So, so lonely in Australia

[StarryStarStar]

I moved to Australia from the UK 3 years ago, with my partner. I was so excited for the move and in many ways it has been an amazing adventure. I have seen and experienced so many new things and met a lot of new people. It has tested our relationship to its limits but ultimately we are now stronger than ever. At first, I felt like I was having the time of my life. I made new friends and became incredibly close to one in particular. I foolishly thought that good friends could replace family when you are so far from home.

I went back for a visit at christmas and since then I have felt miserable. I have never felt so homesick or lonely in my life. It is a physical sickness. I literally don't know what to do with myself or this emptiness. To make matters worse, my closest friend began to drift away towards the end of last year, with no explanation. She met new friends and just cut me out of her life. She was new here too and it feels now like I was just an interim friend, keeping her busy until she met people more suited to her. She's a few years older than me and much more confident and sophisticated, into going out to posh restaurants and spending money on clothes etc whereas I don't earn as much and like to live a simpler life. My partner is also struggling at the moment too, and it's hard to support each other.

It's made harder still because I'm in recovery from anorexia, which I have suffered for 12 years. the Aussie mental health system has been fantastic and given me support I've never had before - I now have a brilliant counsellor but recovery is so, so hard and its made harder by the depression and loneliness I'm feeling. :(

Pathetically, I just want my mum. I'm not sure why I posted here. I guess I'd like to know if other expats relate to this feeling and know if this can pass. Has anyone else been through such a dark period? I feel like it would be foolish to return home right now, because we are eligible to apply for citizenship next year and my partner has his dream job out here, hard to say what it is without outing myself but it wouldn't be possible to get the same job in the UK.

Thanks so much for reading.

Just a word that might help you... Infected tooth.. As in a very bad one which it sounds .. Your gp may be able to refer to maxfacs within hospital and get it done. Failing that. A cheap flight back to the uk? Did u have an nhs dentist? A family member who does??

Don't have much advice, but just posting in sympathy. I recently posted a similar thread (which I must get back to). A few lively people posted and it immediately made me feel better.

I have been on three postings, always been fine in my own company and never felt lonely.

All of a sudden this wave of homesickness takes over. It is literally like a wave. It just takes over and you are right, it is like a physical pain.

But, as waves it comes and goes. It comes out of the blue and then recedes a bit.

So, as you can see, nothing practical to say.

You can't help how you feel, so don't be hard on yourself. It takes a massive effort but I find contact with other people helps, even if it is just superficial. Just sitting in a cafe with a book is better than being at home for me.

Hi Starry,

Congratulations on getting well from your ED - thats such a major achievement! Especially when you're holding down a job & living in a new country. Sorry to hear you're feeling so low though - its not unreasonable with all you're going through, so perhaps give yourself 'permission' to mope for a bit - even set aside a time a day for it, then focus on 3 positives about where you are - even tiny things would do - a local food you like, a view, the weather? It can help to retrain your brain to think more positively.

Maybe make a plan for the next 6 months 'project Starry' - each week plan some treat for yourself that will help with your health (yoga? meditation? long walk? New book? (Do you exercise? That could help your mood and health?) I find having this kind of plan (even if I don't stick to it 100%) makes me feel in control. Is there a time of the week when you feel particularly low? If so maybe plan the treat for then as a distraction.

How long do you need to be in Oz before you'll get your visa? If a couple of years then it could be a good time to have a baby now 'if' you feel well enough - as you may meet new people and won't have to worry about schools etc yet. Do you have health insurance or whatever though? If not def get that in place 1st just incase you need it.

Maybe consider that if your parents are controlling would you want them being closely involved when you have children? I know a lot of people whose parents are a hindrance - not a help - with the kids (or just look at any of the toxic MIL etc threads on here). Do you feel bad now because your parents guilt tripped you when you were back home about leaving? If so will being close to them really make you feel better? Also could you ask your counsellor to help you deal with guilty feelings (if relevant)?

I really sympathise -as a student I lived in Greece for a year and had a thoroughly miserable time (really, really, horribly fucking awful!) until I moved in with a lovely Canadian couple, then stuff really improved, so friends can make a huge difference... so do keep making the effort to meet nice people (I know its hard).

Re the tooth thing, can you try and be grateful you have savings instead of needing to go into debt/not afford the work? Hard I know!

Good luck with it all though. I hope it works out for you. x