Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Were you worried you were leaving a 'good thing' behind when you moved abroad?

41 replies

Gem13 · 14/06/2006 18:15

We have always said we would move abroad and make the most of DH's job opportunities.

But... with DS just about to start in a great school, DD about to start an excellent playgroup, a baby on the way and a fab childminder around the corner I'm wondering whether it's such a good idea! Of course, now a job has come up in a place that is top of our list.

I am happy here and have friends, like our home, the town, etc. so it's not like we would be improving things but I also want something different. I've always said that I didn't want wake up here in 10 years time with the children in secondary school, ageing parents needing us more, etc. having the lost the chance to go.

We have lived abroad before but pre-children and everything takes on a different emphasis with them. There is the need for good schools obviously but other things are also equally important like having people you can just hang out with when you have small children in tow.

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, what happened? Did you stay, did you go? Was it great/miserable/exciting/hard work?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 14/06/2006 18:16

Where is the new job?

moondog · 14/06/2006 18:18

I've been to lots of places with and without kids.
Everything you miss,you will find in the new place, esp. if a sizeable expat. community.
I would argue that people are more friendly in such situations thus they network very quickly.

Where I am at present however,expat. population of about 10 in city of over a million lol!

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 18:20

Vancouver [smile}

OP posts:
Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 18:21

I'm not as brave or adventurous as moondog!

OP posts:
moondog · 14/06/2006 18:22

Piece of piss Gem!!!

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 18:27

The trouble is I have friends who can't think of anything worse than uprooting themselves and I must admit everything is looking quite rosy at the moment.

I wonder whether my desire for change is foolish when everything we have here is so good.

OP posts:
moondog · 14/06/2006 18:29

Well we need the stay putters and the wanderers Gem.
Things always look better when you are about to leave.
My sister is about to leave France with her (French)cdh and 4 kids and start a new life in Martinique.
They are in their early 40s.

I think you should always have something radical planned.Keeps things exciting. Smile

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 19:06

True.

I can see how easy it would be to get stuck in a rut - however nice that rut may be. It just seems such a critical time and that is why I'm having cold feet!

OP posts:
moondog · 14/06/2006 19:29

You'll be fine!! Smile
Be brave!

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 19:50

Thanks MD. I knew I just needed a pep talk!

The trouble is because it is an internal job, if DH starts talking to the people concerned, we can't turn around and say 'On second thoughts...'.

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 14/06/2006 20:11

Only thing I would question is whether there is a big expat community. In countries where the language is English it seems to be harder for some reason. I knew some people who moved from Asia to Vancouver and hated it.

However - if you are not going to be depending on the expat community then it could be OK. Expat communities tend to be weloming IME as no-one has their extended family around whereas in cities/countries where there is no expat community it can be harder as everyone you meet at school etc will have their own friends/family.

jenkel · 14/06/2006 21:11

I feel exactly the same away, we are looking to move to Oz. Life is good at the moment in the UK, good friends, family close enough when needed but far enough away to not get involved in all the squabbles, good school, good playgroup, nice house. I keep thinking that I am totally mad to give all this up for the unknown.

But then I think you need your dreams, and you need to try to achieve your dreams. A bit of a challenge is not a bad thing.

Not so bad for us as we have close family in Oz and NZ.

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 21:34

Good point - I hadn't thought about it like that. When I briefly looked at Singapore the description of the ex-pat community put me off somewhat. The description of 'the wives' sounded pretty colonial and as ex-pat children can only attend private schools (not state) a lot of those stressed results, bus pick-ups, safety, etc. I felt it would be a small world. I hadn't thought about people making an effort to be welcoming because everyone was in the same boat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 21:39

Sorry - my last post was in reply to budababe.

When are you off jenkel?

The one thing that I keep thinking of is that we will be exposing the children to different opportunities than they have here. Sports - skiing in particular and also immersion schools. Plus we could have a bigger house, bigger garden,etc. (we are in a very expensive part of the south east but wouldn't want to move out of our town).

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 14/06/2006 21:43

Expat life (esp in Asia!) CAN sound very colonial! But it can be great. I MISS Asia for that reason. If you do ever do it just remind yourself it's not real life and you'll be fine - a bit like MN!!

Expats can be very welcoming though as I said. For instance yesterday the admissions lady at school called me to ask if I would call a new lady who has just arrived from UK and her DS may be in my DS's class next year. Turns out a friend of mine had already spoken to her and invited her out on our girls' night out tomrrow night. People do look out for newcomers and you do make friends quickly if you are any way friendly.

apronstrings · 14/06/2006 21:48

yes - and now we are planning to move back next more I worry about that even more!

apronstrings · 14/06/2006 21:48

next year

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 21:50

Where have you been? Are you worried about leaving or fitting in again?

OP posts:
Albert · 14/06/2006 22:08

We have recently arrived in Brasilia from Venice. In Venice I had a great job, DH had a fantastically paid (but incredibly frustrating) job and DS(6) was in a fab school, the city is brilliant, people were lovely, food and wine fantastic, close enough to UK to pop back at the drop of a hat if needs be and for family and friends to come and vist, and of course the country as a whole is incredible. BUT we opted to come to Brasilia, a totally unknown place (despite DH being Brazilian), another language for me and DS, no job for me, no school, no home, no friends and you know what...6 months down the line I have the best job I have ever had, DH is really happy and not so stressed, DS is in a good(ish) school and has lots of friends, the weather is fantastic and we are about to buy our very first house (I'm 42), it has 4 beds, swimming pool and sauna - in Venice we couldn't afford a shoe box! I won't say it's been easy but it was definately the right decision. Go for it Gem13!!

Original poster
Gem13 · 14/06/2006 22:31

Hello Albert! I'm really glad to hear you're having a great time. You're one of the mnetters I 'know' and I'd been wondering how you were getting on. Excellent news on the house front!

Good to hear that great things can be swappped for other great things. I hadn't thought that things could be as good or even better. Only that as we were enjoying where we at, then presumably moving would mean that it would be harder work to try and achieve the same things and what if we didn't manage it? I'm putting some of this scaredy-cat behaviour down to pregnancy hormones. Recognising the fact that having people you can call on to have a cup of tea when it's a long rainy day can be invaluable when you have small children. I think that what worries me the most is that I may be trying to find somewhere to live, organise kindergarten, entertain the children and have a baby all at the same time in a place that should be familiar (English speaking/western) but is very different!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gem13 · 15/06/2006 07:27

Bumping for those in different time zones!

OP posts:
apronstrings · 15/06/2006 16:31

Gem we have been in the usa - just outside washington dc. We have lived here for 2 1/2 years and dh has a job which we will return to march 07

I am worried that we have a nicer lifestyle here than we will in the uk.
I will miss the weather here. Particularly thae warm spring and autumns and the great blue skies in winter.

we have met some of the nicest people we have ever known while over here.
Our eldest dd who has some learning difficulties gets more help currently than she ever got in England (although some of that may be because she needs more help as she gets older)
I miss family - we have never lived near our parents but I find having to stay with each other for at least a week at a time very stressful.

I sometimes wonder why we are choosing to return - and yet when dh and I think about being old together, when we are a pair of empty nesters we cannot imagine ourselves in the usa.

Plus on a practical note if you haven't planned for it the cost of college for 4 children and the healthcare implications of being old in the states really aren't that great.

UglySister · 15/06/2006 19:01

Gem13, you will always regret it if you don´t take your chance now! You do say you want something different so perhaps you´re not as content as say you are (???) and if you´re a happy-go-lucky type by nature, then you´ll be happy in your new place won´t you? Life will be very exciting again! Go girl!

Rojak · 16/06/2006 13:13

Gem - I was in your shoes until a few weeks ago.

Dh has been offered a job in Singapore and we have weighed it up and decided to go.

The main reason for the move is DH's career but the bonus is that we would be closer to my parents who live in Malaysia.

Like you, I know I will miss my home here, friends, DH's family, the lifestyle and routine we have. DS (5) is in a great little school, DD (2) is in a lovely nursery. I will have to give up my career and a fairly well paid job.

On the more positive side, I see this as a chance for the kids to experience Asia (DH and I have both live in Asia and the US pre-kids), I get to spend more time with the kids as I will be a SAHM but I am still quite petrified by this move as I've not moved with kids before.

I am preparing myself mentally for this move, telling myself that it's ok to hate being there for the first year or so as this has pretty much happened everywhere else that I've moved to.

apronstrings · 16/06/2006 13:49

Gem - just wanted to add that although we have now decided to return I am really glad we did it. Even if culturally the usa isn't as exciting as many peoples options it has still been a huge adventure , the children have lived abroad etc.It haas also given my dh's career a really good boost - we will return to a position he could not have hoped for if we had stayed in England. Hard work with children etc. but worth it