The biggest thing I hate about being an expat in America is....

[DeliveredByKiki]

My panic attacks incurred by police helicopters circling the vicinity of my DC school. We live in a metropolitan area in a liberal state but the fact that it even crossed my mind there could be Someone with a gun in my child's school is horrible.

The gun laws are ultimately what will make me move home before they hit middle school

It's just private education with a different name.

I agree the system isn't always fair but it really isn't the same as private education. Paying the increased taxes is a way better financial investment. I know because I've done the math on both. We live in a nice enough city with a not brilliant school system. Our taxes are way lower than the next town over which is richer and has an excellent school system.

Private high school runs about 45k a year. Catholic school is about 20k. cPrivate middle/elementary is about 30ish a year. At the end of it your kid has an education and you live in your house whose value is based on the not great school district.

If we moved to the richer town, we'd pay more in mortgage and taxes but at the end of it our house would also have increased in value.

Mind you for a decent motivated student, there is actually nothing wrong with our not so great school system. It offers the same stuff as the town up the road. Plenty of kids get into great colleges including Harvard etc every year.

I think this is a more an issue around the major cities/urban areas like NYC/Boston etc.

Want2be I've googled A Salt and Battery and am planning my next trip to NYC!

I'm so glad that we live where we do. We really lucked out, tbh. We're in a small town just outside of Ann Arbor (near Detroit). Education is excellent around here, but house prices are super low compared to other places. Because we live out of town our taxes aren't too bad - only around 5k. (They'd be more like 15 in the city). DD's currently in a private middle school (where I teach) and the cost is around $20k. High school private would be a bit more, but not a whole load. Salaries are also pretty high in the area because there is a wealth of universities. It's also (by American standards) very liberal and left wing, friendly and welcoming.

Of course, it's a fake little bubble, and we don't have to go far - Detroit, or Flint - to find a very different story. But it does mean that day to day living is pretty good, and easy. It can all be a bit 'Pleasantville' at times, but as migrants we're obviously aware of that and try not to get too caught up in our precious little bubble.

It does make life in the UK look grim, though.

The tax/school situation varies greatly from place to place. We live in a relatively modest neighborhood in a very wealthy area. The tax rate is low because the high value of the tax base raises enough money to support schools and other services. The school system is one of the best in the nation. We no longer have children in school, but our grandchildren benefit, and we benefit from our property values remaining strong.

The issue with property taxes as well is that it pushes out people on lower incomes who have lived in the area for generations, once it starts to gentrify and property value increases

Our property taxes are very high and the schools are fine, not amazing, we still have to fundraise just to supply the school with art, drama, music, science and PE teachers and a librarian

It scared the shit out of me when my DD came home and told me they had lockdown practice where they had to pretend to hide from an escaped animal at the zoo! It's hard to explain to kids why someone would want to hurt them

It scared the shit out of me when my DD came home and told me they had lockdown practice where they had to pretend to hide from an escaped animal at the zoo! It's hard to explain to kids why someone would want to hurt them

It worries me greatly . One of my sons is now an American citizen living with his family in New York and working in Manhattan.
Mind you, he says if DT becomes president he may come back to the UK!

Guns

Fish and chips (lack thereof). Ditto proper bacon and fresh fruit that doesn't go mouldy in two days

Guns. Definitely guns. A man was shot and killed by the police on a city bus a few blocks from our house last week, and the local reaction has just been to shrug. DCs and I were on the bus behind on our way home from a museum and I'm horrified by the idea that my children might have witnessed that if we'd left a little earlier.

I also dislike the sprawl, the car-dependency and the lack of proper urban planning, but I know that doesn't apply to all cities.

Guns, for sure.

The distinct lack of banter. I am from the north, and still find the lack of sardonic conversation a bit odd. By contrast, I love the enthusiasm here.

Lyme and other tick-borne illnesses. I live in a part of CT with beautiful hiking trails, but I'm far too afraid to use them before the first frost hits.

I miss sarcasm too, stopgap.

DS starts kindergarten in September, no idea how I'm going to explain lockdowns to him

vimfuego My son for the last two years has been attending the preschool attached to our local elementary school. We get an email notification whenever there has been a lockdown drill.

My son is a chatterbox and remarks on every conceivable detail, and yet he's never mentioned the drills. I must ask him. Either he's fearful, I guess, or the teachers turn it into a bit of a game for the younger children.

Either way, it's a horrid element of the educational system in the U.S.

The school district posts notifications on FB/sends an email whenever they have lockdowns - it sends me into a panic every time (even though DS doesn't even attend school yet) but so far it has always been due to the fact that there is a police incident in the area and it's just a precaution. I don't think I'll ever get used to it though.

I haven't lived in the States since the early 90's but even then it was the guns and it's only got worse since then. I can't imagine being there now that I have kids. Stay safe everyone!

Interesting thread!!! I am thinking about moving to the US with my young children, but now I'm worried. Is it really that gun crazy in every day life? :(

I guess it must depend upon which city or area you live in. I have lived in a major city in the Southern US for many years and guns are absolutely not a part of our life and not something I have to give any consideration too.
My DS's school practices a lockdown drill once a year but they do a drill a everyday for that week, fire, earthquake, tornado, bomb and lockdown so he doesn't give it anymore thought than he would to a fire alarm.

Is it really that gun crazy in every day life?

No. I lived in DC when it was the murder capital of the US. It still wasn't that bad and rates of other crime were low, giving rise to the slightly bizarre local saying, "If you don't get shot here, you won't get robbed"

I think Brits in the US tend to be hyper-aware of guns because they are alien to us, in the same way that - when I lived in Oz - I was paranoid about sharks, whereas locals just saw them as just one of those things -if they get you, they get you but the chances are tiny.

The vast majority of people who die by guns in the US are killed by guns they own. If you live in an affluent area and don't own a gun, the chances of being shot are very low.

I've not seen a gun nor know anyone that has one in the 4.5yrs of living here. I've heard them though and 3 global-news-worthy shooting have happened my 30mile circumference in the last 24months so it's more that awareness is hyped up

Canyouforgiveher, I could have written your posts.

I know what I hate! The fact that living in a good school district means that your property taxes are $$$$$ so that, unlike if we were living in the UK, the reality is that we will sell our family home when our children all leave home
It's the other way round.
The school district is good because your property taxes are high.
And as Canyouforgiveher says, your house will sell like a hotcake when you decide to move.

I live in a very mixed income place where you can buy a condo or a small fixer upper for under $150k, or choose from mansions going at over $2million if that floats your boat. Condos can be especially cheap, and you get all the perks of residency from owning a two bed condo in an ugly as sin 70s building as you get from owning a house in the estate section of town. Same schools and libraries and parks and rink and pools for all.

Is it really that gun crazy in every day life?
No.

I live in an old suburb that borders on a really huge city that has an astronomical level of gun violence. If I lived about 15 minutes east - on foot - of where I am, I would be afraid to set foot outside my door any time except first thing in the morning. People see gun culture as a rural, red state thing, but actually it is alive and flourishing in the ghettos of the blue states too. The city I live near features regularly in international (bad) news reports. A student from the local high school was recently shot dead a couple of blocks from the municipal dividing line, when he was visiting a relative. The two communities are different worlds.

You get a lot of unapologetic and poorly thought out opinion that is heavily influenced by the likes of Rush Limbaugh on topics like guns outside of the blue states, and I do not miss that since exMIL decided to cut me off completely after divorcing her son. You can live comfortably and your children can flourish in many places that have the sort of priorities you would find in Europe. These places exist.

Like Canyouforgiveher, I often forget about locking my door even at night. My mum freaked out when she learned this.

Two of my DCs have recently got their Irish passports and one in particular is making serious threats to leave the US if DT gets elected.

I had forgotten how much I hated (when I lived in the USA) people asking constantly "Where are you from?" which is inevitably followed by "my ancestors are from ". What is a good response to this other than a "is that so?" and a head tilt?

I live in Canada now and it is considered incredibly rude to ask where someone is from. We visited friends along the Eastern seaboard this summer and any thoughts of moving back to the USA evaporated.

Why is it considered rude to ask where someone is from? That level of disinterest seems ruder.

To answer your question OP, yes the terrible driving. I've overheard at least 5 people this week talking about their 'wrecks' and the pay-outs they got. I m on super, extra concentration mode the whole time I'm driving especially as where I am they have turning lanes which people use to join traffic- apparently that's ok but I can't get my head around how it is.

I also hate constantly being asked where I'm
from and being told how amazing my accent is.. It's nice at first but tiresome after many years!

I also hate the fact I say trash, movies and trunk now just for ease.

The plus side outweighs the negative by far though!!

It's rude because you are in effect telling someone 'I notice you are different' or 'I notice you don't belong here'.

It's also a case of asking the bleeding obvious, which is frowned upon to the same extent as the questions 'Is that a big zit on your chin?' or 'Have you gained weight?'

The aim of conversation is to help the other person feel comfortable. You avoid non-sequiturs. You avoid personal remarks. The sort of comment that draws attention to something obvious and personal does the opposite.

What is wrong with being different? I have lived all over the world and I like it!

When we lived in Madrid, I was told that my English was not very good. (I am London RP) I thought my 'difference' was obvious, but perhaps not.