Hand hold - DH likely to die in next few days

[Bahemoth]

My DH went to hospital a month ago with seizures that wouldn’t stop. He was resistant to all medication so they had to put him in an induced coma on ICU to try and stop them and reduce swelling on the brain. This last option hadn’t worked, as they don’t know the underlying cause for the seizures and they’ve now told me he’s unlikely to survive.

We have two young children and I’m not sure how I can face life without him or how I would break the news to DS9 when the time comes. My other child is 4. I’m in bits, he’s only 39 and was fit and healthy before this.

OP I wasnt much older than you when my dh passed away. I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so very sorry. The only thing I can tell you is you can and will get through this because you absolutely must. School were a blessing for my children in terms of a support structure please make them aware and let them help. As for you my darling ..well one day at a tie and one foot in front of the other thats all you need to do .In fact its all you can do. I am thinking of all of you and sending you love.

Just heartbreaking. I'm very sorry.

There is nothing I can add to the messages on here as they all express my thoughts too. I am so sorry that this is happening to your husband. Thinking of you and your children

I'm so sorry to hear this, OP.
Hug and a hand hold from me

I'm sorry that you and your family are in this awful situation. There aren't any words that a stranger can offer to comfort you I'm afraid. Just know that there are people thinking of you and sending you love. May your happy memories help you through this time 💕

I'm so sorry you and your family are facing this. You are in my thoughts and sending hugs 💔💐

We’re just at the hospital and they said they can try autoimmune therapy with plasma for a couple of days to see if that works. It’s a long shot but they’re trying whatever they can. They also can’t do surgery as the brain swelling is too big and they said it isn’t encephalitis. Praying this may work a miracle.

I'm so sorry OP, praying for you all and a positive outcome

Just sending you some love and a hug. A very difficult time but everything is just one step at a time. I would def ask for some help from staff especially for your 9 yr old you know your child best but saying goodbye might be helpful depending on the child themselves. I had a close family death experience at age 8 and very clearly remember it all but also that I got to say goodbye

I am so so sorry OP Xx

I’m so sorry OP- you must be absolutely devastated especially as you’ve not really had time to process given the circumstances. My thoughts are with you and your family.

My similar age children had a family bereavement recently and while not the same as losing a parent at all, there were some lessons I took from it which may help. My 8yo understood the finality and was quite shaken and emotional at school. She very much needed some additional support from teachers and was able to take cuddly toys in, have some space and had a lot of support from her friends. Let your 9yos good friends parents know if you can. She really benefited from some peer support and kindness and being able to talk to her friends. Despite being more knowing she still reacted in ways that could be uncomfortable for adults. She got excited about choosing a dress for the funeral and picking out what food she’d have like it was a party.

My 4yo didn’t really understand death and the finality of it. She asked questions that were very matter of fact about what happens to the body but might be upsetting if you’re in the middle of grieving. She would be very normal and play as if nothing had happened but suddenly get sad, more so at night before bed. This used to annoy my older one as she couldn’t understand why the younger one seemed happy when she was so sad. The 4yo also had a period where she asked everyone she met when they were going to die.

Basically don’t be surprised if the children deal with things in very different ways given their ages. I was also glad we took them to say goodbye. We weren’t sure if it would be distressing for them but it gave some closure and helped them to see the person was very ill and didn’t just have a cold or something minor. Be careful of using phrases like he ‘went to sleep and won’t wake up’ as it can make them scared it will happen to them.

I hope you can find support to help you in these next few weeks.

Plasma exchange has saved my DD's life twice. Keeping everything crossed it works for your DH

Sending prayers and a handhold op X

Praying that the autoimmune therapy and plasma works for him. Sending positive vibes xxx

Praying for a successful outcome from the treatment OP. I was a little older than you when my DH passed away and I well remember the shock at how it came out of the blue and deteriorated so quickly. Sending a hand hold.

Very glad to read about the autoimmune therapy - sounds like they are doing everything possible. Very much hope for a good outcome.

As the previous poster said, talk to your DS to prepare him for the probable outcome so he can start to adjust. He will get very upset, but that can’t be avoided, unfortunately. Just feed him as much information as he can take, little by little and invite him to ask questions as often children hesitate because they think it will upset you. Tell him it’s ok for you both to cry because he’s a wonderful dad and you will both miss him if he dies. Ask him if he’d like to see DH even if you’re not sure how much longer he has. Then when the visit ends he can say goodbye and if DS doesn’t get the chance of a return visit you can remind him he has said goodbye. Lace your talks with whatever spiritual beliefs your family may have. Seek his assistance in keeping DH’s memory alive with DS’s little sibling. If he wants to talk to his sibling about the situation it will help DS process the information.
Im so sorry for your situation OP, life can be so unfair at times. Accept all the support offered to you both for yourself and your DC. There are several organisations specialising in children’s bereavement and the hospital social worker can supply you with information.

As someone who has been through it, do you have any advice as to how she should tell her children?

I have heard this can be critical in helping them move through it, but I don’t know what the right approach involves.

Anyone?

Sending love, strength and a big hand hold to you OP. Hoping the new treatment works. 💐💐💐

having recently gone through similar.. sending gentle hugs and prayers for you and your family x

Ah I see some have now answered this. Yes, op, a chance to say goodbye seems helpful. Even a little note to take and put in his hand?

Just sending my love and wishing you courage and strength in the days to come. I hope that this latest treatment has a positive effect OP and you see some improvements. 😘

Keeping fingers crossed for a miracle. Stay strong OP.

I'm so very sorry 💐
Hand hold and tight hugs from me xxxx

I honestly have no words op I can't even imagine what your going through right now the only thing I can offer are my thoughts are with you at this time.❤️