’s selfish to emigrate and leave parents behind. Would you consider it selfish to move to the other end of the same country? If and when your parents are so frail that they cannot travel, surely it makes no difference if you are a 12-hour flight away or a 6-hour drive away? If your parents live in Cornwall, is it selfish to move to Scotland?

My husband is American so wherever we lived in the world at least one of us would be far away from their family. But I don’t see it being any different from moving to a different part of the UK. Even if I lived on the same town as my mum there would be limits as to what I could do as I work full-time.

Maybe I’m missing something but I don’t see anything selfish in moving overseas. Sure, I was sad to leave and I miss my family but I’m not seeing where selfish comes into it.