WHERE'S BEST TO LIVE IN NZ AND WHAT DO WE NEED TO KNOW: PART 5!

[AngryBeaver]

Look at us Chatty Cathy's!
Justa oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
(I'm not sure )

[underthemountain]

Thanks-I am guessing they will charge then. Hmmm-maybe take cash then?

[AngryBeaver]

I haven't read anything, but can I just say this,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And if anyone wants to stroke my nitty hair while I weep, that would be nice

[WhatSheSaid]

Haha, I was wondering where you were AB.

So how's it going with your mum then?

[frikonastick]

there there

[AngryBeaver]

Had a huge row today. Lots of blame (directed at me) How Mum couldn't take anymore. NZ just brought back bad memories. She is still grieving for her grandaughter and I get pregnant again weeks afterwards? ("How you could even have sex, I don't know") There must be something wrong with me mentally. Am I emotionally blackmailing dh? At which point I say to dh "dh, do you want another baby?" dh says "yep"
It all got far worde after that. Things were said.
It was not good.
I am driking wine

[WhatSheSaid]

urgh, sounds bad, sorry if I was a bit flippant asking.

[WhatSheSaid]

And at the end of the day, it's your life, it's not up to her when or if you get pregnant. She can't actually run your life for you. It's not her right.

[AngryBeaver]

Ach, don't worry about flippancy. You lot make me laugh, and I need that!
I need some help with something.
I have always had to walk on eggshells with my (older) brother. He has always had a temoer but Mum has always made excuses for him.
If anyone remembers, he said to me when Mum came to visit the last time and my Gran started to fail, "You are the one who fucked off for a better life. You no longer get a say in what happens here"
We had a huge fallin out, but have made up since. he is really immature and relies on Mum a a lot.

Mum has only been here a few days and he has already skyped, whinging that he has a hernia, and is scheduled for op in 3 weeks "they are going to cut me up and it's xmas!" his dp has to "do everything" for him and their child (boo fucking hoo) honestly, it is pathetic.

I sent him a text saying, hope you are ok, miss you xx
He sent one back saying....Am in lots of pain, but taking painkillers, dp has to do everything which I feel awful about. ds has cold and just been sick. Would be nice if mum was here to help. I hope you realise how your decision to emigratehas inmpacted on other people. It is your life choice, but we all pay a price for it xx

I am fucking seething. He has ONE child. A dp and a MIL round the corner. But, he wants my mum to come and fawn all over him and his bloody hernia and look after child with cold? He is 38 by the way!

He has NO fucking idea what it is really like to cope on your own. Since we have been here, well you know what we have been through. Apart from all things horrific, have had the most awful bout of tonsilitius where I could barely lift my head from the pillow, and I had to look after THREE young children ALONE.No choice. DIdn't moan.

It's a joke.

What do I reply? DO I reply at all? Mum has asked me to "be the bigger person" and not say anything. That is what I have always had to do all my life.

I don't want to cause another shit storm.
Suppose I'm just letting off steam

[meerkate]

bloody HELL AB!!!!!

FAMILIES!!!!

I can't believe what you're having to deal with, on both maternal and fraternal fronts!!!

Agree totally with wise-woman justa

I personally would be LONGING to reply to my brother in your situation, but think the course of wisdom is just leaving well alone - you're never going to change him or his strange and self-centred attitudes, clearly, so you need to muster all your inner strength and resources to rise above this bullshit you are being served up.

It is amazing how people think it's all about them, isn't it?!

Big hugs to ya - hope you get through the rest of your mum's visit okay. I still remember melting down in front of my parents when they visited us in Perth and accusing them of 'sitting in silent judgement of me and my parenting' - that went down well there is definitely a pressure-cooker effect when one lives so far away and then sees people for a short and incredibly intense period of time, as has been said above!!

Lots of love to you all xxx

[shelscrape]

Oh no ... blardy families!! Hugs to you AB and some too. On one level being in NZ keeps you away from the usual family shite, but when it hits you in the face it so much more intense than when you ahve to deal with it day to day.

On a completely different tack ... isn't hot? I literally melted walking home form work today. The flipping Court still has it's air conditioning on fridge temperatures so I have to wear tights to keep warm in Court, then I walk home in a black dress and jacket, tights and stupid high heels. Good excuse to have a cold from the fridge when I get home though

[meerkate]

PS AB LOVED those 'xx' at the end of your bro's text by the way

[AngryBeaver]

Thanks everyone.
Sorry for terrible grammar/spelling etc was a bit drunk and trying to get everything out!
I think I won't reply. There is nothing I can trust myself to say,so I'll say nothing.
meerkate I know, I laughed at the xx too! It's like, I'm going to slag you off and say horrid things to you, but if I put some xx at the end, it's all fine! twat

shels That's not ideal is it?! Can't you nip into the loo before you leave and remove your tights?!

[AngryBeaver]

That's a really good idea!

[AngryBeaver]

Sorry underthemountain do you mean a cash passport thing? My Mum uses one of those and I had one here for a few months (which Mum had loaded with money for me) used it until it ran out. I don't think it charged me, but it was a pain as I couldn't check the balance on it.
So everytime I used it I squirmed thinking "Is there anything left on this?!" Didn't want to be rejeced at the till again

[WhatSheSaid]

Good idea about the Amazon Christmas hampers. We only buy for kids in our family and I always just get everything from Amazon anyway as postage is free for anything over £5.

[lollystix]

Oh AB I'm do sorry your mum is being difficult and insensitive and your DB is being a dick. Don't reply - you won't achieve anything other than fuelling a fight with you- he's cross and he wants you to know it but probably riding on the general malcontent with your decision and it's easy to cast you as the family villain when you're not present.

If its any consolidation SIL said on Skype to DH that he had no idea of what she'd been left with (talking about the upset of their parents). DH just pretended he didn't hear. I feel cross - maybe I'm being selfish but what do we do? Move back, sit on their sofa and make ourselves unhappy just because they can't grow up and accept DH is an adult with his own life and family now? I wish they could all accept it and try and be happy. Obviously your mum situation is really distressing as its in your face and slightly insensitive on her part given what you've been through. My DH now reticent to Skype as he's such passive aggression off his lot.

[AngryBeaver]

I just don't know why people think it's their place to say things like this!
I said to Mum "How many people emigrate every week? Do you think their families emotional bully them for over a year?It is not NORMAL!"

I reeled off a few of my school friends that emigrated last year too, and told her they do not get the grief I do. She said "well maybe they arae not as cherished as you, aren't you lucky that you are so adored?"
Oh yes, you make me feel SOOOOOOOOOOOO special!!

She told me that it was because they love me so much, and miss me so much.

I told her that it's not because db loves and misses me, it was because he can't abide being inconvenienced. And when Mum is here, it is a masssive inconvenience to him.
Also jealousy is a huge factor with him.
(mum denies this and says he would never settle here, having been here, she knows this!
Maybe he wouldn't settle here, but he is envious that I have done something brave.
He always used to talk about emigrating, but never had the balls to do it.
Then he met his dp and had dn, so he is stuck now.
Definitely a part of what is going on as far as I'm concerned.

lolly your dh's family is so silly. How can they not see how that behaviour will push him away?!