How long did it take you to find a close friend when you moved abroad?

[awrightchuck]

This is not something I have managed to do - someone who you can just relax with, talk to, phone up for a chat - see without children!

Toddler groups are not conducive to conversation and "playdates" (hate that word) are not satisfactory either. It is all about clicking with someone and I have not. Yes I know people, talk at nursery gates, see people for tea/play 2 or 3 times a week but no close friends.

Is it something you managed to do with babies/toddlers or only when your children were a bit older?

Where are you lovey?

We are in SA and though a lot people speak English I have realised the shared experience of the NHS or Coronation Street helps. We have friends from all over but there is something about a shared history helps.

It takes while to find some one you can call for no reason and share a glass of wine with takes time. Just embrace every invite and instigate a few. To me its a bit like starting University. You hang with people for the first few months then find your true friends. It will come nd they will be your most enduring friend ships. Good luck and stay in touch

I had been in the UK for 3 yrs before I started to become friends with someone I now consider a very very dear friend.

I love living overseas but this is the hardest part I think. Since having the kids I have met so many great people, but Singapore is very transient so I make great friends and then they leave and then you have to start again.

Been here 6 years. Still don't have one.

I think it's me.

Echt, does that bother you? Is it important to you?

or are you someone who doesn't need/do/want a close friend? What I mean by that is do you get enough from the friends you already have in the UK? ( or wherever )

Its hard. And by the time you get close enough the clock starts ticking before the next move.

I now tend to cut the crap and can't be asked to do the whole courting period. So in a way its ok because I attracts like minded people but on the other hand I realize I do miss out on many people who might very well be worth the wait.

echt your post resonates with me. Aren't you lonely?

It took me about 3 years and quite a bit of effort before I met people I "clicked" with. I found it easier when dd was older as I missed all the baby groups due to work, but she then started doing parties and playdates with friends, joined Rainbows, other activities which got me out of the house and gave me the chance to mix with different groups of people. And I mustn't forget all the lovely MNetters I have met over the last couple of years too! I still consider my "best" friends to be the ones I had had for years and years in the UK though. Luckily I do get to see them fairly often.

I live in France, but was brought up in the UK.
I talk to DP about a lot of things, am lucky because he works from home, so being a SAHM, he is always around to chat to. Flipside is we can get on each other's nerves from time to time, so i just pop over to see the neighbours.

If i am desperate for a bearing your soul chat, i can call my bf's in the UK or oz. My other 2 friends live in holland and the US, so due to us all having babies and time differences, it tends to be email contact.

I do love facebook though, for looking at each other's photos, especially as the DC's grow so fast.

However, i do miss just hanging out at a friend's house. - my definition of a close friend; you can do that with friends of 25 years, and even my "new" friends of 10 years back in the uk. i do visit people here, but don't like to impose or be too "needy"; hence my mumsnet addiction

just trying to let friendships develop naturally rather than forcing them...

It seems quite hard so far, easy to make acquaintances but good friends? The expat scene can be a little superficial & transient, the local people are v friendly but most seem to have mates dating back from childhood and also to be a little wary of expats somehow, anyone else find this? don't know how to get beyond it or what to expect as no idea how long we're here for.

we were lucky as quite a few families all arrived round the same time and we all got on. So really just a few months till we were doing all the things i did with good friends back home - know it's not always that easy though.

2 years so far and none yet. :( I have recently exchanged numbers with someone on my language course. She's just had her first baby so I'm hoping something might come of this.

Over my lifetime I've only had a handful of close friends. Ones who I trust implicitly and can really be myself. ATM I've only one but she's in a different country and I do wonder if we will drift apart over time. I hope not.

The loneliness does get to me sometimes. Just to have some other female company to just talk nonsense with and go shopping with would be nice.

All I can say is Thank crunchie for the internet and skype. I can't imagine what it was like to emigrate 50 years ago. Or 15 years ago.

I had what I thought were close friends and then I had dd1 - I no longer worked and moved in the same circles so we sort of grew apart this was sad and tough ...I was very lonely for the 2 yrs before dd joined nursery. Then I made ok mum friends and we have stayed 'mum' friends to pre school. We go for a coffee and chat ...and not about children. However when the children move onto primary I wonder what will happen as it is likely we will go to different ones. Its hard but better than nothing.