Having a shit day, so homesick

[Titsandteeth]

Brace yourselves, I'm gonna whinge.

Having a shite few days. I am really struggling with the sheer energy needed to look after two small children mostly on my own. DH is good but works really long hours. My in-laws who live here (oz) are lovely but don't help IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER and it makes me so sad.

My family are all back in the UK and I miss them so much.

I hardly ever get a break from the children. There is NEVER anywhere to go that doesn't cost money. I am sick of staying in the same house day in day out. I feel very stuck actually. I gave up my career to come out here and incredibly IRRITATINGLY my qualifications aren't valid here so all I can do are crummy admin jobs or re-train (which we can't afford).

Sorry. I know I'm miserable and it will pass but I just miss having some help now and again.

Could you speak to your DH and see if he could get his parents to try help you out a little bit, a couple of hours a week to go for a swim or something?

If they're lovely like you say, I'm sure they will understand that you need a bit of help right now. There is no shame in being a bit overwhelmed and looking to your family to chip in

Hi, been feeling very much like that lately, although I do get respite with a cleaner, so that takes the edge off.

Also feeling quite lonely and very sad that the children have absolutely no one but me to turn to.

Sounds like you are struggling more with being away from family and looking after kids than being O/S TandT.

How old are your kids?

Hope today improves. Is there a park or a beach near you?

WhamBam, thanks, dh's family (love them as I do) are quite wierd. They're just so different from mine. I've asked my mil if she'll have my youngest for an hour so I can take the older one for some one-on-one time and she was lovely and said "Yes of course" but when I tried to pin her down for an actual time she wriggles out of it. So I don't really feel like asking them any more or asking my dh to as they're so obviously reluctant to help out.

Slim, that's it exactly. It's so lonely. I have no one to show how lovely my daughters are. My parents adore them but they're 1000s of miles away. Makes me want to cry as my kids are delightful (ok I may be a leetle biased }.

Thelittlestkiwi my dds are 3 and 5.

Have just had a lovely walk to the village and back in the sunshine. It is really beautiful here and I am mostly happy.

I think I just need to get this off my chest and then I'll buck up.

Sorry, forgot to put in that I'm in a similar situation. Just moved to US, DH either working or over at the house we bought trying to fix it up himself because it's going way over budget. Haven't seen him in weeks! However my eldest is in school and the youngest in preschool so I can't complain too much. Weekends are looooong tho. Miss my family a lot too. This helps come Saturday night

Aww feel ur pain.Have no one here much for dcs 7 nand 5 9dd disabled) there nwhen they can but not often.

If bhelps here is

Cold
Wet
Grey in the day
Massive petrol costs
David Cameron
Too much football
small houses that are vastly overpriced
eternal whinging poms,of which the above exemplifies I am a prime example lol:o

T&T - where are you in Oz?

How long have you been out here? It's hard going some days, I find, and I've been here a year and a half now.

Have you managed to find any playgroups - the two I go to have been life-savers, and I might just be lucky but they seem to be a lot less cliquey than some UK ones (according to the current thread on them, anyway!)

Tits (oo eer!) I really think you should get your DH to have a word. I would be quite pushy about that simply because you are on the other side of the world with no support. They should be your support! Get them to man up

Is there a cheap socialising alternative, toddler group, swimming class etc? Do you have a health visitor/public health nurse whose brains you can pick? Or an Australian version of mumsnet you could trawl for ideas? Am I stating the obvious???

oh yes, you could try Bubhub (!) or PomsinOz (general, not just for parents) - there are quite a few Aussie-based MNers though so if you let us know roughly where you are, one of us might be quite local to you.

Where are you T&T?

Thanks guys. Thumb I've been here nearly 5 years! I used to post under the name claudiaschiffer (delusions of gorgeousness) but for some reason can't post as that any more. Anyway I digress.

I'm lucky as I have got some lovely friends here and do feel settled it's just that I would almost give my right arm to be sitting in my mums kitchen right now having a cuppa and a hug.

I guess I'm just missing family and I just have to suck it up. Dh is hopeless to talk to about all of this as it freaks him out.

Aha Claudia I remember you! still can't remember where you are though...

yes, I know how you feel - I'm desperate for someone to invent a teleporter so when I feel like that I can beam back to England for a day, sort stuff out, get the necessary and beam back again! Wouldn't that be great?!

I know what you mean about not being able to talk to the other half about it though - mine almost takes it as a personal slight that I'm not deliriously happy here, and that I actually want to go back to England to see family and people.

T and T - two wee ones is pretty hard work. I have one DD who is 21 months and I'm run ragged most days. She goes to nursery two days a week which is a life saver - lets me get on with stuff like unpacking from house moves and get my hair cut. Originally I was planning to work these days but the work has only just started coming my way. I really enjoy the mind space to myself. I want to ask your profession but that may be TMI for you to want to put up on MN.

I think I'm slightly unusual in that I haven't lived near my parents for a long time. And am fairly sure neither they nor my IL's would be terribly helpful if we were near them. It must be frustrating to know you would have help if you were back in the UK.

It's odd isn't it. DH is like yours Thumb, if I ever express any sadness, homesickness, loneliness etc he gets all jittery and gives me a long list to SHOW ME ME ENGLAND IS CRAP and then expect me to say "oh ok, right, gloomy weather, I remember" and suddenly not miss my mum and dad any more.

thelittlestkiwi - I was a teacher, once upon a time. I loved it actually. Although I never taught when I had kids, so maybe it would drive me crackers now.

It's odd isn't it. DH is like yours Thumb, if I ever express any sadness, homesickness, loneliness etc he gets all jittery and gives me a long list to SHOW ME ENGLAND IS CRAP and then expect me to say "oh ok, right, gloomy weather, I remember" and suddenly not miss my mum and dad, brothers, nephews, friends, uncles, aunts, cousins etc any more.

thelittlestkiwi - I was a teacher, once upon a time. I loved it actually. Although I never taught when I had kids, so maybe it would drive me crackers now.

ooo would you look at that, 2 posts, one slightly edited

Oh I remember you as Claudia - you used to post loads!

I know a lot of primary teachers here who have done a brief conversion course and are now able to pick up casual work, is that an option? Your in-laws might be more prepared to help if it was to let you work and "help the family".

Any chance of you going home for a visit by yourself for a few weeks? I've done this twice since we've been here as we just can't afford for all five of us to go. Bet your MIL would be there in a shot if you left her darling boy alone to look after the kids .

What about something linked to teaching? I have a pal who did teaching them went to work for Connextions with teenagers. Another who works as a learning support worker. Or do private schools require the same qualifications?

I've always thought working with a kid would be hard but now I think staying at home with a kid is hard as well.

I feel your pain, Tits. We are considering a move back to Oz and DH takes any reluctance on my part to be criticism of his homeland and gets wounded. My inlaws sound alarmingly like yours. I don't want them to look after my kids, tbh, because they are not my parents who would do a much better job. Seeing inlaws with my kids makes me miss my parents even more, and this is one of my worries about the move. SO I'd say if the inlaws are unreliable and it's making you crazy find a way to get alone time without them - can you do even a morning a week in nursery or similaR?

Have you thought about applying for a job in a private school? They will be much more likely to accept your UK qualifications. But I am clearly a bit ignorant about this because I thought teachers were highly prized migrants to Australia?

My Scottish friend here in Oz who was a teacher has started to do some evening tutoring - an option for you? They seem really big on tutoring here actually (is it cos the schooling is crap ).

DP & I have had no help with our DS out here for 3yrs since he was born. I go to an organised activity with him everyday like library story time or kindygym, so there is some semblence of a structure to the day & week. & we have just started him at a family day care one day a week. You can get quite a bit of the fee back under the child care benefit & rebate scheme here. It is essential to have some time off from the kids - altho all I do is go on here when I should be doing something more constructive!

Sunnydelight, helloooooooo, I need to look into the teaching thing again. I last got all cross about it 3 + years ago before dd2 was born so maybe DECS have changed their rules now.

Thelittlestkiwi, I'll google connextions thanks, I used to work with teenages too so have good experience in that area. AFAIK private schools also have the same critera. Have looked into SSO work, just need to get my CV off. God I feel now as I'm realising that actually I'm pretty lazy and have written my CV and just need to chuck it out at various schools. Lazy me.

Roary, Oz is wonderful, I'm sure you'd have a great time here. It is hard though with little family support and I count myself lucky to have my pils here. They are lovely really, just a bit frustrating sometimes. And just as you say roary, it makes me mis my folks more.

Also how horrifying is the cost of short term accommodation here?! I looked at the possibility of booking my folks into a house here over 2011/12 summer for 6 weeks - would cost $14,000+. Am horrified.

WOW, T&T - that's a huge sum!!

I'm not sure that private education is any different to public now - I have a friend here whose husband used to work in the private sector without Aussie qualifications, but then they changed the rules and he felt he was too old to go and get the certificate he required so retired. That would have been in about 2004, I think? Maybe a little before, it's a while ago since I spoke to the friend about it so can't remember if he'd already retired when she told me, or was about to.

I admit, one of the bonuses we have here is the MIL babysitting for DS. My mum died while I was pg, so never even met DS, and my Dad certainly wasn't fit to look after a young baby. He would be all right now DS is 3, but when we left England, he had never had DS on his own. There is no FIL here either, he passed away when DH was 18, so MIL is very flexible on childcare arrangements, especially since she retired at the end of last year! She is actually the opposite of several of yours - she can't do enough to help, sometimes to the point of suffocation . But she backs off when it becomes apparent that she may be pushing it a little - she really wants us all to get on and does her level best to facilitate that (I'm the grumpy caah in the situation!)

Hi T&T

Totally understand the homesickness and feeling so far away from your family. I miss my mum very much.

You say you have been lazy re CV, don't be too hard on yourself as you do have two small children!

I am on my own most of the day with DS, 3.5 and DD 19 months. It is hard, and I get very lacklustre about the whole thing. I got quite down a month or so back.

Do your kids go to school/preschool?

Do you like doing any crafts? I am dabbling with quilting which is a big hobby here in NZ and in Oz I believe. They have lots of craft groups, there are knitters and quilters and all sorts.

But hopefully you can sort out your teaching. Its great to get something to focus on.

scrapbooking is really big here, I found - I didn't even realise it was a hobby until I got here! defo not my kind of thing though, from what I've seen so far it involves sticking twee and kitschy little stickers all over photo albums - blech!