2013 ist schon da! A new Kaffeeklatsch thread for the New Year - living in Germany and Austria

[LinzerTorte]

All welcome - whether you're living in Germany or Austria, have questions about life in those countries or just want to chat.

Previous thread here.

I was just listening to DH's loud snoring and contemplating a bath rather than bed, given the volume, whe DS2 woke crying... re-settled him and ended up back on the sofa... oops

Outnumbered I can't remember exact details beyond that it was a watch on which you could set a vibrating rather than audible alarm to remind the child to go to the toilet at set intervals (could be used for other reminders too) - a quick google brought up this, which I think must be the type of thing www.especialneeds.com/watchminder-3.html - although that is very expensive to give to a 5 year old! Guess it depends whether it would be worth it to him... maybe an idea for the future when it is more important to him to be independent of a helper...

DS1 pretty much lived in a sling for his first 4 months or so, due to the smallish age gap from DD to him and fact she was quite an attention intensive toddler - he had all his early daytime naps in the sling and I BF in it too - no idea whether there is any connection to the fact that of all my kids he has always been by far and away the best night time sleeper... probably utterly co-incidental though!

Ooh what a fantastic website mrtumble thank you.

antique ds1 was also a Velcro baby. I couldn't put him down during the day and I always envied dh for going to the bathroom by himself! He didn't really feed too much during the day though (too distracted) but made up for it at night...
Ds3 was ok in slings the first few months (thankfully, as I still had ds1&2 in the double pushchair so had to sling him), but from about 4 months he didn't like it anymore. I think it was because I had a Manduca sling... Great orthopaedically, but boring for dc as you can't turn them away from you

MrTumbles Which sling did you have? I like the idea of being able to bf in the sling but it never even occurred to me when ds was tiny. Would be very handy for number two for all the reasons you mentioned.
Enjoy your bath (if you make it).

Antique I never managed to BF in a sling, but ended up helping to run a sling meet group last year and we had a workshop with a local mum who makes and sells slings, she showed us (with dummy weighted dolls) how to adjust ring slings into a breastfeeding position and it was fab - very different from what I'd tried hence my difficulty, and very easy once you got the hang of it. But it's really something you need to be shown in person as it's not intuitive - there are things where you have to grab the material from a certain side and when you watch it, you automatically go to grab it from the wrong side and won't even notice you've done it!

Hello - so much to catch up on today! It's ds2's birthday so just a quick message from me, sorry.

Glad the meeting with the teacher went well MrTumbles, but blimey, have they no strategy on how to deal with them? It's quite scary for the system to place so much emphasis on grades so early, though I appreciate the standards are probably higher. In dd's last report card (in first grade) she just got marks to show whether she consistently or only sometimes met grade expectations for quite specific things in numeracy and literacy.

You are having a rough ride with illness platanos, I hope you are all germ-free really soon.

That health insurance bill is shocking Linzer! It sounds fairly similar to being self-insured here. Do you have co-pays as well? I hope you get it sorted out so you don't have to give up work.

It's lovely to hear all the new words and baby noises. Missing some English food too. Could just open a packet of biscuits.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment outnumbered. The toileting issues are troublesome, aren't they? It makes for such a lot of unpleasant work for you. Dd is going through a bed-wetting stage again (and she's 7 on Friday) so I do sympathise. I'm glad your autism helper will do her best to get your ds ready for school. Fingers x'd it gives you some general relief too. [hugs]

I was so excited yesterday, weissdorn, and have read some of the Richard III threads! I wish I could have seen the documentary, though there were mixed reviews.

Must go and pick up ds1 then dd from schools. Waves to hupa, ploom, nutella, admylin and anyone I've missed.

DS has hat teriffic sleepi today... Perhaps he thinks it is playtime now? Hmmm .... Please!

Antique your dream made me laugh, but why on earth would you put custard creams in the microwave?!

outnumbered you have ever so much to deal with, I agree with the others that it is great your DS1 can go to school. I think it's fantastic that your wishes have been listened to. I hope DS2 feels better soon, and that the Kur gives you some time to rest properly and have some respite.

Bertie it's funny the things you miss, I don't miss bacon at all. It's little things like baking ingredients or squash that you maybe wouldn't have often but it would be nice to have the option.

I have a moby sling and I find that every time I put DS in it (whether he likes it or not) I'm getting better at figuring it out. Although he hasn't spent long in it. Perhaps I need to try getting out of bed earlier and give our days more structure... Mind you if we have a hard night I know that'll get blown out of the water ...

Antique I used wraps - a Storchenweige and a Didymos. With DS2 I used a ring sling, which was the easiest to feed in but I never got on with for long carries/ wearing - with the wraps it was just like having a pregnancy bump, no more (nor less) awkward, and as DS1 was a winter baby he went under my coat so I could take DD out to the playground or for a walk without disturbing him if he was napping in there, or cook dinner etc. It wasn't especially comfortable to sit down in though - I used to sit on the edge of the sofa with my legs apart to have room for him (he was never a small baby and put weight on fast too). I used it a lot til he started sitting at about 4 or 5 months, then less indoors but kept using it outdoors til he was about 8 months, when I switched to a framed back carrier.

Thanks for the sympathy...ds still unwell and just found out the kinderarzt is shut on Wednesdays during the holidays. I don't think he needs to go to the dr because of this particular illness, but I am wondering if she can give us something to boost his immune system in general, or if he needs to get his tonsils looked at again ....or something, poor lad. It may just be that he has a weaker immune system and I can live with that but I would just like to make sure we have done all we can to avoid him being ill. He will probably be stronger by the time he starts school, but if he continues this pattern of being ill every two weeks, he will be in Volkschule forever.

jenny happy birthday to your ds. did you have a party?

outnumbered sorry to hear about how you are feeling. how is ds2 today? well done on not opening the wine. As others have said, you do have so much to deal with, not only on a daily basis but worries about the future concerning school and further. Will your ds have an integrationshelferin to himself? or is there one for a few children? good to hear the director is supporting you though and fingers crossed. At the end of the day, it is hard to know how it will all turn out, and can only go by what you feel and know now. And please let it all out here...that kur can't be more deserved, or come soon enough.

Antique do you know what kindergarten you would like ds to go to? Some parents in ds's kindergarten have visited around 20 schools to find the right one for their child. I feel a bit irresponsible for just sending them to the nearest one .

nutella ds sounds very sweet. shame that the pils are sulking. But in the end you might get to a more normal relationship where boundaries are set. I could really do with some biscuits too...

mrtumbles meant to say your ds2 sounds like a cute little monkey! do you think he gets away with lots because he is a charmer? Might serve him well in life

linzer shocked at the bill. did you find out what happened? surely that can't be right? fingers crossed it is not.

ploom great you got seen so quickly. I hate taking all three to the drs - esp at the end of the day when they are all tired.

half way through sorting out our paperwork...all been stuffed into the "very important papers" file and now need to be sorted.

ah, meant to share something from my work. we got an email saying that the dr would be at work next week and the topic was:

"Bodymess Index"

ha ha ha....all sort of funny things happen when you confuse your 'a's with your 'ä's...

Just back from the doctor, as I thought DD2 might have a UTI (in fact, I'm sure that DH told me that the hospital said she did) but it's turned out to be just inflammation so the doctor has prescribed sitz baths with camomile tea. Now to check whether we actually have any camomile tea...

platanos at Bodymess. I'm still on my one-woman campaign to get Austrians pronouncing the English a correctly, but sense I'm fighting a losing battle when even DD1 insists on pronouncing "an" as "en" when she's reading through things she's done in class - otherwise the teacher will correct her, apparently (I'm not sure whether to believe that or not).
at parents visiting 20 schools! We have about five primary schools here but don't have a choice and children are just assigned to their nearest school.

Jenny We only have co-pays here if you visit a Wahlarzt (private doctor); normally it would be 20%, but I now only pay 10% since achieving all my Gesundsheitsziele. If you go to a Kassenarzt, you don't normally have to pay anything - unless it's for something like a vaccination, say.

Antique I had to laugh at your dream and the way that you obviously associate me with coffee and biscuits. I thought everyone warmed their biscuits up in the microwave; it's terribly bad for your stomach to have anything at room temperature, you know.

MrTumbles I'm sure they've told each other at least twice what their favourite game is! DD2 was halfway through replying to your DD when we were called in to see the doctor and is now busy building Lego, but I'm sure she'll finish off her message later.

outnumbered That all sounds so hard; I know how worrying it can be when you have a child who doesn't "fit the norm" (apart from DD1's academic difficulties, she's emotionally quite immature and can be quite difficult personality-wise), but haven't experienced anything like on the same scale as what you're going through. Well done for staying away from the wine - I'm sure the Kur can't come soon enough, and it's definitely well-deserved.

Started writing a post and then the battery died on the ipad, aargh...

linzer I'm in a similar situation with my health insurance - just got a letter telling me they are going to charge me 670? from next month, although I hope they will revise that downwards now I've sent them our last tax return. I was paying 340? a month, despite earning an average of about 400? , but they take DH's income into account somehow. We will see...

platanos it's one of my new year's resolutions to stop mispronouncing 'a's when speaking German to make neudeutsche words sound more German iykwim. I had to arbitrate between a kid I teach and her mother last week: "die Frau Englisch-Lehrerin sagt 'black', NICHT 'bläck'". I'm still a bit annoyed with myself for giving the "oh, that's the American pronounciation" reason instead of just saying "your teacher was wrong".

antique I also had a Didymos wrap sling, but although I may have managed to tie it so I could bf in it once or twice, I never managed it regularly. At the risk of getting very boring by going on and on about Katy Says, she seems to advocate carrying babies without a sling as much as possible - she does say that her favourite parenting book is "Hunter Gatherer Mama" or something...

outnumbered sounds like you're going through a really difficult time atm. I hope you all at least get over all the illnesses going round as quickly as possible so you can get a bit of a break and recharge your own batteries.

nutella one thing that I always tell myself I'm going to do next time round (if I should be so lucky) is get out for a walk with the baby as early as possible every morning! Probably wouldn't have helped with dd's sleeping though.

mrtumbles those boys sound nasty. I hope your dd can stay away from them most of the time.

jenny happy birthday to your ds2!

waves to everyone else.

Thanks, Bertie! I'll bear that in mind next time. I had a Moby wrap, which I really liked, but not a ring sling.

Happy birthday to your DS2, jenny!

MrTumbles Thank you! I might have a look at the Didymos next time. (I'm making all these plans and we haven't even started trying yet.) (Obsessed, moi...?)

platanos at Bodymess! There are a few Kigas round here that I plan on looking at, but there are only two or three which I've heard good things about. 20 is a lot! I imagine they would all just merge into one in my head after five or six, which would make the decision a lot harder. Hope your DS feels better soon.

Linzer Hope the camomile tea works quickly for your DD. That sounds very uncomfortable, hope it clears up soon. I don't have any biscuits in at the moment (although I have just placed an order with foodsfromhome) otherwise I would be microwaving them willy-nilly. All in the name of research, you understand.

cheas People saying 'ä' when it should be 'a' is one of my pet hates. I'm not sure I'd describe myself as a Hunter-Gatherer Mama, maybe that's where I'm going wrong.

cheas I presume Katy also advocates just having one baby/ big age gaps then? :D Imagine hunting and gathering with baby twins and a toddler, one under each arm and one on your shoulders maybe :D

Get well soon Linzer's dd2 and Plantanos's ds

mrtumbles actually she ended up with a pretty small age gap - well under 2 years if I've read it properly. Most of the baby-development posts are pre-dc2 (born Sept or Oct 2012) though and I think there were a couple of references to frequent bf suppressing fertility . Anyway, she says that hunter-gatherers actively train their babies walking reflexes and that when carried a lot without a sling, babies start to cling on after a couple months, supporting some of their own weight. This all leads to these children walking independently at an average age of 9 months, which her ds apparently did.

antique dd was given a balloon with "Takko Fashion" on and keeps saying "Takko Fäshion" because she knows how much it annoys me. I'm telling her she should say "Täkko Fäshion" if she's going to make one of the 'a's a 'ä'. And don't get me started on that song "Äction, ich will äction", although dd sings "ek-shoo" and laughed at me when I told her the singer thinks he's singing "action"...

I hope everyone´s ill children are feeling better soon. We´ve been pretty lucky so far this winter, but I think dd and ds have ended up with pretty good immune systems because they have to walk through the waiting room on their way to and from school, so get a lot of exposure to germs everyday.

outnumbered It must be so draining having the constant worry of wondering what the future holds aswell as dealing with day to day problems. I really hope hope the Kur gives you the chance to recharge your batteries.

jenny Happy birthday to DS2.
How´s your back holding up at the moment?

Linzer I think I´d find it quite hard to motivate myself to work, if I knew it was all going to disappear on my health insurance.

I forgot to say that last week I meet a really sweet 6 month old baby called John Wayne. I think I must have looked a bit because the mum went on to explain that the dad and the granddad all have the same name. Mind you I´m sure the children he grows up with will have no idea about the actor. He´s got a really German surname which made it sound even more odd/incongurous really for such a young baby.

Hello to everyone I´ve missed. I´ve been interrupted so many times since I started this post, I´ve forgotten what I was going to say.

hupa that is an odd name to call a child, even more bizarre that it is carrying on a family tradition. Although DP knows a song about "Theo... Something wagen an..." I appear to have forgotten it already and an English teacher of mine swore she had a boy called "Dwayne Pipe" in her class once. I love funny names, although it is a bit mean to saddle your kid with an amusing name.

Linzer I agree with hupa I would definitely be put off work if it was basically being swallowed by my health insurance every month. Although when I was learning German I had less time for working so was only just paying for my health insurance with maybe 50? left over. Now... When Elterngeld is hopefully approved I don't mind because it isn't my money that will be paying for the insurance :o

I'm quite well stocked for biscuits actually, I even have some custard creams which you can wrestle from my cold dead grasp if you want to microwave them cheas

mrtumbles I can't wait to see the pictures of you hunter gathering (thought that was why we had men actually ) with a baby/toddler under your arm.

I'm going to carry on sitting on the sofa :) DS is beginning to stir and I'm not going to walk around feeding him :o might grab another digestive first....

Nutella I mostly hunt and gather in Aldi, and tend to use the trolley :D

Cheas my DD walked at 9 months too, and I am sure I do nothing Katie recommends :) My boys walked later - DS1 (who was in the sling loads and loads) at 10.5 months, and DS2 (who I did carry more as DD and DS1 were a bit older and I had less need to actually have both hands free for them not til 12.

BTW I am not picking on you cheas I just hate theorists who tell us how to raise our kids and have decided they are all talking out of their bottoms, one would have to have to have more children than is biologically possible to really know whether a strongly formed theory of parenting works and the results one sees in ones own 1, 2, 3 or even 6 or 7 children is anything other than fluke.

Hello! I shall do my best now and catch up on this thread :)

at all the hunter gatherer talk!

linzer hope it's not too unpleasant for your dd2. Funnily enough I took ds1 to the drs last week as I thought he might have a UTI, but it was just a slight Harnröhreninfektion. For us it was also Sitzbad with camomile tea.

platanosBodymess is a good one. I hope your ds is better real soon!

jenny belated Happy Birthday to your ds. did you recycle presents in the end?

at all of you making fun of Germans mispronouncing English words!!

hupa what a strange name to give to your baby!! my dh insists that in his little village where he grew up, there was a girl called Claire Grube. equally good as Dwayne Pipe I think! Sometimes you do think what on earth possessed those parents. When I got offered that Feuerwehrlehrer Stelle in Lüneburg, me and dh interviewed several nannies. one of them was a Oma-type. she said she has three grandchildren, and the names were: Aragorn, Legolas and something else from Lord of the Rings!!

and nutella it's 'Theo, spann den Wagen an, denn der WInd treibt Regen übers Land'.

for letting me have a little whinge last night. I dont tend to have big whinges about how difficult it is raising our special boys, because it doesnt change anything anyway. but and then it gets the better of me and I feel terribly sorry for myself and long for the family life we thought we would have.

I was expecting the worst for today...the Integrationshilfen have got rather ridiculous wrt to illnesses in our family. thus as soon as there is a little runny nose I will now have to tell them, and they will not come here for a couple of days!!! So I did my dury and told them ds2 was coughing a little. It really was just a little cough this morning (not like yesterday), no fever, no runny nose, but I decided to keep him at home basically because I can iyswim. anyway, I got an email saying that they will not be coming to our family until next week. is it just me who thinks this is very ? I mean, when you go into work (and that's what our family is for them! and they get tons and tons of money from the Jugendamt for it) do you first rind all your colleagues or customers if they have a cold? and if they do, then simply say 'sorry, I cant afford to get ill, I will not be coming in!' I find it very odd indeed!
so I was on my own with the three for the afterrnoon. and it was ok! even more than ok. ds2 was stimming a lot, but otherwise calm. and ds1 was so much calmer than the last weeks. I just took them to bed and did a little reflection of the day with ds1, how proud I was of him how he did this, and how he that. and doesnt it feel good to share and play nicely with ds2 etc.

Let's see...I told ds1 he'd get one sweet in the morning of his bed stays dry, and one sweet if he goes to sleep without coming out of his room shouting for me. please please

my dad is coming to visit on Friday and is staying until Sunday. That will be something nice to look forward too as well.

ds1 had his Faschingsfeier at Kiga today, ds2&3 have their's tomorrow. I wish I could be a little fly on the wall and watch ds2. last year I was still picking him up early and was able to watch him a little that way. he was the typical spectator, refusing to get dressed up, refusing to join in. it really was like a show, and he was standing on the outside just watching them.

oh, and platanos to answer your question re ds1 and Integrationshelfer at school: He will have his own Integrationshelfer. actually, hopefully, if the Jugendamt p(l)ays along, she will be starting this APril by going into ds1 preschool twice a week for several hours to do some 'work' with him. and as it is an Inklusive Grundschule, there is also a general Pädagogische Fachkraft in every class.

Linzer I hope DD2 feels better quick and is able to enjoy some of the school holiday! Did your kindle arrive already? I think DP has signed us up for amazon prime or family or something, ours arrived today. I haven't had a chance to plug it in and fiddle with it yet though. Honestly too tired to figure it out, it will have to wait. Yawn -->

platanos I'm sure mine would be a bodymess index right now but it reminded me I saw something in a shop window and part of the advert included the word f*ck ... Bizarre that there are often English words in adverts, more bizarre when thy are swear words!

outnumbered that's the song, I think I was going down the route that it is annoying when your name appears in a song (For example my aunt Eileen) but I'm not sure how popular the Theo song is
Hope your boys continue to surprise you with their lovely behaviour. I agree it's a bit rubbish that the help has scarpered at the sight of a cold! Hopefully you will have a lovely time with your dad visiting. My mum is coming again in march and I can't wait. (She might be a crazy mummy but she is definitely a great grandma)

mrtumbles I'm very disappointed. Well then it's probably time to call antique back in from trudging around in her tiger skin in the snow :)
Sorry cheas I never got around to looking at the Katy says blog/website although it sounds interesting; Although it probably won't be as amusing as the loose interpretation here has been :o

Right, I think I'm going to get ready for bed. I am shattered today! Night night all! Hope poorly DCs have a good night and feel better in the morning.

Hello all. I never know what to say in reply to you all, you speak so fast I pick up on the odd thing here and there.

I have been talking to my friend who spent a couple of years in Germany and did some work experience in a Kindergarten. She says there were lots of Turkish-speaking children in the area she was in and the older ones were very different to the younger ones just in terms of confidence if not language. This reassured me quite a lot as I'm worried DS will be the only English-speaking child in Kiga and although the adults will hopefully understand him enough at first for him to get by and he regularly plays here with little Polish or Asian children who don't have much English it might be hard for him.

Speaking of children, my friend had a baby this morning :) DS was very excited to hear this too and told me proudly how the mummy's tummy gets bigger and bigger until the baby pops out! I corrected him but it made me realise that I don't really have a word for him which is the female equivalent of "willy" - I think vagina/vulva is too clinical and I can't abide foo, foof, tuppence, flower etc - too twee. I wondered if there was a word in German language which children tend to use for female anatomy which isn't considered rude, kind of a female equivalent of "willy"? Sorry for the bizarre question

Platanos I've noticed random usage of English words too in adverts or shop displays, it's strange. And strange when they play an English song in a shopping centre or something, but they don't play the censored version like they would here!

Forgot to say as well. I'm doing a CELTA course currently which will qualify me to teach English over in Germany which I hope will provide enough income (along with DP's salary) to survive! The course is really intensive and I'm finding it tough but absolutely loving it - it's one of the most fascinating and best things I've ever done.

DS is still feeding... Ohhhh he has a little milk drunk smile on his face... Maybe he'll sleep??

Bertie I did a CELTA and that coupled with being a native speaker you should be able to find teaching work - I have