Der Nebel steigt, es fällt das Laub - a German and Austrian autumn thread

[AntiqueMuppet]

A thread for anyone living in Germany or Austria, or anyone else who fancies a chat.

Previous thread here

hupa hope it wasn't too serious, what did your dh have to do? Not stitches I hope.

The freedom that dc have is good but I used to get quite frustrated when school didn't bother to let you know the dc would be late or early or not giving times (or sticking to them) for day trips. You really have to be relaxed and not a worrier type or you'd get ill with a dc in the German system. I've had both dc return over an hour later than expected in primary school days. Somewhere along the line they all learn the famous deutsche pünktlichkeit I guess!
Now that they're both at Gymnasium they let me know if they're coming late if they can sneak a text or call as mobiles aren't allowed in the school building but teachers accept to turn a blind eye if they go just outside the school path which seems silly to me.

linzer can I also come for a cup of tea?! I often wish the doorbell would ring and it wouldn't just be a postman or one of the dc's friends. That's what I miss most, having a friend who does spontaneous drop ins for a quick coffee.

Just popping in to say hi! One fine day I will actually catch up with all the posts!

Speaking of coffee - Admylin, are we on for tomorrow or is Wed. not good for you? Let me know.

Hi Westvan, yes tomorrow is good (just noticed your message on fb)!

Got your message! I'll be there.

admylin Yes of course, you'd be more than welcome. I even have half a Linzer Torte left over from our visit to my ILs at the weekend, although you'll have to be quick as it's disappearing fast! It's a shame we're all too spread out to have a proper thread get-together.

hupa Hope your DD is ok now. I can't imagine staying in touch with many people for long if we moved away either; I know lots of people, but all (apart from one or two expat friends) at a fairly superficial level.

Thank you to all of you - it really does help that I'm not the only one in this boat. A mass MN cuppa get together would be a fab idea - it is a shame we all live so far away from each other. I agree with you hupa and linzer - I also know lots of people locally on a superficial level (my FIL was astounded once when we were out at a fest that I "knew" so many people) but there's not many of them who I would want to get to know any better than that . And the one or two that I think I'd want to know I dont see often enough to get to know better.....

Oh hupa - I'd have been cross if the school hadnt called me in that situation. Hoep your dd is ok. I picked ds2 up today and was so shocked that the other dc were let out to play with no jacket on. It was only 4 degrees!! Those dc will be poorly soon .

nutella - people who take the huff easily drive mad. Dont think its any great loss to you that the wife hasnt been in contact since. Glad you've made some good friends at the German course - its good because you're all in a similar situation. There were only a lot of Russians at my Geman course and they all stuck together and swapped to Russian at the first opportunity.

english - cant believe your ds2 is so big already to be chatting and drawing - where did that time go! I dont have any great desire to move back to the UK despite my fed-up-ness - dont imagine we'd have this quality of life in the UK. I agree about how much more independent dc seem here and agree there doesnt seem to be quite as much bitchy fighting between the dc.

admylin - I was quite surprised when dd went to Gymnasium that they werent allowed mobiles - they are so relaxed about everything else including smoking. Dd doesnt bother taking hers anymore since its not a smartphone and its just so embarrassing . Maybe Santa will bring me a new one and she can have mine.

Off to skype with my IL's now - my FIL is 69 today .

Thanks everyone for asking about dd. She´s fine. Dh put some steri strips on and then she insisted on going back to school because she has double art today and then stays on to go to Theater Ag this afternoon. She did change her trousers, as the ones she was wearing had a massive rip on the knee and were covered in blood. Dh said it´s normal for dc to be sent along with a friend after a Schulunfall. We´re the nearest practice to school, so they all end up here regardless of who the Hausarzt is.

ploom Happy Birthday to your FIL - is he planning to celebrate today or at the weekend?

Linzer I´ve never actually tried Linzertorte, but it looks delicious. Did you make it yourself? It looks like it could be quite tricky, but then I´m useless in the kitchen.

Hupa good to hear that your DD is fine but think I'd also be a little if school didn't let me know my (not even born yet) child needed to pop to the DR

Ploom I'm not sure if it was me or them that should be more offended... Perhaps I was too huffy about them bringing the pram (up to the 2nd floor) into our flat; but also can't say I miss them ... At least I have the excuse I'm pregnant therefore unreasonable = totally normal and in most cases allowed

linzer A thread meet up would be lovely... Ah well...
admylin I know what you mean about friends just turning up, would be nice if someone rang and or popped over at short notice... I wish my best friend still lived close, even though some weeks it felt like she was moving in I loved having her round for dinner/lunch/coffee whatever ...

oh nutella - I think your well within your rights to be pregnantly unreasonable! When else can you get away with it! .

hupa - glad your dd is ok - bet she'll be showing them all her war wound. Ds2 badly cut his finger at the pool on friday - not sure how tho and has shown me it numerous times a day and its the first thing he shows dh when he gets home. Think he'll quite miss it when its better.

We've just skyped my IL's (they were in their underwear again ). Think they've had a nice day and they've just said they've organised a wee family party on the 1st of December once they're back to celebrate all the family birthdays they've missed while they've been away. We'll be like the boring ones at it tho - BIL & SIL have been in S Africa for the last 8 weeks with their baby and my IL's are in Asia. My BIL struggles tho when he's not the centre of attention but so does my MIL so it'll be a fun day watching them trying to get their travelling stories out first.

Oh and cheas and I have made some plans to get together and go shopping. Whoo hoo some normal company to look forward to .

Ploom at you skying your ILs in their underwear! Actually, I think I'd be more likely to be shocked by my ILs skyping... MIL pulled up her top not long ago to show us her huge bruise; I rushed out of the room because I'm very British and repressed and DH said he just didn't know where to look!

of your shopping trip with cheas. I haven't been shopping with a friend for years - that's the kind of thing I miss - although the lack of decent shops here doesn't exactly help matters.

DD1 wants a smartphone for Christmas and has said she'll give her old mobile to DS! There's no way she's getting one, though; she really doesn't need another electronic device to distract her and she definitely finds it harder to entertain herself than the other two do.

Nutella I've never known anyone to bring a pram or pushdoor indoors - you could understand it if they had a sleeping baby in the pram, but then you'd leave it by the door, not wheel it about all over the flat. That would have really annoyed me too.

hupa My MIL made the Linzer Torte for DH's birthday. I do like it, but it can be on the dry side; the few that DH has made have actually tasted better than my MIL's.

Wow I'm amazed at how many of us are in the same boat - lots of acquaintances but few we'd really think of as proper friends. It is hardly surprising though living in another culture.

Nutella pregnancy unreasonable is compulsory - you are also allowed to cry at random times, just so you know :) Mind you on that note I wish non sleeping toddler and 3 kids all having different requirements unreasonable and forgetful was more widely acceptable :) Sometimes I am a little unreasonably jealous of the new mums who everyone expresses huge understanding for and who then reveal their PFB sleeps 20 hours out of 24, and their DH rushes home all pink cheeked and eager to do bath and bedtime, cook grown up dinner and get up with the baby in the mornings so new mum can rest more ...

Ploom I don't ever want to think about my ILs in their underwear! but then I think like Linzer my first shock would be them using Skype . Goodness, I'm glad I wasn't eating when I read that :)

English I reckon you are doing an amazing job, and at the very least I hope you know you can always come on MN and we'll do our best to remind you of that! :)

linzer I've never tried Linzer torte either. But it looks like something I would enjoy, :o it is a pity cake doesn't post easily... Although I once posted a friend some leftover chocolate icing - as a joke, they didn't believe I'd post it - and that worked...

DP is watching football so I'm MNing. Also need to catch up on sending some emails.......... Yeah in reality I probably won't get much further than MN tonight :)

morning! dd still home poorly - she said last night she was determined to get back to school today (I was impressed with her dedication) but there was no way she was well enough when she woke up this morning. Have just been to the Apotheke to ask if they had anything for her sore throat that doesnt taste as awful as the the throat spray I use when I've a sore throat - they gave me something then charged me 5?! Hate how expensive everything at the Apotheke is.

english - from one mum of 3 to the other - I know how hard it is and you are doing an amazing job on a years complete lack of sleep. I agree with`nutella - thats what this thread is good for - moaning to someone always makes you feel better.

nutella - ha ha at your and linzer's British repressedness . I am still that way about my own body but have got used to them walking about in their underwear. One time we visited when we still lived in the UK and my MIL called me up to the bathroom to help her with dd and my MIL was completely starkers!!! I didnt know them as well as I do know and didnt know where to look or what to say - can never trust her that she'll not do it again one day.

I've never had Linzertorte either linzer - think I'll have to go and google it to see if I could make it. I've got the bread machine out this morning to make this - I made it last week with dd - it tasted delicious but wasnt long enough in the oven cause we had to go out. I couldnt work out where the normal dough setting was on the bread machine (very rarely use it) so am having to sit next to it to catch it before it starts to bake. It doesnt look like its risen very well yet but I've no idea how much longer it'll rise for - god I'm such a crap baker - really wish I was better at it .

Morning all,

Sorry your DD is still ill, Ploom; hope the medicine works quickly (especially considering how much you paid for it!). Our neighbours' DD has just had scarlet fever so I've been keeping a close eye on the DC, but as the incubation period is up to 5 days and she's been on antibiotics since Friday, I think they should be OK.

Nutella If I did try to post you any Linzer Torte, you would most likely end up with a pile of crumbs! There's a nice cafe in Linz that claims to be home to the original Linzer Torte, however, so I suggest that as the venue for our meet-up (possibly after the barn holiday that cheas is arranging for us ).

English Don't forget the grandparents living upstairs/next door/within a 5 km radius at most (they generally tend to be more helpful than the DHs here). I so remember that sleep-deprived feeling - I don't know how you've coped for so long.

Equally annoying are those parents of good sleepers who assume it's because they're doing something right. Actually, parents of good sleepers were - at the time - annoying full stop!

at all the British prudishness on here! I've obviously been here too long - was topless in the (female only) shower room at the swimming baths last week when a male swimming instructor wandered in checking for kids from his class. My South American friend, who was completely naked in the shower, was embarassed and shocked, but my reaction was just "it's East Germany, innit"! I can't bring myself to go to the sauna, though - I wonder if that will change after another 12 years here!

I can sympathise with finding it hard to make friends when you don't go out to work. There are two women here who I would say I gel really well with, so I guess I've been lucky to meet them, but those friendships are still a long way off developing into something properly intimate and lasting. Mind you, I don't know that I have any friendships of the kind I suspect ploom is referring to - no-one I would want to ring the minute I got a bfp, for example. In fact, I wonder if it's almost a generational thing - my friends in the UK don't seem that interested in maintaining friendships over the phone and seem to prefer text messages and fb or simply going a year or three without any contact, but that's mostly the men.

I made sourdough loaf number 3 yesterday and realised later that I'd put all the starter in instead of keeping some back for the next loaf . It rose really well, though, as you might expect. Hope your plait turns out well, ploom.

some people I know on the radio. These are the women I went to the soft play with last week

Ah thanks everyone :) (warm glow) Ds2 was up for 2 hours from 2am this morning, and then he woke DS1 up at 5am and they were both wide awake - of course Ds2 is fast asleep now, but that doesn't help much (except I get MN time) as Dd will be home from school in half an hour! My in-laws are helpful but they live about 60km away, which is an hour's drive due to the country roads, so they usually have the kids once each school holiday, could be twice in summer but the timing only worked out once this summer. They prefer to only have 2 of the kids at a time (any 2, but they prefer not being out numbered!) but last week they had all 3 for the first time, which meant I got 2 nights sleep! Its just that you can't bank 2 night's sleep to last you the next 8 weeks can you... but still it is vastly better than no help! Always want to tell people with good sleepers from early on, or who's DH's do 50% of the nights despite working (if the mum is a SAHM) that they don't know they're born, but have managed never to actually do it! :)

Ploom I'm sure I stumbled over somebody recollecting that you worked full time and did a masters whilst your DC were all toddlers! Is that right - that puts me to shame, and maybe I'm the one who doesn't know I'm born! :) Hope your DD is better soon - my DH always tells me to go to the doc for a prescription to get kids meds free even if I don't actually need them to see a doc, but I always tell him his logic is warped as it's not worth the 15km drive each way and an hour's wait in the waiting room to save ?5 for baby Nuerofen or whatever, even though it's over priced!

cheas I am rather glad my PIL don't walk around in their underwear... I have got used to how relaxed everyone is in the gym and the cubicle free showers and still manage to enjoy actually getting to shower uninterrupted (though it is usually quiet when I go and if I'm lucky I can shower alone) but I still don't like it when total strangers start small talk while I'm not dressed - as long as we all ignore each other I'm fine and happy if I spot anyone fatter than me I did even use the sauna once when my back hurt too much to exercise, but the one in the Lady's changing room which is the only one that isn't mixed, and I only went in because it was empty and took an extra towel in case I wanted to cover up and make my escape! :o

Hupa glad your dd is OK - a girl at my dd's school was taken to hospital by ambulance with only a friend before the summer! They did try to call her parents but had to send her on without them - they have no spare staff at the small 4 class Dorf Schule, even the office staff are not on site but at the bigger sister school 7km away, so there is no contingency to send a staff member like their would be in the UK where there are TAs and secretaries etc.

Ooops Ds2 just woke up (he was sleeping on the sofa, haven't managed to get him to nap in the cot in months), looked around in a panic and shouted "Jamwijes!" (sandwiches) - I make him Brotzeit each morning and put it in his Brotzeit box the same as DD and DS1 have to take with them, so he's munching away on a Philidelphia sandwich now - funny creatures toddlers, they can go from being fast asleep to wide awake munching a sandwich in about 12 seconds... wonder if he was dreaming he was eating and lost his imaginary Brotzeit when he woke up!

Better just post this and not keep adding to it! Hope everyone is having a good day today!

Apologies for writing their instead of there, the shame!

Just sat in the computer room while the boys do their homework - I dont want to hover right over them but could not leave them to it - is that the same with all of you?

english - aw your ds2 sounds so cute - I couldnt eat the second I wake up even if I had been dreaming about food - they are funny creatures toddlers!

Yes I did my Masters from when dd was 18 months until just after her 7th birthday (so obviously had another 2 babies in that time which is why it took so long). I went back to work well before they were all 1 because that was as much paid mat leave as I got, I had a fairly well paid job and we needed the money. But I only worked 3 days so not quite as impressive as it sounds. Looking back I have no idea how I did it all - well I did all my Masters stuff in the evening after the dc were in bed - but the rest of the stuff when until dd was 7, ds1 4 and ds2 2 is all a bit of a busy blur. Those friends that I talked about before were a huge help in keeping me sane as dh was working way too many hours (sometimes an 80 - 90 hour week) so he was no use at home. I really cant believe I'm born now by how easy life is...... but then maybe thats why I'm a bit bored with life. Never happy .

cheas - I'm still too British to be a fan of communal showers and a mixed sauna makes me want to cry at the thought. Maybe its my PIL's East Germanness that makes them so free and easy with the nakedness!

Ploom That's hugely impressive - I find/found each of those things (children, work, masters) enough on their own! Well, I could probably manage three days' work a week fairly easily if I didn't have DC or a masters to do on top but if I work the equivalent of three full days a week now, I find it incredibly stressful (I can't even imagine trying to fit in studying as well). I think you should just relax and enjoy the break now.

I'm getting better now at leaving the DC to do their homework on their own; DD2 usually disappears up to her room to do it anyway, and has just made a sign for her door saying "Bitte nicht stören! Mache HÜ". But I still can't stop myself checking it before they hand it in.

English I don't even like talking to people when I'm in my bikini; that's how prudish I am. One of my friends said how wrong it feels to kiss a man hello and goodbye when you're both virtually naked - unfortunately I'm not on kissing terms with enough men for this to have happened to me yet, but it feels awkward enough just talking to people.

I've never had a communal shower in my life and don't intend to start now. I'm still scarred by the memory of showers after PE at school (particularly the time when my towel vanished).

I did a masters whilst working full time, but I couldn't have combined it with kids nor with the teaching I did later which encroached into/ took over my evenings and weekends of course. Mine was also a part time taught masters, which I did over 2 years, and a taught one is fairly easy as the structure is given to you on a plate. I had an office job (I left work at 5.30pm to calls of "half day then?" as it was a late hours culture in the office, to catch the tube to lectures from 6-9pm twice a week). I had my evenings and weekends entirely free and uncluttered though, (except by my social life, which was flexible as I was single and generally went out in a group, so cancelling or joining at the last minute was never a big deal). Kids clutter up every waking moment and mean how much sleep you get is not under your control, so infinitely more intrusive and all encompassing than an office job!

I have never used the masters in my life btw - it was in business and then I career changed to teaching secondary school before the results even came out (which was possibly the single stupidest decision of my life). Luckily my employer paid for it and didn't ask me to repay the fees!

Ploom trial and error has revealed that the best way for DD to do her homework is alone in her room, but with me having broken down what she has into what I estimate to be roughly 15-20 minute tasks first - she has to go up and do each task alone, then bring it down and show me. It was her teacher's idea as homework was taking literally hours. Also she has a good long break between school and homework, which is less convenient than having a quick snack then getting it done as soon as she gets home, as she has less free afternoon, but again it is working better. she used to procrastinate by trying to get me talking including by trying to get me to help her with things she was easily capable of, day dream and tantrum when she did it in the kitchen with me hovering about or just in the room getting on with things, and we'd end up clashing, but equally when I just sent her upstairs with the blanket instruction to do her homework she would just sit up there for ages not getting it done either! She has not long turned 7 and is in 2nd class, I think she just needs a bit of help with organising herself to do it, but no actual help with the work and no temptation of anyone in the same room to talk to!

I can deal with the naked communal showers and going to the sauna... It doesn't bother me. I think as long as I don't see anyone I know there I'm ok. The only friend I have seen naked showering (that sounds really odd but please bear with me) is the friend I made through our Aqua Gymnastics class so I suppose the first time I would have seen her naked - had I been looking - she would have been a stranger... IYSWIM....
It's weird but kind of OK when everyone is naked... then you don't really notice anymore
DP likes to go to the sauna on his birthday - there is a really nice big sauna place where the Geburtstagskinder go free on their birthday (literally :o ) but sometimes you have to pay extra for the sauna section...

English I need that kind of strategy for my homework! I've decided to re-start learning French and I'm slacking a bit because the first few units are a bit too easy

I'm very much in awe of the things people squeeze in alongside work or kids or whatever. I'm an organisational wreck, I know where things are... but I'm not good at organising my time... she says while MNing better go finish some more homework...

ploom it was the same for me with homework until the dc got their own rooms. I had to hover and keep telling them to get on with it. If I left for a few minutes they'd start talking/fighting or just waste time. That was up to year 4 and 5 then we moved house and they would go in their rooms and show me when they were finished.

As linzer says, I'm hugely impressed by everything you managed to fit into a 24 hour day! So is there a secret to where you got the energy to do all those jobs with 3 dc?! I couldn't even bring myself to have a 3rd dc as I was so exhausted.

Made it back from town 5 minutes after my dc today as Westvan and I sort of didn't notice the time fly. Thank goodness the waitress came asking us to pay for our tea and coffee or we'd maybe still be there!

But it means you can sign your name Mag. Attic (even if it's not quite the same thing, no one's going to check) English and you will automatically gain more respect. Well, you would in Austria anyway. Did I ever mention the time that I went to the police station with a friend and she introduced me as Dr. Torte because she thought it sounded better? I was just and .

Obviously using my real surname, though. Dr. Torte doesn't sound particularly impressive.

admylin Glad you had a good meet-up with westvan. It reminds me of the time I met up with platanos and realised when I got home afterwards at about 2 pm that I'd had no lunch - just three cups of coffee.