What do you buy for the birthday of someone who is dying?

[katedan]

Best friend has weeks to live, I was due to take her away for the weekend but she is now too ill. She can't really eat much obv not drinking much so going out for dinner/drinks etc no good. Would like to do something with her as opposed to buy her something as she deserves a treat but what? Thought of a spa but think she is too ill now. Thought of flowers to send her but want to do more. Any ideas please?

Something beautifully soft or beautifully scented?

I'm sorry, what a hard situation. Would she like something like fancy pyjamas or a bed jacket type thing or cashmere bed socks?

Make a photo album to look through together.

What about a photo of the two of you?

How sad, I’m sorry

What about a beautiful blanket/patchwork that she can have on her bed?

I’m sure flowers would be lovely.

and a letter that tells her how much she means to you?

I’m usually all for surprises but in the circumstances, if you’re set on an activity rather than a physical item, you need to ask her.

Could you arrange someone to come to the house and you both have a pamper I.e. reflexology

Perhaps offer to drive her somewhere, a place that is meaningful to her and that she associates with positive memories?

Luxury hand cream
Mobile beautician for manicure

I am so sorry. That is heartbreaking.

Does she like music? Could you put old records together on Spotify? Is there a particular perfume that she likes? If so, do they make it with a body lotion?

Could you get a beautician to come to the house and pamper you both ? Maybe you could watch your favourite films together and have some tasty little snacks that might tempt your friend .

Just give her your time.
That is all she will want.

I am so sorry.

I too was going to say a mobile beautician to do manicure, pedicure and/or massage for your both

Heated throw. I got my mum one when she was dying and she loved it.

I’m so sorry

A box of photos to look through together and laugh over with a hot chocolate and a lovely soft blanket to sit under together. Maybe a playlist of songs you like? And something frivolous. It's not a waste - it'll last her lifetime and that's all that matters. And now I've made myself cry! Sorry OP x I'm sorry you're going through this

I've worked in hospices and the more nice new comfy pjs people have the better. Don't get too form fitting as need to be able to stretch a bit. A lovely new fleecy blanket would be great too. The hunger reflex tends to fade a bit so I wouldn't bother with food unless it's a small chocolate or something that she would really like. Also a small tub of her favourite face or body creams would be lovely and people can help her apply it.

I'm so sorry for your friend, I hope she is kept nice and comfortable as she approaches this end stage. It's so nice that she's got good friends around her.

Could a hand or foot masseuse be brought to her home?

After reading some of the suggestions I would just like to point out that if you're friend is having any treatment such as chemo flowers and certain smells might not be welcomed. Chemo can mess with your sense of smell and taste in a bad way.

My mums birthday was weeks before she died. I actually just bought her the same sort of stuff as
I would havendone had she bot been dying. Comfy fabric trousers (effectively pyjamas but looked like trousers when she was out of bed), face cream, perfume, really soft jumper. She was delighted with everythjng snd opened everything in an almost child like way. Make sure the wrapping is beautiful. It doesnt really matter what you buy - she will know you got if for her because she is special to you and that is the greatest gift.

I was going to say the same.

Your time is the best gift, go visit if possible and hold her hand and reminisce. Alternatively if you are too far away call or face time. Knowing you are there and care is special

I agree that a mobile reflexologist session or something would be nice - they often do reflexology/reiki etc in hospices, lots of people find it really nice and comforting.

Otherwise a really nice soft blanket, loungewear etc.

As an absolute foody, I always feel as though not being able to eat/drink in the event of a terminal illness that made me lose my appetite would be awful for me. Was your friend a foodie? If so perhaps take around very small amounts of her favourite foods to just taste, put her favourite film on and just the both of you sit and enjoy the moments, the nostalgia of the film etc, just enjoy being together whilst you can. It must be so hard.

If she is spiritual, I would get her a thoughtful spiritual gift in line with her beliefs and life after death.

Or something therapeutic, such as Sound Bath or Aromatherapy session.

Thank you for your lovely ideas, love the idea of lovely PJs or a blanket. She is no longer on chemo as it stopped working but she feels so unwell. She only found out this week and her birthday is next week and for a weird reason I keep thinking this can't be happening as it is your birthday next week!!!