Is anyone here realistically never going back? How do you feel about it?

[GoodtoBetter]

I've been in Spain for the best part of 15 years and am married to a Spaniaird with DC of 6 and 3. Due to family issues/money we haven't even been back to visit since 2006. I will realistically never live in the UK again, bar civil war or something in Spain meaning I have to flee. I'm quite happy about that, I like my life here and I've been away soooooo long now and have no ties there really now (some friends and my nationality basically) I don't feel a desperate longing or miss it. I'd like to visit and show the DCs, but ca't imagine living there again, I think I'd miss Spain..it's where I've spent my whole adult life. But sometimes I get a bit wistful, or something..I don't know, a little twinge. Over silly things like watching Countryside 999 of all things just now on the iplayer and seeing the beautiful landscape.
Like I say, I'm happy, my life is here, my kids are Spanish to all intents and purposes, but at the same time I'm not Spanish, not explaining it well. Does anyone know what I mean?

Granny you are very lucky to have a lovely extended family, I think it makes a big difference to how you settle in another country if you can feel that you are accepted by your in-laws and truly belong. Unfortunately for me, this isn't' the case, although it has little to do with me being a foreigner - they just happen to be a very dysfunctional family, and emotionally distant even with each other. I had hoped to feel that I was part of the family but I don't. I don't take it personally though because they are like that with the local in-laws too.

For my part, I sometimes wish we could up sticks and go to live in the UK as life is hard and uncertain here, but realistically that can't happen as it is too late for us to build a new life there, we''re too old. Also, my Dh would never leave his country, nor would I leave behind my DC and grandchildren. Our family unit is very close, and as the old saying goes, home is where the heart is.

Yet a part of me will always remain quintessentially British. It's just that the British bit of me is in a time warp

Goodto Better I'm relieved I'm not the only one to feel that I don't really fit in anywhere.

I'm never sure if it's due to foreignness or because I'm just a natural misfit

It's difficult to find people who share my cultural references, I'm too British for the locals and too local for my British friends

I've lived abroad most of my life but would hate to think I would never come back to the UK. We're in the process of buying a home here and I'm hopeful that when our DC have finished school, we'll move here. Fingers crossed!

NoSnow, have you still got lots of ties in the UK? I think part of the reason I'm not fussed really about going back is that apart from friends I have no links there now. No family really in the UK and haven't even set foot there since 2006. So, it's sort of another life now. But obviously it's also where I spent the first 24 yrs of my life. Although, give it another 10 years here and I'll have spent more of my life in Spain than the UK.

I've been in the UK for over 20 years and done all my adult living here. For the past two years I've been more restless and not sure where I belong any more. About to go back to Germany for five months to get it out of my system . My guess is by October half term I'll be begging to go home (ie UK) and by Christmas I'll be desperate. Fairly sure I'll happily grow old in the UK but the school term abroad will give me certainty, as well as being a fantastic opportunity for the dc to spend so much time with their grandparents.

I'm in a similar situation to you, OP, in that I came abroad on a whim and then met DH, fell in love, had babies, settled down. I have been here 5 years now and I thought I had pretty much accepted that I will never go back to live in the UK. However, lately I have started to question this and wonder if maybe we should try to give the UK a go in maybe 3 years time when we have had time to save up some money and sort out some things here.

I wasn't able to go back this year to visit for the first time since I've been here and it really affected me and made me wonder if I am ready to give up my country for good. I also think maybe DH would have better work prospects there, even though I have a good job here and he does have a job. I have a baby and toddler so it is important to make the right decision. At the same time I worry that my marriage is going to struggle if my DH doesn't get in a better work situation and where we live that doesn't seem to be possible.

We have in-laws close by here and my parents visit regularly but I know my family would be thrilled if we did go back there.