Tell me about family life in Germany

[BertieBotts]

Schools, in particular, I am concerned about. I know that home education is illegal there, for example, but not much about the schools/school system itself.

Plus, how easy is it to learn German? I know nothing except some vaguely remembered stuff from 2 years learning it at secondary school.

Other things would be childcare, healthcare, cost of living, general attitudes towards children/family type stuff and anything else I may have forgotten.

This is all a bit hypothetical at the moment as DP has only applied for a job there, not got it yet, and even if he does me and DS might not end up going with him for a while (or at all) - if we do, then DS will be around 4 when we go. Provisional plan at the moment would possibly be to stay for a few years and by then hopefully DP is high up enough in the company to be able to request a transfer back to the UK. Of course this depends massively on circumstances. My feelings at the moment are that I'd love to spend a few years elsewhere but couldn't see myself living forever in another country.

In Bayern the amount you pay for KiGa is not income based at all Hope, but at our KiGa if you have 2 in KiGa at once the second pays 50% fees and if you have 3 at KiGa all at the same time the 3rd goes free! We live rurally and big families are a bit more common that they seem to be in more urban parts of Germany, and I do know of 2 families who managed to use the free 3rd child place for a year - quite an achievement as our Kindergarten only takes children from age 3-6!

I think - here at least - there only has to be a place provided for children who have turned 4 by September, and the place offered does not have to be in the nearest KiGa/ KiGa of choice. This is what I have been told applies to our area, though we are rural and the one time there wasn't a place for 3 year old twins in the local KiGa it made the local paper! But in Munich people seem to struggle to get places in their KiGa of choice and apparently are only guaranteed a place for 4 and 5 year olds.

Bertie I had the same discussion with my DH re our approach to a move to Germany. Almost identical, in fact. I said I was approaching it having in mind that if I/we were really not happy there for whatever reason, that we would come back to the UK (I did say that I thought we would have to give it 2 years before being able to make that decision) but this worried him, and he said we needed to approach it that we were going there permanently, because it would be such a big deal in terms of moving and changing jobs etc to come back. But I felt that from this perspective (ie not having moved there!) I needed the reassurance that if I did not like it, it did not have to be forever. I am actually pretty enthusiastic about living in a different country, and I would intend to make the best of living there and do as much as I could to become fluent in German and integrate ... I just needed that safety net, I suppose, for him to say 'If it doesn't work for you/us, we can come back' but he was worried that I would do as others have mentioned above, and live a sort of 'half life' with one eye on returning to the UK. But it seems a bit much for anyone to decide before they have lived somewhere that they are going to stay there permanently!

It's all academic at the moment for us though as he was unexpectedly promoted in the UK office so has decided not to go ahead with the Germany application for now, but there may be flexibility to go out there in the next year or 2. I'm actually quite disappointed that we're not going now, but I think we are still going to go out to see the place, see what we think, and then we will know for sure if we would like to make the move a bit later.

That sounds good :) We have talked about it a bit more. He says that at the moment, what he wants from this is to gain some experience in the job field that he really wants to work in (computer games development) which is unlikely to happen in the UK at present (although most of my friends' DH's seem to work in that field! ) and to take an opportunity which may not come up again for some time. He turned down a job in this field six years ago, and has always regretted it.

So we have decided he will still go out first, and see what it is like. It might turn out that it's a good job which he enjoys, but not necessarily perfect or what he wants to do "forever" (and what job is forever these days anyway?) and so he would be looking at it as experience, job wise and life wise! Or, he might decide that it's what he wants to do long term, he sees a real future for himself working there, and it's unlikely he'll want to come back. At that point, I'll have to make the hard decision as to whether to move myself and DS out there knowing that there's a high likelihood we will end up splitting up as our lives move in different directions, or to let it go completely. I'm not ready to move out straight away as there are things I need to tie up here, so there's no option to see how it goes as a family and then decide. Sounds a lot more practical than emotional, but I think it's better to work these things out now so that even if I do have a hard decision later, it's always been a possibility and I'll have thought through those parts without the emotional bit getting in the way.

I can see how that is a sensible approach in your situation. You may as well know if your DP wants to stay out there first. I suppose also you will be visiting out there, so you would get a chance to get a feel for it without being tied to a move. It's very hard to make a judgement from this side of the fence.

My DH would have loved to work in computer games development too! He works in a technical field closely related to software, but does like his gaming. Would you mind me asking which developer it is? It sort of sounds like we have got the opposite of what we wanted though - I would have quite liked to go but my DH has got the promotion he wanted here, whereas I think you would have been quite happy if yours had got the work he wanted here. I hope it works for you and you're able to find a way of making the living/working decisions without having to split. It's tough when you have children to consider, isn't it?

DP has had his interview now and waiting to hear - we should do on Wednesday. I am feeling more open to the idea of going out there and seeing how we go now, his company sound very flexible and they were encouraging about him going in any direction he wanted. I'll PM you with the name just in case!

I definitely want to go out there, it's just long term I worry about. I really don't want to be a hausfrau, either! Maybe for a short time, but I want to work - I work part time now and I love it.