Stuck in house alone every day with 5mo baby. Help.

[Miffster]

It's a bit of a nightmare to be honest. Came here so DH could work fewer hours and see baba, ( our 1st) but so far the hours are almost as bad - he's been working evenings, weekends and public holidays.

I have no friends here yet (arrived late March) and slim chance of making any as stuck here indoors - although have met a couple of women with babies at the communal pool, but they all have older kids too and are very busy. I only have 20-30 mins each day to try and 'socialise' at the pool though, since the pool is in full sun until 4.30pm, and later than 5.30pm DS gets vexed and needs to have bath/bedtime. I think I come across as exhausted and terribly anxious and stressed when I talk to new people as well. Because, well, I am. I am so tired I can't even think of small talk any more. I can't even think straight.

I have no car (yet). It is too hot/humid/sunny to take DS for walks after 8am and before 5.30pm. It is only going to get hotter.
I have a pram with a sunshield thing but it is so hot and stuffy underneath and he just cries if I take him out in it, plus I run with sweat after 5 mins and there are few if any pavements here.

All the advice on 'what to do with a 3/4/5/6 mo baby all day seems to be: get out, go for walks, attend M&B groups, go to cafes, etc etc. None of which I can do here, at least, not yet. I feel so trapped.

He is a bad sleeper and at the moment it's especially bad, 3 nights ago he got trapped in his hammock so since then has been cosleeping with me on mattress on floor. He is BF and kicks/bats/clambers on me all night for food. I have had almost no sleep this week which added to my sense of boredom and isolation and misery is making me feel dreadful.

He is a lovely little baby but I am so tired and it is just me and him, on our own, for 12-14 hours a day, not including the 20-30 mins in the pool, where sometimes I see other people, often not.

I can feel myself becoming more and more anxious and sad, and the thought of trying to make friends and keep going and putting on a happy face is very challenging. DH is stressed with the workload and can't really cope very well with me being so exhausted and tearful when he gets home.

I miss my life in the UK, the first 3 months with baby were very hard as he had reflux, but I had managed to make a small group of mum friends and there were parks, the cinema baby & parent film showings, streets to walk in, coffee shops, baby massage...plus my friends and family.

I think this place where we are is great for small children who can swim and run about in the fresh air and play but crap for small babies, who can't go out in the sun.

I just needed to rant. And I could do with some ideas.
I can't lie down and have a sleep while he sleeps either; until DH manages to get away from work to buy a cot DS is back in the hammock for naps, swaddled and requiring constant vigilance in case he rolls again.

Has anyone else been there done that and got some advice?

Dittany, quite! I would be issuing ultimatums - do something about it, or DS and I are heading home.

Or even contact the organiser of the playgroup to ask if there are any other parents of young babies near you, and perhaps she could pass on your details, so you could meet up?

It does take some being pro-active ( I know, I've been there, and now I have a "coffee mate")

Of course people will befriend you, most people are sympathetic!

And yes, you need to talk to your dh, and then sort transportation out asap.

I sympathise - I'm not on a Caribbean Island, but I'm not far away (Central America) - also without a car, also stuck in a flat, also advised that wandering around alone isn't a good plan, and it's hot (although not quite as bad as yours sounds) and sunny so I have to be very careful keeping the little guy covered up.

Taxis are not appropriate (I'd either have to persuade them to let me put his car-seat in their not very well maintained taxi, or carry him on my lap in a country that I've seen more car accidents in 2 months than in the rest of my life)

I'm spending my days looking after the kid or on the internet. Cooking (what I can - getting used to American brands/local veggies), knitting.

I don't know what to say to make it better - I certainly have days when I feel like I'm going loopy and give my other half a hard time about it - but pre-baby I worked in the same industry as him, so I know it's not always 9-5. It's no help, but you need a hobby to keep you sane, and to realise this won't be forever - how long is your husband planning to stay out there? We seem to move around about every year to 18 months, so I know that even if I'm not enjoying somewhere, I'll be somewhere else soon.

That is a good idea about the playgroup/lift thing, will do that.
I did try the taxis but they are kind of minibus things and you can't attach the baby car seat! Then when I get out the other end I have to drag a heavy car seat about which isn't ideal.

A drawer! I have a cardboard box. I will try him on a blanket or towel in that maybe? he is very mobile for his age though, rolls everywhere, is almost crawling, even in a sleeping bag.

Temperature now is 90+ degrees with high humidity.

Thank you very much for the ideas and support.

I've done the expat thing and I know how isolating it can be so my sympathies.

I think you really need to get yourself a car somehow/anyhow. Your DH has to sort it for you. What about car hire? Could you hire a car for a couple of days a week until you get a car?

I ended up driving my DH to work and picking him up until we could get a car sorted for me.

Could you line a drawer with bedding for your baby until you get a cot?

You sound utterly exhausted.

It IS hard being an expat. You do need to step outside your comfort zone. I would be approaching a likely looking person at the pool and saying hi, wow you have 3 kids, how do you manage in this heat? I am really struggling to get used to it with just the one! You don't have to sound desperate or anything. Ask them for tips, ask them what they do to socialise.

Where are you, maybe there are other munnetters about?

What about this car, was it in the plans that you get one? Does your DH have a car? Maybe you could drive him to work and pick him up leaving you with the car all day?

Thank you for all the advice and suggestions.
I will try harder with people at the pool. I have started writing down a list of things I could say to people as am so tired that I often can't think what to say when I am out there face to face with a real live person who is not a baby. I did ask if there were other MNetters but got no response so guessing not.

I did drive DH to work for a bit but we worked out that it was sending baby even more mad as drive to work coincided with him needing to nap, and no early nap = bonkers baby rest of day. DH has just said ( by text) will get me a car next pay packet come what may, and that he has got the cot. The cot situation has made him realise how much I need a car, I think, because he had to leave work to go and get one.

It'll get better eventually I guess. I am just so pissed of because although I thought it'd be hard, I didn't expect DH to be doing the same hours as he was in UK, which utterly negates the point of being here. DH is pissed off too. But we have to stick it out for at least 2 years.

Hang on - 90 degrees F is low 30s? That's not too hot to go to the pool with a baby is it?

If your baby is five months they should be sitting up soon, that will make it easier for them to keep cool and shaded.

allhail - low thirties, high humidity is a nightmare to be out in - even once you've been there a few months and are more acclimatised..

I find the high-humidity the worst - sweating and breeze doesn't help at all, you're just hot and damp continuously if you're outside.

Its 48 degrees here and the one place you see babies is in the pool (with rash vest/sunsuit and whacking great sunshade umbrellas

Can you take him out for walks early in the morning? (Or later, as someone else suggested and change his routine a bit.) DD spent two months in 30+ temps when she was tiny and I agree it's a pain, but not getting out was worse for her (she wanted to see other things but me by then).

I've been an expat 'wife' too - I agree it could be hell.

I would happily send you a UV suit for ds! Hot and high humidity - you NEED the pool.

I hear you Miffster! We moved to Central America when my DD was 5 months old and I was stuck in a bloody hotel room for 5 weeks before our house was sorted - I had the most dreadful time. But then, once we'd bought a car for me and we were in the house things started getting better.

I agree with others who say about going out in the sun to the pool. I used sun screen on DD from when we arrived - didn't realise that it wasn't recommended. She wears a long 'wet suit' and a hat and we spent lots of time in the pool, just for something to do. I always used a parasol and put her in the shade at the pool.

I am sure that the other people at the pool all felt like you when they first arrived (if they are expats that is). I know it's hard but sometimes you just have to ask people over for the time and then hopefully you will meet someone you get on with.

ChunkyPickle- we might be neighbours! I'm in Panama.

Car car car! It's the one thing which will give you unprecedented freedom and ability to get to air-conditioned places of sanity like the playgroup and shopping centres with coffee shops etc. Ask, nay tell your DH you must get one asap.

Sorry that sounded a bit short I do sympathise, I'm 9 months into expat living and the first few months are hard.

You do need to be proactive,and get out and about otherwise you'll go stark staring mad.

Your DH needs to support you as well, the cot situation is inexcusable. Does he have a company credit card? I haven't sorted out a local bank account yet (the paperwork is exhausting) but I do have a joint credit card through dh's card (which annoyingly texts him every time I use it!

Going - we are neighbours nearly - I'm in Costa Rica :)

Apart from the adaptations, it's really a good life for the little ones - mine toddles around the flat all but naked most of the time, eats so much fresh fruit I'm surprised he doesn't burst (and who knew how many different types of bananas there are when you live where they're grown), spends his time being adored by people in shops (blonde hair, huge blue eyes), and floating in the pool chilling - what more could he want!

Ah thank you for the UV suit offer Portofino. My sister has posted one from UK Mothercare. The singing and dancing ideas are good, I do that and play with kitchen utensils and do lots of activity games etc when he is awake, I know life with a small baby can be a bit repetititve and was ready fro it, it's just the staying in all day is so bad for both of us.

The pool is shallow, not cooled, unfortunately, so it is like a bath, and has no shade, apaprt from a few umbrellas - which is why none of the mums use it with small babies until after 4.30pm. I do take DS for a walk at dawn, with a mozzie net over the pram.

Once I have a car I can do the playgroup, plus drive into town and lurk about in malls and coffee shops or even beach cafes I think, and once he is sleeping in a cot I can go outside myself and get a tan and read or sleep myself. It will get better, I know. He will be 6 mo in June and I guess I can be more bold then. A concern about sunscreen (besides what the doctor said about not putting it on small babies and not having them in the sun at all) is that he will just lick it off his hands and feet and wipe it off his face. He sucks his hands and feet all the time.

How do you kee sunscream on a baba who licks it off? Any tips?

(I am going to take him out earlier today and swim him in a sleepsuit and hat after this thread, with factor 50 on his face and hands) :)

Miffster - mine's got quite a taste for moisturiser and wetwipes, and so also sun block - as you're trying to rub it onto his face he's sticking his tongue out and trying to lick it!

I stick with putting it on the exposed bits (ears, feet), then he lives in rash vest/long shorts/hat/trying to keep to the shade when out and about - he gets a sweaty head, but it's not too bad (mine's 9 months now). I figure that since his hands spend all their time in his mouth there's very little point putting block on them anyway.

Despite the fairest of fair skin (his dad is a picture at the beach - covered from head to toe, and I'm not much better) we've managed to keep him safe these past 2 months

Miffster - if it helps I once lived on a small Caribbean Island and looked after children (wander if it is the same one?)
I understand the "holiday image" of the place and the sheer bloody every day hard work of trying to get about in the heat.

Will get back to you - baby woke up.

Once he gets to 6mo and starts weaning, then you may find you have less time on your hands. I did a mixture of finger foods and spoon feeding and found that meal times took so much longer! Plus the mess to clean up afterwards! And any time I was at a loss about what to do I would sit ds in his high chair and give him some food to play with.

Just to say, I'm really sympathetic.
Would really push for a car to get about in. and you need some sort of access to your own money.
If it's the type of island I think it might be, you might find that getting a couple of hours of domestic help each week might really help you out a bit. i.e someone to do your ironing whilst you pop round to a neighbours?
From my experience, lots of those ex-pat communities revolve around community/sporting/church/charity groups. If you hear about ANYTHING locally, just try and get along to it. I know you won't want to traipse around in the hot sun with a buggy, but you might find things happening early evening or late afternoon.
Chat to anyone - there will probably be loads of nationalities over there. Ask people to visit you (be all British and offer them tea and cake or something) and even if the baby is unsettled, you'll be suprised how much better you feel if you can start making contact with people.
HTH. Good luck.