Having a shit day, so homesick

[Titsandteeth]

Brace yourselves, I'm gonna whinge.

Having a shite few days. I am really struggling with the sheer energy needed to look after two small children mostly on my own. DH is good but works really long hours. My in-laws who live here (oz) are lovely but don't help IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER and it makes me so sad.

My family are all back in the UK and I miss them so much.

I hardly ever get a break from the children. There is NEVER anywhere to go that doesn't cost money. I am sick of staying in the same house day in day out. I feel very stuck actually. I gave up my career to come out here and incredibly IRRITATINGLY my qualifications aren't valid here so all I can do are crummy admin jobs or re-train (which we can't afford).

Sorry. I know I'm miserable and it will pass but I just miss having some help now and again.

thumbwitch
I so wish sometimes that I could be content with doing something like scrapbooking but I soon find myself looking at myself in the mirror with a and thinking scrapbooking? really?

Rilly, not at all making fun of you or anyone into this sort of thing, wish I could just RELAX for 5 minutes and be a surrendered wife, but not in me.

am a surrendered mother mother though, they walk all over me!

My SIL scrapbooks! I think it is really strange too.

Tits I am sure you have thought this through every which way so this is probably not helpful, but wouldn't it be worth the financial outlay in the long run to requalify? Then you'd be earning and as someone mentioned childcare rebates in oz are very good. And with the ages of your kids you wouldn't need it for too long anyway. If you loved teaching it might be worth it. I find it difficult to be home with the kids now (am on mat leave) and would find it sooooo hard in a strange place.

Also, depending on where your parents live a house swap might be an option - lots of AUssies might be looking for a place in the UK in northern summer. There's a website somewhere.

Just because I quilt, I wouldn't think of myself as a surrendered wife. And, I have never been attracted to scrapbooking which is too cheesy and pointless to me. With quilting I had a silly idea of creating a family heirloom for my children/grandchildren etc. I started it way before stopping work and having children. And it does help me relax - but whatever floats your boat.

And I think DH would laugh if I suggested I might be a surrendered wife. We argue constantly about the cleaning and my parenting skills. Apparently if I carry on parenting the way I am going DS and DD will be telling me to fuck off when they are ten.
DH has categorically stated that he will never stop going on about the cleaning. He can sit around after dinner on the sofa watching TV, but if I do the same without doing the last little bit of washing up then he starts his crusade to get me to do the cleaning and enjoy it.
Also, I am overweight, so he will ask me what I have eaten today, and then will go on about how I eat too much and I am heading towards an early death, which isn't fair on the children.

Sorry about the rant - I am feeling a little put upon at the moment. And feeling very far from home (about 12,000 miles).

It sounds like looking into going back to teaching might be the way forward for you.

Are you being funny about your DH or is he really putting you down like that?

Oh my God, Rilly - that's shocking!
If he's so fussed about the cleaning, does he actually help at all? "Luckily" for me, DH would live in a sty happily, certainly if the cleaning was left to him - he doesn't "see" it, apparently (that cast iron male excuse). However, we take turns to do cooking AND washing up/kitchen fatigues because I cannot and will not put up with clearing up after him when he cooks as well! He is the world's worst - leaves spoons on the work surface covered in meat fat, jam, gravy powder or whatever else; doesn't soak anything, even scrambled egg pans - I can't bear it! So. Turns for both. Sometimes it means that we end up cooking and washing up on the same day - but hey, that's life.

I do all the laundry - I won't let DH near it because he has no clue about sorting or washloads and he would only bung all his clothes in one mixed wash and ignore everyone elses - so he's banned. There's only so much "re-parenting" I'm prepared to do (I KNOW I shouldn't have to do ANY but them's the breaks, when his mother freely admits she gave up on both sons when they hit their teens, expecting their girlfriends to take over where she left off - yeah, thanks MIL!)

And what's with the food police thing? Is he perfect himself? Ditto the parenting thing? Sounds like he really has it in for you on several levels :(.

Aw Rilly, sounds v stressful such a long way from home Quilting something for your kids is a lovely thing to do, and unlike scrapbooking it's a very respected craft art.

Agree with thumbwitch If your DH was mine he'd have to dig the unwashed pots out of his head. Fucking nerve of him

Sorry, I didn't mean to take over from the OP - I was feeling a bit shit myself last night when I posted.

My DH has said all those things, but he does say sorry as well (he said sorry about the washing up at 5 am, would have been better at 8 am ). He has a bee in his bonnet about cleaning, because I was a complete slacker when we first moved in together (11 years ago). He tells it how it is - or at least how he sees it. He can be quite hard work sometimes, but then so can I.

It is so hard living far away from family, especially if you are close to them emotionally. It must be even harder if you are from one country and your OH is from another as you really do have to make the decision where to live. DH and I are both English so it was not an obligatory choice to move to NZ.

OP would your husband be able to take the children for a morning at the weekends? Quite often DH has taken the children out for the morning so I can pootle about on my own. So he's really not that bad!

Hi girls

I would love to have a hobby. I used to paint (quite badly) but found it really enjoyable. I would love to have the patience and skill to sew but am crap on both fronts. Rilly your quilt sounds lovely. I think it's a wonderful idea to create an heirloom for your children.

Roary, the house swap idea is a fantastic one. It would be perfect for my folks and I looked into it a couple of years ago but my parents' house is rather stuffed full of breakable objects and my dad was paranoid that whoever swapped with them would run off with the family silver.

I'll try and persuade them though, anything is better than $14k in rent.

Rilly your post about your dh is pretty sad, mind you some of it sounds very familiar as this morning dh and I had a HUGE row about how to deal with a whingey daughter. We have quite, um, opposing parenting styles. Which are both fine in their place but I'm more of a hugger and he's more old school authoritarian. Makes me wish he'd just sod off to work sometimes.

Rilly is your dh like that all the time? I must admit I do all most of the domestic duties here but then I'm currently at home full time. Mind you if dh had the temerity to criticise my housekeeping or eating he would get a glacial blast of icy fury.

Rilly, how long have you been in NZ? Are you happy there?

On the +ve front I've been in touch with DECS apparently they are calling today to let me know which uni here does a conversion course so I can teach here. I'll look into costs and childcare options etc. My youngest dd goes to kindy in a few months time so that should start to free me up a bit, which is both splendid and rather sad. Idontreallywanthertogrowup emoticon.

Ooo, sorry cross posted rilly.

DH could have the kids at the weekend but always seem to have to do a bike ride or mow the lawns or some other family unfriendly activity. TBH I need to stop being a wet lettuce and put my foot down a bit.

I've been searching through the houseswap sites. I now want to swap our house with someone else. 3 bedrooms, village fringe location, great views! Anyone fancy it?

Not to gloss over your problems, but couldn't you call yourself clawedyershiffer?

Rilly, this is not AIBU, but your D?H is not being vair nice.

Tits why are your quals not OK in Oz? Did you do GTP?

love clawedyershiffer as a name! excellent! Or if you wanted a change of Supermodel, you could go for ElMacFearson instead?

Yarp, GTP. Useless over here. Grrrrrrrrrr

I hope you are feeling less down in the dumps Titsandteeth.
Sorry I have taken so long to answer your questions.
We have been in NZ for nine months. We moved to Christchurch and have now experienced two earthquakes. We have been really really lucky both times, especially this time. We are really considering going back to the UK now, but every time I think about it I get confused.
OH is how I described a reasonable amount, I did condense it down so it sounds like a lot! After big events, such as an earthquake, he gets all grumpy about the cleaning. I think it is his way of coping.

Have you sorted out something out re teaching? And have you had some time to yourself?

Aw, Tits, I'll swap!

Um, that's not actually a help, is it?

And there I was, all envious of you and your mum friends and car and social group, in contrast to my sad sack life where I scramble to find human company on the days I'm home with my daughter.

Come over next week and admire my new playroom. I set it up so one can see the girls from one's position at the table having a glass of wine cup of tea.

Rilly, gosh, I'm glad you're alright, the earthquakes and devastation are breathtakingly horrendous, aren't they? I'm over there in April, and had to rearrange all my accommodation and whatnot because my friends in emergency services tell me it's going to take a long, long time to recover.

I would find it extremely hard to live with a man who treated me the way you describe, incidentally. There doesn't sound like a lot of respect for what you do there.

(Oh, and Rilly, I'm a nascent quilter, and about as far from surrended wife as one can get!)

I am struggling to fill in the 18 page teaching form at the moment. There just seems to be so much to it. I am awaiting a transcript of my course and references from my teaching practices. I graduated in 1997.

I haven't taught since I had my dd who is four now. So the idea of doing it now and doing it in another country is quite scary. I am hoping that I will be able to get some casual work though. As far as I have found out, there is not much chance at all of getting a proper teaching post. Not that I could anyway as we have no family here at all.