Emigrating to New Zealand - partner who is Kiwi

[andantecantabile]

Hi everyone. I've read the MN boards for quite some time but this is my first post. I'm not actually a mum (hope that's ok!) although one day I hope to be. I wanted to post as this seems like such an amazing resource for sharing experiences and gaining advice.

My DP is from New Zealand, and has lived in the UK for 5 years. I am British. We have been together for nearly two years; he is 30 and I am 28. He makes me so happy and I know he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have been talking about the future for a little while, although more so recently. We rent currently as part of a house share, but are saving for a house deposit and would like to live just the two of us, either in a rented property, or our own house, when our current tenancy runs out.

However, I know deep down that DP would like to return to New Zealand in the future, and has expressed that us buying a house here would be a difficult step for him, as in a sense he is committing to living here for the long term. In an ideal world, he would like to return to live in New Zealand, and settle down there to raise a family. We have looked at property online in both London (where we currently live) and New Zealand (specifically Wellington) and what you can get for your money in NZ compared to here is just ridiculous. The houses in NZ look just beautiful, huge gardens, so much space. Total contrast to the cramped one bed flats with a share of communal garden for £250K...

I haven't yet been to New Zealand, but we are going at Christmas. I know that he is very keen for me to like it there, and from what I've seen and heard, it does look an incredible place to live. I know that if we were to have children, it would be a great place for them to grow up. In terms of employment, my DP would most likely be able to find a job quickly. I would be able to build up my work more gradually, as I'm self-employed.

However, it's just....... so far away! I wouldn't be able to see my family regularly, and if we have children, it pains me that my parents wouldn't be able to see our children grow up, except on Skype. (So as not to drip feed, my Dad would be unable to make the flight to NZ for health reasons, so the only times we would be able to see my family are if we flew back to the UK).

I've done some research into what life would be like over there: as I understand it, the exchange rate is quite poor, so any deposit we have here wouldn't be worth the same over there. I know that things like groceries are so expensive too, in comparison.

For what it's worth, DP hasn't put any pressure on me in terms of deciding where to live. And in any case, I can't make any decisions until I've at least been to visit NZ.

What I'm asking really, is for you to share any relevant experiences you might have that could help me organise my thoughts! Especially the logistics of visiting family on the other side of the world, and maintaining a relationship. I'm sorry for the essay. I've watched so many episodes of 'Wanted Down Under!' and it would be great to hear from others first hand. Thank you

"Pacific Island and Maori have the worst levels of health, the worst education, the worst housing and overall, the worst prospects in the country. The comment about positive discrimination was very uninformed. It's up to the government and the people to put right what has gone wrong for so, so long. It might be weird for people coming from the UK, but I would suggest you try to understand the dynamic a little better."

I totally agree. I restrained myself from commenting when I read that post originally as I wasn't sure I could be polite enough, so thank you for putting it so well!

NZ has, in my opinion, done more than almost any other country towards repairing the horrific damage done to the original population by colonialists. If you look at Australia, the US and Canada and their camps or 'reservations', the stats on the populations there, then the affirmative action and treaty deals done by the NZ government look a lot brighter. It's far from perfect, but it's something, and it's very definitely needed.

It's another element of what I mean by 'New Zealand is not the UK with beaches'. The 'British' elements of NZ are not the original culture there, and the fact that there is (some, hopefully increasingly more) awareness of the original culture is something I really love about it. But I do find some people from the UK don't like it.

I suppose it hasn't been that long since colonial times, so moving to NZ from Britain maybe still involves a bit of that idea of building a world in the image of your own, but better. Perhaps it can be a bit of disappointment to discover that in fact there is already an existing society, and it may not be what you were hoping for - and that unlike in the past, simply erasing it and building your preferred one instead isn't an option.

Agree 100%. I don't think of it as "positive discrimination" at all - it's honouring our Treaty commitments, and frankly going a very small way to address the wrongs, historical and ongoing, that have resulted in tremendous disadvantage to Maori.

Married to a kiwi, have lived here for 12 years. live on a lifestyle block south of Auckland, close to the beach. Love it - miss family and friends, not England and wouldn't move back to the UK.

Can't add anything about NZ, but found this thread fascinating - much more so than Wanted Down Under!! Just wanted to mention re kids and a custody that I know someone who married an Australian, moved to Oz, had three kids and after 15 years her DH announced out of the blue he was leaving. She has to stay - or leave behind her kids. It makes what is already a heartbreaking situation for her even harder. It is something to be aware of although of course no one thinks it will end like that when they enter into a marriage. So difficult when you are both from different sides of the world - one of you will always be 24 hours from home and you just can't square that circle.

I just wanted to see if any of you are still around? OP what did you decide to do? How has everything improved with the lovely Jacinta in charge? The spectre of bloddy Brexit has made me start to think again about moving to NZ with my kiwi DH. His family are all in Wellington, so I have loads of inlaws and friends of friends there. Just thought I would go try for a update?

@SarfE4. You do know that NZ is not in the EU either don’t you?

Yes Alfie I do know that.

I'm English, my husband is a Kiwi although now he's a British citizen.
We met in Auckland when I was nursing on work visa in May 1999.
I came home in September, and once I was home among my family and friends I realised I didn't want to go back. He came to the UK to join me that December on an ancestral visa. We house-shared in London initially and moved to Oxford when we got married, we'd being together for two years. We've been married now for 16 years. He's become a British citizen.

However, and despite his Mothers pleading, he has never wanted to go back. Now my husband is really not outdoorsy. He is most definitely an intellectual. He likes art, jazz and reading worthy tomes. He had a great job working in a famous publishing house in Auckland, which helped him to get a good job in London. However, out of the two of us I am the restless one filled with wanderlust. DH is the rational, solid, dependable one.

Almost 2 years ago the opportunity arose for a secondment to Philadelphia with his employer for 3 years. I was soooo up for it. He says he would never have considered it had not been excited by this. I was so convinced that it was a great opportunity for all of us I convinced the kids too.

Now we've been living in Phildelphia for a year. You'd expect it to be me who would want to go back to my family, my country. But strangely, its DH who wants to go back to the UK next year, not me, even though he travels back to HQ several times a year. Although I couldn't imagine staying here indefinitely I'm just not ready to go back yet.

In my humble experience I don't believe it's the lifestyle or climate that should decide for you because those can be 'got over'. It's who you are that is most important and whether you can be the person that you want to be, and that's before you even consider children.

That's funny ineedachange my husband is exactly the same - very un-Kiwi in his hobbies, loves art, jazz and literature, but hates barbecues, beer and fish and chips! He loves being in UK, and as much as I love Wellington and my in laws when we get there, it doesn't feel like home to me. I feel geographically cut off there, whereas I love the scope for easy travel to Europe in the UK. We both love the US and would happily live in NY, or Chicago, or anywhere really, but will probably just stay in UK, despite Brexit bearing down on us.

SarfE4sticated Do you find people are usually surprised when they meet your DH? Most assume, before they meet mine, he is the best at bbq’ing, loves being outside and is sporty. Then they meet him ...
Still have to say, he was pretty ‘stoked’ the All Blacks beat England at Twickenham today.

Yes Ineed that's exactly what happens, they get all excited to meet him, keen to speak about hiking and barbecues and maybe even mountains, and then MrSarf swans in, more at home in a bookshop than anywhere outside. He does love the AB's though, coffee and Whittakers chocolate so he is still a true kiwi at heart.