It all depends on whether sibbles DH has previous form or not though, and it sounds like maybe he has on a smaller scale in the past but he just majorly upped the ante.
It is very difficult to argue or negotiate with someone when you have no currency with them. Someone who doesn't respect you is not going to give your point of view any credence. That's why often times leaving someone to shock them, or make them 'realise' doesn't work. It may make them think shit I don't like doing my own laundry, or I miss my kids, or whatever, but it's not really addressing the lack of respect and consideration that is at the root.
In my very little experience of this with a close friend, she did ask him to leave and he just said no. And that she couldn't make him. Which was true. She couldn't afford to leave him, and so she was momentarily stuck, and he just took it as proof that in fact he could do what he wanted and she really didn't have a say in it. It was pretty awful. But my friend is a very smart, self aware and brave woman. She really wanted to make her marriage work ( I thought she was maaaaad, but never ever said so) so she started to figure out what her currency with him was. Turns out, she always did all the social stuff for them as a couple and he was very into everyone thinking they had a sort of golden life / life style and she negotiated with him that if he wanted to keep that side of things up, then he needed to trade her counseling for it. So basically she still did all these social functions, updated their very cool homepage thingie they have for their family, etcetera etc which he benefited from, but never had to make any actual effort with, and he had to go with her to counseling. It wasn't all completely straightforward and he would say he would go and then not go, but she was really stuck on it and so then wouldn't go to a family function and would TELL PEOPLE WHY and he totally couldn't deal with that, so went to the sessions. Anyway, it went on like that for ages and the counseling did work, eventually. And he really is a much much better guy and she seems very happy now. I honestly don't really know if it was worth all that effort, I mean you can t because its not your relationship IYSWIM. And she is my friend so I sort of think, she should have just moved on to a much better guy! But, she kind of decided what she wanted to achieve and then kind of white knuckled through till she got it.
Fuck. I have no idea why aim telling you this sibble. I am sure it's of no bloody help whatsoever.
Sorry :-(