Please or to access all these features

Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Bad news today

336 replies

badnews943 · 10/07/2025 21:09

Had a nightmare today. Received news that I have type 3 breast cancer which may be in my lungs. I'm having a lung biopsy next week but the Dr seemed pretty certain.

I'm not sure what to think. Any advice or support?

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/07/2025 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hottoday22 · 10/07/2025 22:15

Sorry to hear this OP - you must be reeling so sending you lots of love and I want you to know that the waiting is the hardest part!
once you have the results - good or bad, you can put a plan of attack in place and at least you’ll have some answers.
I have advanced breast cancer, which means it has spread to other parts of my body. It’s a bit shit, but once you realise the world isn’t ending today (and that took me a while!) then you can try and enjoy life. But that does take a bit of time.

do you want to share your treatment / test plan, appointments etc? Happy to answer any questions. I feel quite the pro.

there’s a few good Facebook groups if it turns out it has spread: stage 4 deserves more, there will be a triple negative breast cancer page, and a page called ‘always hope’ if you want to look at alternatives or supplements of chemo etc x

hottoday22 · 10/07/2025 22:16

Maggies centres are amazing if you have one near you.

mintydoggyv · 10/07/2025 22:20

badnews943 · 10/07/2025 21:30

Thanks, let's hope so.

Just a thought my sister has this 3 years ago , she has been cancer free for 18 months ,it was it the one lung as well , get the biopsy done and get the treatment started all the best our prayers are with you.

hellohellooo · 10/07/2025 22:25

OP you will be in my thoughts

I am sorry you got this news today

🌷 🌷

PrincessFluffyPants · 10/07/2025 22:27

I’ve been recently diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer and I’m on a palliative care treatment plan. I didn’t realise how scared I was until I took the first tablets of ribociclib and letrozole and knew that I was finally helping myself. It was a huge relief. The waiting for yet another biopsy, or scan, or consultation, then another scan just seemed to go on forever and I just desperately wanted to start treatment, ANY treatment. With hindsight I now understand the experts needed to understand what they were tackling to give me the best care but at the time I was in a lot of pain and panicking.

I am currently making use of the MacMillan buddy scheme, where one of their volunteers phone you once a week for a handhold, advice/tips and a chat. It’s nice to have a voice on the phone who isn’t judging you and mine lets me use “rough language” as she puts it! I think she’s amazing, she’s lived through cancer and has come at the other side to help others.

I’ve kept away from forums regarding life limiting illnesses as I find them too depressing, I’m not there yet although my body tells me I’m poorly I don’t feel I am in my head, if that makes sense.

Lots of big feelings, pain, confusion and frustration but at the same time relief that someone will take care of you. Allow yourself to feel them and best of luck with your treatment plan.

shellyleppard · 10/07/2025 22:28

@badnews943 no words but sending hugs x

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 10/07/2025 22:31

I'm so sorry @badnews943 xx

Waiting to find out more is always so hard and can seem like forever.

Do you feel able to contact your family at all for some support?

I've attached a link to Pink Lotus started by a breast cancer surgeon in the US. She's got some good advice on things that you can do for yourself, which can help people feel a bit more in control in case it's of any interest.

https://pinklotus.com/powerup/drkristifunk/

Sending 💕 and hugs your way xxxx

Dr. Kristi Funk – Official Page

Dr. Kristi Funk is board-certified breast cancer surgeon, bestselling author, international keynote speaker and women's health advocate.

https://pinklotus.com/powerup/drkristifunk/

healthybychristmas · 10/07/2025 22:33

I am so sorry for all of you for going through this and to you, OP, as the news is so fresh. That buddy system seems like a really good place to start. Please post on here so we can support you every step of the way.

NanaRoseUK · 10/07/2025 22:36

Oh sweetheart… I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That kind of news shakes your whole world, doesn’t it? I just want you to know—it’s okay to be scared. You’re allowed to feel lost right now.

But don’t let fear steal your hope. Wait for the biopsy results before jumping too far ahead. Sometimes doctors prepare us for the worst, but it doesn’t always mean it is the worst.

And whatever happens, you're not alone. Lean on the people who love you. Let them hold you up for a while. One step at a time, darling. Just one step.

Regularmumandfriend · 10/07/2025 22:44

I am so sorry to hear your news. Please do ask your Dr about any clinical trials you might be able to join when you get to discuss treatment options. Its worth considering. CRUK has a phone line where you can speak to a nurse. They are fantastic. Also lots of info re treatments etc on the website. Maggies is another really amazing place for support.
I know many people through work who are living long lives with grade 3 and 4 cancer.
Rooting for you and sending you all the best vibes.

DoubleRainbow3 · 10/07/2025 22:53

You will get plenty of support in here 💐

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/07/2025 23:08

Just wanted to send you some more support, OP. I've been through breast & womb cancer, & I'm rooting for you. I agree that if you can find the nurse-led helplines, they're great.

Anotherdayanotherscan · 10/07/2025 23:29

I am 45 and I am stage 4 I know several people in a similar situation and it is awful but wait to see.there are many many lines of treatment and the line I hear a lot is living with ongoing cancer. I truly hope it's just a blip on a scan but know that there is a lot of support through breast cancer now and Maggie's that I would really recommend. I really do wish you the best of luck

Enigma53 · 11/07/2025 11:12

@badnews943 This news must be a huge shock, I’m sorry ❤️

I have stage 4 BC ( lung) and currently it is dormant. The waiting is tough I agree, but once all the scan reports are in, your team can then come up with a treatment plan for you. Many women are living well with Breast cancer today, as the treatment lines are plentiful.

Don’t lose hope. If you want to chat, look at MacMillan/ Breast cancer care and/ or FB groups ( Stage 4 deserves more is a good one and Make seconds count).

Good luck, we are here for you too.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2025 11:15

Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear this and wishing you all the strength and support. I will keep checking in to see how you’re doing.

Enigma53 · 11/07/2025 11:16

TourdeFrance2025 · 10/07/2025 21:14

I'm so sorry, that must have been very hard to hear.

Do you have anyone there with you?

Both are curable, so try to focus on getting rid of the bastard thing & making a good recovery!!🤗😘

Be careful of using the word “ curable”
IF OPs cancer has metastasised
( hopefully not) then it will be treatable.

badnews943 · 11/07/2025 11:36

hottoday22 · 10/07/2025 22:15

Sorry to hear this OP - you must be reeling so sending you lots of love and I want you to know that the waiting is the hardest part!
once you have the results - good or bad, you can put a plan of attack in place and at least you’ll have some answers.
I have advanced breast cancer, which means it has spread to other parts of my body. It’s a bit shit, but once you realise the world isn’t ending today (and that took me a while!) then you can try and enjoy life. But that does take a bit of time.

do you want to share your treatment / test plan, appointments etc? Happy to answer any questions. I feel quite the pro.

there’s a few good Facebook groups if it turns out it has spread: stage 4 deserves more, there will be a triple negative breast cancer page, and a page called ‘always hope’ if you want to look at alternatives or supplements of chemo etc x

Thanks everyone. I was a bit numb yesterday and last night kept waking up feeling terror.

I have so many questions for example, can I get an advocate as I will need help around the house. Perhaps a grant for adjustments - I've already contacted occupational therapy and they can fit a wet room which I don't want. I just want a walk in shower.

I'm also wondering if I need a sofa bed as I really struggling with the stairs. I'm wondering if I can get help with hospital appointments as taxies are costing a fortune and I've nearly fainted twice. I need help with my breathing as I'm breathless all the time and it's debilitating. I'm also wondering about applying for PIP to help with cabs and a cleaner.

OP posts:
mumda · 11/07/2025 11:41

Macmillan have specialist benefit support, don't they?
I hope they can help sort you out support - financial and otherwise.

40weeksmummy · 11/07/2025 11:41

badnews943 · 10/07/2025 21:09

Had a nightmare today. Received news that I have type 3 breast cancer which may be in my lungs. I'm having a lung biopsy next week but the Dr seemed pretty certain.

I'm not sure what to think. Any advice or support?

My MIL was diagnosed with stage 3 very rare cancer, spreaded to her lymphoids and brains. She was refused for any treatment as there was no point, doctors gave her 2-3months. However, she spent every single penny for private radiotherapy and chemotherapy, didn't even finished it because there were no more money. It was 2019. She is absolutely fine, miracles happen.
My dad has a lung cancer spreaded to his bones since 2017.
Believe in yourself and all the best for you!

Rosscameasdoody · 11/07/2025 11:56

badnews943 · 10/07/2025 21:34

Thanks. I need a biopsy to see if it's mestatised. They want to do an MRI of the liver and bones. So at the moment all I know for sure is that it's aggressive breast cancer. Treatment will be decided when all the results are in. The Dr said something about chemotherapy for life!

OP I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had a mastectomy in December. There are types, grades and stages of cancer and I think the best way forward is to have a think about anything you’re not clear on and make a list of the things you want to know and take it to your next clinic appointment. Then you can ask away.

The first stages after a diagnosis are always very scary but as impossible as it seems right now, you will get your head around it. The first thing they do is to stage it and type it - hence all the testing, including biopsy and scans - MRI and CT - to assess any spread. Once all of the results are in they will have a clearer picture, they will know what the cancer potentially responds to and will have a treatment plan.

MRI and CT are very straightforward - a bit claustrophobic but you’re never left alone and you’re in contact with radiographers all the time. CT is a bit quicker and more open. I found the biopsies OK. They were done under ultrasound in my case and after local anaesthetic, so not too bad.

You said you’ve already been told that it’s aggressive and in your lungs. I know it’s hard but try not to panic - your mind does go to some very dark places if you let it so try to keep positive. You’ll know more soon and you’ll be kept informed at all stages, and will be given options and input to any treatment as far as possible.

The doctor mentioned chemotherapy for life. This is a form of chemo which although not curative, helps to control symptoms, slow down the progression of the disease, and improve quality of life. But again, you need to wait for all the test results so they have a clearer picture of things and can advise accordingly.

Have you a Maggies’ centre at your hospital ? If not try googling for your nearest one. They’re a mine of information and they have lots of different support services you can use - especially good if you’re facing this largely on your own. And I’m another who recommends MacMillan. You should have been given some contact phone numbers - I found them really supportive. Also Breast Cancer Now have a really good helpline.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The key is to ask questions and engage as much as possible. Knowledge is power and I found that being pro-active in the treatment processes really helped. It must be very difficult dealing with this alone too, so it’s important to know what support services are out there and use them. If you need any more info or just need to chat to someone who’s been through the process, please do feel free to PM me. I hope you’ll keep us updated on the outcome of your tests and the treatment plan.

Enigma53 · 11/07/2025 12:04

@badnews943 do you have a Maggies centre near you? They can be an invaluable source of help and information. They can also help you with a PIP application and any other benefits you may be entitled to. Also give MacMillan a call ( make a list of all your questions first).

Regarding your breathing, you may have something called a pleural effusion. It is when you have a collection of fluid round your lung ( perhaps due to the disease) Once all reports are ready, the treatment will start. If there is fluid, they will drain it off for you.

Enigma53 · 11/07/2025 12:06

Rosscameasdoody · 11/07/2025 11:56

OP I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had a mastectomy in December. There are types, grades and stages of cancer and I think the best way forward is to have a think about anything you’re not clear on and make a list of the things you want to know and take it to your next clinic appointment. Then you can ask away.

The first stages after a diagnosis are always very scary but as impossible as it seems right now, you will get your head around it. The first thing they do is to stage it and type it - hence all the testing, including biopsy and scans - MRI and CT - to assess any spread. Once all of the results are in they will have a clearer picture, they will know what the cancer potentially responds to and will have a treatment plan.

MRI and CT are very straightforward - a bit claustrophobic but you’re never left alone and you’re in contact with radiographers all the time. CT is a bit quicker and more open. I found the biopsies OK. They were done under ultrasound in my case and after local anaesthetic, so not too bad.

You said you’ve already been told that it’s aggressive and in your lungs. I know it’s hard but try not to panic - your mind does go to some very dark places if you let it so try to keep positive. You’ll know more soon and you’ll be kept informed at all stages, and will be given options and input to any treatment as far as possible.

The doctor mentioned chemotherapy for life. This is a form of chemo which although not curative, helps to control symptoms, slow down the progression of the disease, and improve quality of life. But again, you need to wait for all the test results so they have a clearer picture of things and can advise accordingly.

Have you a Maggies’ centre at your hospital ? If not try googling for your nearest one. They’re a mine of information and they have lots of different support services you can use - especially good if you’re facing this largely on your own. And I’m another who recommends MacMillan. You should have been given some contact phone numbers - I found them really supportive. Also Breast Cancer Now have a really good helpline.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The key is to ask questions and engage as much as possible. Knowledge is power and I found that being pro-active in the treatment processes really helped. It must be very difficult dealing with this alone too, so it’s important to know what support services are out there and use them. If you need any more info or just need to chat to someone who’s been through the process, please do feel free to PM me. I hope you’ll keep us updated on the outcome of your tests and the treatment plan.

All of this OP, excellent advice and information.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 11/07/2025 12:10

Try not to doom scroll. Try to step away from the screen x

Rosscameasdoody · 11/07/2025 12:11

OP forgot to say, you should apply for PIP - they will fast track you. I’ve plenty of experience with PIP applications having been a disability outreach worker for a number of years, so if you’d like any help or advice applying and form filling please do PM me and I’ll help however I can.