WHERE'S BEST TO LIVE IN NZ ETC PART 7 !!

[frikonastick]

Come oooonnnnnn MNHQ, where's our medal

Thanks justa. Reading that really made something click for me.

I think you are absolutely right in that I haven't actually thought about what being a stay at home mom means for ME rather than what I think it's supposed to mean, or should be like, or any of that stuff.

I have been feeling so at sea that I have been looking outward and comparing. Which is really silly of me.

I think I need to identify what will make me feel supported, and comfortable and will work for us as a family as we are, and then work out ways to achieve that.

Thanks justa. Thanks all of you, I really appreciate you being my sounding board. xxx

No no, that completely makes sense, the comfortable with yourself within. Because that's how we have had to be for years and years as expats. With no support or little support etc etc.

It's just that we moved here so we wouldn't be expats anymore, this is now home. And I think I really both consciously and subconsciously thought that everything would be different now. I wouldn't have to be so self contained. That we would have friends and neighbours and be part of people's daily lives etc etc. but I never examined if that was what would actually work for us as a family ( or me as an individual) or even if what I thought staying in one place was going to be like, had any basis in reality!

How long have you been here now frik? I think you will achieve everything you have described and hope for. It just takes a long time to establish those networks.

My experience is that kiwi's spend more time with their families and old friends and are not as open to new friendships as people in more transient communities. Most of my pals are ex pats/new immigrants because of that. Friendships often come about through shared experiences too and that takes time to happen.

I was thinking something similar in that smaller places of NZ can be harder to make friends in as a lot of people have grown up there, have family and long-established friendships etc. Auckland has lots of people who have moved here - either from other parts of NZ or from overseas.

Four months now penguin, will be five on the 18th.

Hhhmmmm, but how do I find me some expats / immigrants! See, we thought we were sooooo clever moving to tauranga.......lol that's my comeuppance for being smug!

You are right though, of course you are, it will take time. You are all being immensely sensible. I clearly am spending too much time in my own head.

Well, after your very appreciated pep talking, I have success! One of the dads at DDs swimming lessons has invited us all for lunch next week he said that they lived in London for ages and on returning found it quite hard to settle back in even though they had all thir family etc etc, and that he was inviting us because 'tauranga is a particularly tough nut to crack' and we must be going mad with trying to make friends !!! So it's not just me!!! Yaaaaay. Now lets hope they are lovely and will be my best friends FOREVA. Lol.

Actually, weirdly, I have heard from someone that Tauranga is quite cliquey. I can't remember who told me that and I have no idea how true it is...

Apparently, very true! Our next door neighbours dropped round a minute ago looking for a lost ball and got onto how we were going for lunch nex weekend and she said, oh well done you, tauranga is the most cliquey place she has ever lived!! And that luckily for them it's not a biggie as they have moved here to be closer to family, but for new comers it must be a nightmare. Am so relieved I haven't just being giving off leper vibes and it really is THEM not ME

Of course, I still have to actually live here........ Maybe I will just institute Auckland day once a fortnight where I will drive into the city and make you all come for coffee with me in a bid to maintain sanity

But thanks again everyone, for taking the time to talk it through with me, really made a difference xxx

If you have an Auckland day can you make it a Friday so I can come?

Oh good frick!
Well done

How weird that is known as cliquey?

I'm sorry you've been feeling lonely , if you do an Auckland day I will try very hard to come too, and give you a big squish and make you feel all loved and special!

THEN you'll be sorry, haha!

All of my friends are kiwis actually, all very welcoming and inclusive...thank god!

In fact in cambridge, I probably made everyone paranoid because I was in a very strange place,emotionally.

And I didn't want to talk to anyone in rl?

Mums would approach, making the usual chit chat and I would completely shut down, to the point I felt if I spoke, I would cry.
God, they must have thought I was such a weirdo.

Anyway, hopefully, you have an "in"..if you get on with the mum, she may introduce you to another family and then you'll be away!!

Beautiful day isn't t?

Dh has just bought dd a wee kayak, and the boys a little slide...currently being used to make mr potato head fly down and explode into pieces at the bottom.
Apparently, it's highly amusing?

That's really weird, I could have sworn my really long post yesterday had posted, but it isn't there now.

In summary: glad things are looking up Frik & I'd definitely be keen on a meet up if you came up this way

And now for the angst: it seems DD's teacher has made some comment to her about needing to learn to "speak properly/right like a Kiwi". Am very unimpressed - even if there was some issue with her pronunciation other than her accent, surely you don't tell a child that (and after gentle questioning it seems she meant her accent rather than pronunciation)

DH thinks I should drop it, and that I'm making more of it because I'm not impressed with the teacher for other reasons, but I want to go in & clarify what was said as I think it has the potential to make DD very self conscious about how she speaks which I think is a lovely accent.

Am I being totally off the wall?

vvv nah, definitely a bit out of order of the teacher, do you know exactly what she said? My dd1 has quite a pommy accent (despite having lived her entire life here) and there are loads of different accents at her school, Chinese, Indian etc. I would be extremely surprised if any of the teachers there commented on it to the children. They have some children there starting school speaking no English at all so the teacher at your dd's school really shouldn't be bothered about an accent.

Oh God, on a completely different note, I've just seen that Charles Saatchi is divorcing Nigella Lawson because he is "disappointed she didn't defend him against abuse allegations"

What an absolute fucking arse he is.

Teacher denies having said anything and said she "hadn't noticed anything about her speech". So I'm not sure where that leaves me, as while DD1 can frequently get things a little garbled, she isn't one to completely fabricate things.

Anyway, shall leave it for now but shall keep an ear out.

Good points justa.

I was just a bit concerned that DD seemed a bit worried by it - and she's so sensitive at the moment I didn't want her to get it into her head that she "speaks wrong", which is how she seemed to take it. She's too very chatty at the moment, but I'm well aware from my own childhood how a couple of comments at the wrong time can really damage confidence. and I'll freely admit I may be projecting a bit as a result of my own experiences

I saw that WWS. He really is a horrid man. I hope she is okay.

Vvv- a pal of mine had similar comments towards her 12 year old. I guess there is a little anti migrant feeling but it's not really on. Good for you for tackling it.

Didn't Andy Murray do well!

Vvv, at kindy the other day, I was dropping DD off and a little girl came up to me and DD and said 'my daddy doesn't like (DDs name) I was like, what? I got her to repeat herself three times. You know when your brain is like, sorry no compute, I thought I must have heard her wrong. Nope.

So once I have established that she really did say that her daddy didn't like my DD (who he has never met and is clearly a complete stranger to us) I asked her, why do you think that is? And she said, because she isn't from here.

I shit you not.

We also had one of the kindy teachers telling DD she wasn't allowed to ask other children if they were her friend or not, because 'that isn't how New Zealand children talk'. I was really really really cross. She said it in front of me too. I go al cold ragey, and very calmly in small words explained that New Zealand children may not feel the need to ask if other children are their friends, because they hadn't just moved COUNTRIES for the fucking 5th time in as many years. And maybe, juuuuust MAYBE my DD was looking for the security of knowing tht the people around her would fill the gaps so recently made in her world.

It took me about a week to calm down actually. That teacher is very very very nice to DD now. Which is just as well, because I saw her drive home one day and I know where she lives......

So in conclusion vvv, I would totally keep an eye on the teacher. I suspect that whatever the truth, she now knows your DD speaks to you, and that you are not averse to speaking up. These are good things.

We've had a few comments too.
In fact, dh and I are relentlessly mocked!

Well, not mocked, but parroted?!

Some people can't help it.

Dh is Irish and There are people who repeat things he says, then laugh!!

Same with me.

I actually made a (kiwi) waitress turn beetroot, as she couldn't work out that I was saying "toast and butter!!"

Hopefully, it was a throw away comment by the teacher and now you've asked her about it, she'll be more careful.

Now, advice please Auckland folk

We are having a family day out (sad anniversary) on Friday.

We're doing swimming (tepid baths I think) despicable me 2, and a meal.

I'm not sure which order these things will be happening yet!

But need advice about where is good to eat as a family.

My friend suggested Mexico (the restaurant, not the country!) but I think my 3 are too fussy for fajitas!

Anywhere we eat will need to be either in Newmarket or the centre.

Recommendations please!

There is a a great pizza place in Newmarket:

www.dineout.co.nz/restaurant.php?rest=4080

Also wagamama's there is supposed to be good.