Were you worried you were leaving a 'good thing' behind when you moved abroad?

[Gem13]

We have always said we would move abroad and make the most of DH's job opportunities.

But... with DS just about to start in a great school, DD about to start an excellent playgroup, a baby on the way and a fab childminder around the corner I'm wondering whether it's such a good idea! Of course, now a job has come up in a place that is top of our list.

I am happy here and have friends, like our home, the town, etc. so it's not like we would be improving things but I also want something different. I've always said that I didn't want wake up here in 10 years time with the children in secondary school, ageing parents needing us more, etc. having the lost the chance to go.

We have lived abroad before but pre-children and everything takes on a different emphasis with them. There is the need for good schools obviously but other things are also equally important like having people you can just hang out with when you have small children in tow.

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, what happened? Did you stay, did you go? Was it great/miserable/exciting/hard work?

Thanks for the replies.

Uglysister - I fear I overanalyse things! Am I really happy? Is it a case of the grass is greener? and so on... The fact that we could choose makes it hard too. Thanks for your words of encouragement though.

apronstrings - were you in Alexandria? We visited a friend there once and really liked it. Good luck with your return. Are you going back to the same town/city? Are you nervous about it?

Rojak - good luck with your move. You are braver than me as I don't have a career to give up! Good to be closer to your parents too. Have you looked into schools yet? At least it seems the same as England with Reception, Year 1, etc. and working on September to August entry. The rest of it made my head spin. I think because when a move to Singapore was a 'possible' for us, it wouldn't have been with much notice and the schools had waiting lists, deposits, etc. the whole private thing which is like a different language to me.

I just realised that you said your possible future location is Vancouver - that is apparently the best city in the world in which to live with the highest standard of living. Should be easy really but logic counts for nothing when emotion gets involved. Have you had any more thoughts or are you just at that 'I don't know what to do/think' stage? I went through it, leaving Venice was a massive decision and I still miss it a lot but I knew we had no long term future there. Ugly sister is so right when she says that you'll regret it if you don't go but what do the rest of your family think and how long have you got to make your mind up?

Dear gem....moving....wherever to or from can be stressful....especially when we feel fine in our comfort zone.
My family and I moved to Oz...nearly 2 yrs now....and although its not been easy at times...I would not have changed anything for the world.
This is a wonderful country and the opportunities for us as a family are tremendous.
I have missed my family(brothers) and friends in particular...but its been good making new friends too.
At least I feel I am living my life....really living and experiencing as much as possible....isnt that what lifes all about....I travelled a lot when I was single....and didnt just want to stop that adventure when I married and had children....
Hope this helps a little....be brave....and enjoy the adventure....whats the worst that can happen...if you hate it....you could return....and you will have tried it....not many get that chance.

Gem: I would go to Vancouver like a shot. If you want to experience something different, it's the time to do it, before the children get settled in school, start doing exams etc.
Rojak: When do you plan to come to Singapore? This may be helpful: www.nmsg-singapore.com

Well I personally had no regrets when we moved abroad.

But one of my closest friends was in exactly your position. Her little boy was settled in a great school in London, she'd lots of friends, loved her neighbourhood, and hadafter 6 years of slow adjustmentdecided she loved living in the UK. And just at that moment her dh got a job that took them to America. She's been in in the US for more than a year now and feels her situation is slightly inferior to what it was in London, but slowly slowly she's adjusting to life there, just as she did to life here. She can afford a much bigger house, too, and has an enormous garden and a swimming pool and, as she lives in the south, the weather's much better than here . . .so she acknolwedges that life has improved in some ways. But that's just the way it is. . .compromise is involved in any move.

i moved from aus to the Uk 6 years ago and whilst I was leaving all I knew -0 family, friends job etc - I thought it would be a great opportunity to live somewhere else and experience life elsewhere.....

I had a pretty amazing time - met dh, married him, hjad dd1 and then was 18 weeks pregnant with dd2 when we left to live back in Australia for me - emigration for dd1 and dh. he left all he had known - a fab job, a lovely village, dd1's therapy ( such that it was) and medical stuff all sorted. We came back to aus - no jobs, as I said me 18 weeks or so pregnant, dd1 who has down syndrome, a house to live in ( but a mortgage.)

Two years down the track it has been the best decision we made. We were a little tentative as we were concerned about the job front etc. But dh has a job he loves, better working hours, dd1 is in a fab kindy, therapy, sn kindy, great friends and life is good.

Gem13 if you don't want to go to Vancouver can we go instead , it's one of my favourite cities. I'd jump at the chance.

I reckon if you don't try it you will go through life regreting the fact you never found out what it was really like?

...and so much easier to do a move in English than a foreign language (spoken from experience0.

Albert - DH has been in Thailand all week so we haven't had a chance to talk about it properly. One of my concerns is that the job involves some travel as his does his current one, but that could make it hard too. This week I've had a pretty sociable time hanging out in familiar places, doing the playschool run, seeing friends, etc. Things that will come again but that have taken a couple of years to organise! It is a case of him chatting to the right people but work is going well at the moment so it would be a case of making noises about being interested. He thinks that if he went for it, he would get it.

My mother would be upset. She is considering moving closer to us - 3 miles away rather than 3 hours and after lots of nagging - so that's another negative. Everyone else would be fine.

Good point about the compromise Medea (where are you?). I guess I'm comprising my contentedness for adventure and I think my sticking point really is the children. I always thought they would be fine so long as they were with us and happy but then I read 'The Laments' - George Hagen - and it made me think again. The family in that move every couple of years and the teenage narrator hates having to be the new kid, work everything out again, etc. DS (nearly 4) is a real homebody and likes his routine. Of course, he can adapt - it's a maternal worry thing . DD (2) will be fine wherever she is!

israel - that's what it boils down to 'really living and experiencing as much as possible'. That's what I want for all of us. DH spent only a year in Venezuela when he was 7 but it makes for a quarter or even a half of his 'childhood' reminiscences!

One of the big positives about going to Vancouver would be having another year with DS. He will be going to school here in September having only just turned 4 but in Vancouver he would go next September. A whole year of preschool rather than school!

eidsvold - glad to hear your DH is pleased with your move too. I'd presumed it wasn't too difficult for you returning to your 'home' but I guess it's still a case of uprooting yourself from friends and places that you know.

lapsedrunner - that's what I feel kind of silly about really. Our next door neighbours moved to Bangladesh a few years ago with their 2 children. Now that would be a challenge! I'm sure Vancouver would be great - if a bit wet.

Oh, I shall hassle DH later.

go for it....seize the moment

Sorry - mini hijack - reply to eldestgirl below - we're moving at the end of September but DH will be out there for a week in early September and he will come back and we will travel out together at the end of September.

Thanks for that link - would never have found it on my own!

Rojak - do an archive search on mumsnet for Singapore too. When I was looking at it I found lots of useful information from the searches. I think, from memory, the Aus/NZ women's club was more fun than the British one for example!

gem is has been strange in a way - I had friends who I have had for years - but you know I left here a single girl and return with a child with sn and another on the way and in some ways it was like starting over... a lot of my friends had moved away or my life had changed so much that some had fallen by the way. I have been able to make new friends though dd1 and her activities - so that has helped. But in terms of adjustment - at least I was returning to the familiar.

When we left the UK I was also in the same position with lots of opportunities either way, should I stay or should I go BUT we decided the family would be better here, it was the right decision for us. However now we have been here a year I can't image living in the UK again, I don't fit the way I used to and fit better here. Getting to this point was hard at times. The times that were hardest for us were when things or people from the UK tried to pull us back for example sickness in the family and work issues for my DH (who still works in the UK offically). The rewards for all of us have been fantastic and in hindsight I would still have done it.

Gem13 - just to say my BIL and family are in Vancouver and it is a FAB place to have a family. Our kids want to move there! Dd1 and I were there a month ago ona visit and it was amazing as always (we go as often as we can afford it, and with Zoom flights that is more often than before!).
Like lapsedrunner, I'll go if you don't want to!!

Gem13, we had friends that moved out to vancouver 'for a while' they are still there after 18 years, so i imagine its a great place to be!
We are moving to oz in september 07 and i can really relate to everthing your feeling, reading this thread really helps though, sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone, if its not as comfortable the other side, you can always come back!