My mum is dying and I'd like this space for comfort please.

[Knackeredhamster]

Non Hodgkin's lymphoma.

12 weeks since first investigations.

She's late 70's. It's a total shock. The hospital care and communication has been rubbish.

Anyway here we are. We fought to get her home, she thought she'd never see it again.

I just need this space to come to as she's declining fast. Watching her cry and begging me to stop it all is killing me.
I just need words of anyone going thru this or having done in the past.

It's hell. I'm so so exhausted with each day, each decision, the uncertainty. I know it's not about me but I'm trying to do my best.

I'll come back. My thoughts are with anyone going thru this or having gone thru end of life.

Xx

Yes we're taking turns between the four of us.

Thankyou xxxx

do take care of yourself. If she is distressed, ask medical staff about the potential to sedate her - it would be better than her struggling

Just seen your thread. My dad died in May. I just wanted to send you lots of love. It is such exhausting work watching your parent die. Remember to take care of yourself as well. xxx

Thankyou

Yes more and more has been added into the syringe driver as asked for and assessed by all those caring for her.
Our district nurses have been very prompt.

There's definitely the throat secretions and rattle the past 24 hours.

I'm absolutely heartbroken and so exhausted. I seem to have entered some sort of anger and disbelief.

I shan't question it. I've read enough that it's all normal it just doesn't seem normal or right tho.
Any of it.

I'm here with her now, to lie on the sofa with her a few hours. Xx

Thanks all again xx and sorry to those who have experienced it.

🙏 x

My mum died in July. Much the same. 6 days before she died she had the terminal agitation in hospital, it was awful. As soon as she got to the hospice, they adjusted and tweaked the syringe drive so she was calm and pain free.

Sit with her. Hold her hand and stroke her head. Tell her all the things you want to say.

I'm so sorry. It is shit xx

Sending you heartfelt sympathies OP. You are doing all you can and one day when you look back , you’ll know how much help and love you gave in those final weeks and how much that meant to your loved one. 💐

This is really helpful.

With the secretions someone told me that it was a bit link snoring - in that snoring never bothers the person doing it but it does bother the person sharing a bed with them. The secretions are like this.

I really feel for you. Its harder than anyone can imagine. You are doing a wonderful thing staying with her and making sure she knows she is loved as she makes the transition. If her breathing suddenly gets quieter then stay close xx

All my sympathies, hamster. Its really really shitty. I've been through it twice- my FIL died of lung cancer 20 odd years ago, and I was gobsmacked at how distressing it was. I'm a vet, and all I could think was that if one of my patients was allowed to suffer like that I'd be struck off! Not enough staff and no-one available for hours able to set up the morphine pump. Just awful
My mum had lupus, and was ill virtually all my life, but at the end she told me she was ready to die, but was only scared of pain. My DF was in denial, wanted her resuscitated etc, so I has to advocate for her. She deteriorated over a couple of weeks, but died peacefully (in the half hour I was out of the room!) in the end.
The waiting is the worst- you know they are going to die, and honestly I just wanted it to happen, which in turn made me feel guilty. But as I said, I'm a vet, so I don't see that level of suffering in my patients.
Hopefully things are better now, but we had zero support on either occasion, apart from each other. In my FILs case my SIL (nurse) raised a complaint, and in my mum's case my dad was really upset by the hospital staff's reactions ( a doctor laughed at him when he asked if there was nothing they could do, and when she soiled herself he had to clean her himself, no-one cared)
At least she is at home, with the people who love her ♥️. I hope she passes peacefully 🙏

I am so sorry - I lost my mum in 2009 through lung cancer and it was horrid. The hospice was amazing though.

I'm so sorry. We lost our mum at the beginning of June. She had bowel cancer. It was six months from diagnosis to when she died. It still seems unbelievable.

I lost my dad 2 years ago. He remained at home, just as he wanted. We had district nurses in every day. Continuing Healthcare funded a live in carer. We also had Hospice Care at home. It was the hardest time of my life, but he got the death he wished for.

He rattled a few days before his death but they gave an injection to stop that. He stopped eating and drinking 2 days before he died. The district nurse told me to watch his feet, they die from the feet up and it was recognisable.

Your mum will pass on, feeling the love of her family all around.

Here to handhold any time you need it xx

Mum died this morning.
Xx

I'm sorry for your loss, but also appreciate that it is a blessed relief for all. Hugs,

I'm so sorry. Sending you love and thinking of you xx

I’m sorry for the loss
of your mum. My thoughts are with you and all those who loved her x

I'm so sorry - but it sounds like you were exactly who and what she needed you to be in these last few weeks and months. I hope that gives you some comfort.

I am so so sorry 💐

So sorry for your loss xx

So sorry for your loss x

I am so very sorry to hear about your lovely Mum. Take care of yourself xx

Yes it does, very much.

Thankyou all. Kind xxxx

I wish there was a like button xx

There's now a "thanks" button!

Sorry to hear this, but a relief for you that she is now at peace, I hope x