Anyone awake for a hand hold?

[Milicentbystander72]

My DM is in the final few weeks of her life. She has extensive advanced stomach cancer. It was only diagnosed as cancer just under 3 weeks ago. Up until then she had felt tired for a short spell, had a urine infection, discomfort in her side and low iron. She was sent to the hospital by her GP and stayed in from 21 July until she was discharged only on Saturday evening,

The situation with C19 we were unable to visit her in hospital and even her own GP is waiting for communication on the exact details of her diagnosis. She has been discharged with palliative care only. There is no hospice provision where are so me and my sister are trying to care for her.

Her decline has been brutally swift. She can no longer do anything at all. Tonight she took another turn for the worse and we had to get out of hours district nurses to come and give her a catheter.

I'm now sitting with her on my own. She keeps crying that we will make a mistake and think she's dead when she's not. She keeps waking up shouting that she's not dead. So far tonight she's not slept peacefully for any length of time. She's on oral morphine. Up until tonight she's been peaceful.

I feel so alone and frankly traumatised. She terrified and keeps letting me know it. I haven't slept or eaten for the last 24 hours. I nearly dropped her trying to help her in the toilet earlier (which is now she now has a catheter). I'm very on edge.

I'm not sure what I want from this thread but I guess just wanted a bit of company. I honestly feel this is so horrific.

My sincere condolences to you and your sister. Your care ensured your mother achieved a peaceful death in her own home.

Just caught up with the thread, Millicent, and am sending you peace and light. You and your sister did wonderful work so that your DM could pass peacefully at home.

I'm really really sorry @Milicentbystander72

Be kind to yourself - as well as the loss of your DM, you've had a massively traumatic few weeks 💐💐

I understand that feeling of relief that for them it is all over and their pain is gone. You must hang onto that knowledge and look after yourself and your sister now. I am so very sorry for both of you. x x

So very sorry for your loss xx

I'm so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your great loss . Such a relief for you both now that your DM is no longer suffering and in the knowledge that you both looked after her so well in such difficult times . I hope you and your sister can sleep well and relax now that you have completed your very difficult task . Your DM is at peace now having been supported by her two lovely daughters xx

@Milicentbystander72 my love goes out to you and your sister and any other family members x
I think the thing to remember is that she isn't in pain any longer and you did all you could for her at a very hard time.
Make sure you take time for yourself and ensure that you accept any help in making the preparation for her memorial as sadly there are plans to be made at a time where you quite frankly feel like burying yourself under a duvet!

I am so sorry. Thinking of you, OP.