DP cardiac arrest advice please

[Viciouslybashed]

Hi this will be garbled so I am sorry. My DP had a cardiac arrest a few days ago and was brought round from his sedation yesterday. I've woken up to messages from him that the nurse is trying to kill him and I need to help him. I spoke to him and he sounds very agitated. I know that this is obviously not true but wondered if anyone has any experience of what their husband wife partner is like after such a terrible event. Personally I have never been more scared since it happened and during it happening but my strong brave DP sounded so scared. Any one got any advice words of wisdom.

You are allowed to feel down and sad. You've been through a huge ordeal. The 'stay positive' crew have often not experienced a potentially life ending event IME. It is traumatising. You cannot force yourself to be positive it is a feeling from within.

What you can do is try & stay in the present. Focus on the here snd now, moment to moment. Guided meditations help. He is live, talking and can text you. These are all good things. The rest will come with patience and time.

You did an incredible thing. Wishing him a swift recovery

Hi OP, what a horrible time. Have you slept? What about food - have you had some breakfast. Please try to make sure you're taking care of yourself.

Who is around to help you at home? Do you have access to any sort of support through work? YOU have had quite an incredible few days and I'd be surprised if you weren't feeling like you are.

Please don't dismiss the impact the last few days have had on you, take care x

Thank you for replying. I just feel very like I should be feeling just grateful and I am but this sadness and crying has come today. I have my children who are all mid to late teens and they have been amazing but I am still looking after them. Part of my issue today is I am so worried they have inherited it.

OP it's natural to feel the way you are - at the very basic level you're actually in physical shock - your body needs nourishment and rest, however your brain is in constant turmoil. Be kind to yourself, it's ok to not be OK.

Right. Put the kettle on. Have a brew (extra sugar if you can). Get something to eat - healthy/nutritious would be great, pot noodle would be adequate. Have a shower, put some washing on. Cuddle your kids. Make a list - get the kids to make a list (not sure what needs to go on the list, maybe menu ideas, jobs list, things to do list, who knows but I always feel better with a list). Sit down for 10 minutes. Call or message a friend x

@Viciouslybashed

Thank you for replying. I just feel very like I should be feeling just grateful and I am but this sadness and crying has come today. I have my children who are all mid to late teens and they have been amazing but I am still looking after them. Part of my issue today is I am so worried they have inherited it.

Lots of hugs. Go easy on yourself. You have been through a massive shock as have your kids. Xxx

Agree about it being a delayed shock. Hopefully as the sedative meds get out of his system and ongoing rehab you will start to see more of the man you recognise.

This happened to my DH after heart surgery. The ICU nurses put him on the phone to me and it settled him.
Hope all goes well for you xx

How are you doing OP? Hope your dh is on the mend and has had the crazy drugs dose reduced. Thinking of you x

Life is very strange here. I have basically no contract with my other half unless his mum rings me when she is with him. He won't answer the phone to me if I ring him. Now I am trying not to but I am taking this to heart. I know he is ill and confused, though physically he is doing well. But he just won't answer the phone and speak to me. The other day he did messenger me a reply to some things but nothing personal. He is sometimes lucid sometimes so confused. Not really sure what's going on. It's taking a bit of a toll on me and the kids. Very strange times indeed. But I am aware it is very early days still and I am counting my blessings.

@Viciouslybashed how are you doing? How is your DH?

Is it not possible to visit him?
I am sure if you spoke to the nurse in charge they would allow you to alter the visiting log.
I’d be stood at the ward doors to try and get In to see my DH.

No we were not allowed to visit him only mil. He's been home for a few weeks now and is doing so well. You would not know he had been ill apart from the scar and lump where he has his icd popped in. I on the other ha d can't sleep and have a weird aversion to noises I can't identify immediately which must be linked to the mysterious noise that alerted me to dp having the cardiac arrest.
I am not trying to be a dick but being at the door of the ward would have made no difference they would have not let me in. Doesn't mean I don't love him as much as you love your dh for god sake but the rules were not just some whim they were strictly enforced.

@Hodibiddy

Is it not possible to visit him? I am sure if you spoke to the nurse in charge they would allow you to alter the visiting log. I’d be stood at the ward doors to try and get In to see my DH.

And security would have escorted you off site.

@Viciouslybashed

No we were not allowed to visit him only mil. He's been home for a few weeks now and is doing so well. You would not know he had been ill apart from the scar and lump where he has his icd popped in. I on the other ha d can't sleep and have a weird aversion to noises I can't identify immediately which must be linked to the mysterious noise that alerted me to dp having the cardiac arrest. I am not trying to be a dick but being at the door of the ward would have made no difference they would have not let me in. Doesn't mean I don't love him as much as you love your dh for god sake but the rules were not just some whim they were strictly enforced.

Good to hear he's home and better and with his ICD. I am not surprised you are suffering from anxiety after your experience. Would it be an option for you to receive some counselling?

I will try and access counselling as I actually do think I am not right. I find sleeping really hard as I feel really panicky as I try and drop off. Then I am exhausted all day and then can't sleep again. I was thinking I am fine to return to work but I am not sure I am. Will overthink that also while I am trying to sleep too.

I am not sure how long you have been with him however you need to make clear plans going forward around who he wants as his NOK. It usually takes an awful situation for folks to change things going forward. I wasnt married when my now DH was in hospital but i was still named as NOK. Let things setlle but get your legal matters in order. Wills , nok etc..

@Hodibiddy, why did you resurrect this thread to have a dig at OP???

The nok thing was not really the issue re the visiting as that was more bad timing on our part as mil went on the one day and I was going on the mon but over night they decided that only the same visitor was allowed to visit throughout his whole stay. I have been with him many years 22 I think in Jan. I do agree that we need to get things in order legally. Might even let him marry me now 😂.

[quote mineofuselessinformation]@Hodibiddy, why did you resurrect this thread to have a dig at OP???[/quote]
I know I wondered if I was being over sensitive but it did seem a bit odd.

Viciouslybashed i hear you ! We got married in a hurry after 22yrs...

although how awful that you couldnt visit. He would have benefitted from you being there. I know my DH was clear i was who he wanted to see. hugs from me

OP ask about EMDR (read "the body keeps the score" which explains how memory creation gets messed up during stress, PTSD etc). My very down to earth elderly relative had similar issues and EFT (a related type of therapy) fixed it for her, much to her surprise, as honestly it sounds a bit like witchcraft.

It does sound like some counselling would be a good idea for you @Viciouslybashed - the initial cardiac arrest must have been terrifying and then the prolonged period of his confusion and paranoia. My DH had a similar experience whilst in the HDU a couple of years ago - he told me not to come to the hospital to visit because there was a riot going on and that the staff there had threatened him overnight and told him if he reported them for being on drugs, they knew where we lived and where ds went to school.

He still firmly believes to this day that this all happened. I will have a listen to the programme @frumpety linked to above.

Take care of yourself and I'm glad that he is home and recovering well.

Look up ICU psychosis or ICU delirium. It's a thing.

His confusion has stopped and he doesn't remember anything of his time in itu or when he thought people had been shot etc in the bed next to him and I had been replaced in some way. He also has no recollection of the day of the event which is a blessing. In general we are not seeing much evidence of brain damage through hospital did mention it was evident in his scans. Not sure if we are just unlucky but we have had no contact or anything from his consultant since we have left hospital. He did have his wound checked by nurse at Dr's. But he is doing very well and is just amazing really.