Anyone awake for a hand hold?

[Milicentbystander72]

My DM is in the final few weeks of her life. She has extensive advanced stomach cancer. It was only diagnosed as cancer just under 3 weeks ago. Up until then she had felt tired for a short spell, had a urine infection, discomfort in her side and low iron. She was sent to the hospital by her GP and stayed in from 21 July until she was discharged only on Saturday evening,

The situation with C19 we were unable to visit her in hospital and even her own GP is waiting for communication on the exact details of her diagnosis. She has been discharged with palliative care only. There is no hospice provision where are so me and my sister are trying to care for her.

Her decline has been brutally swift. She can no longer do anything at all. Tonight she took another turn for the worse and we had to get out of hours district nurses to come and give her a catheter.

I'm now sitting with her on my own. She keeps crying that we will make a mistake and think she's dead when she's not. She keeps waking up shouting that she's not dead. So far tonight she's not slept peacefully for any length of time. She's on oral morphine. Up until tonight she's been peaceful.

I feel so alone and frankly traumatised. She terrified and keeps letting me know it. I haven't slept or eaten for the last 24 hours. I nearly dropped her trying to help her in the toilet earlier (which is now she now has a catheter). I'm very on edge.

I'm not sure what I want from this thread but I guess just wanted a bit of company. I honestly feel this is so horrific.

Sending love to you all. You are doing so well.

Hand hold here for you, I 100% understand the morphine panic as I've experienced it first hand, I'm so glad they have got a sedative in there now as well.

There is this really strange line between it making you shout out and feel really out of your mind, to a higher does that takes the pain and allows you to sleep, the deep sleep is bliss and so peaceful do the dosage sounds good now.

How is she this evening? I hope you have more support heading your way allowing you to sleep.

Sending love and prayers to you across the water, and a hand hold too xx

Sending 💐 and ❤️ @Milicentbystander72

2 years ago this week I was where you are now, watching my dad in his final days. He had a long term illness but became terminally ill unexpectedly & died after a few weeks, sadly haunted by awful pain.

I'm so sorry OP & for all the loss you've had. Thinking of your mum, and you & DSis

Sending my love to you I have lost my beloved dad at 12.36 this morning due to a Glioblastoma diagnosed 4 weeks ago: we were with him though and I am so thankful for that. He was at peace and wasn't in pain at the end.
It's the not being with them when they need you the most that is the hardest.

I'm here for a chat if you need it. I get what you are going through xx

We couldn't get a hospice place for my dad he has been in a normal ward for 5 weeks and we have not been allowed to visit which has been so hard. Thankfully they allowed him into a private room on a rehabilitation ward and some of the hospice staff who were seconded have been with us.
I hope you are ok and your mum is as comfortable as she can be. Xx my love is With you.

Sending a handhold as I've recently had to sit by my dying dad with my mum and I know its hard. Well done, you're doing the best for her.

Keep going @Milicentbystander72 it sounds like you and your family are doing a great job.

You're allowed to be scared, upset and confused, but you are there and helping which is the important thing. It sounds like exactly what your DM needs ☺️

Remember, no one gets this 'right'. Hindsight is 20/20 so keep taking each day and night at a time and never look back and beat yourself up about the 'could have' and 'should have'.

Try to get a few minutes 'me' time at some point. Give yourself permission to go for a short walk maybe, clear your head and find ground.

Sending a hand hold and a high five for you all coming together, you're stronger than you realise 💐

@Buttybach I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can find a sense of peace soon.

Full respect to you reaching out to help others at this time, that is so lovely and shows you have a great character. Keep strong cariad

Sending love avd strength to you OP, it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job in very difficult circumstances

Buttybach I'm so so sorry. It's devastating and heartbreaking for you. for your beloved dad.

Thank you so much x I was awake all of last night. It's been so sudden. I hope your mum is more settled today @Milicentbystander72 and you have had time to rest and process this all. It's quite frankly the shittest time to get ill right now.
Do you have any help there x

[quote Thack]@Buttybach I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can find a sense of peace soon.

Full respect to you reaching out to help others at this time, that is so lovely and shows you have a great character. Keep strong cariad[/quote]
Bless you for your kind words. My dad has always been the type to be there for others so I'm doing what he has always done. I had surgery in February and dad was obviously unwell bless him but we didn't know and he got on three trains to get to me and make me a brew and a ginger biscuit.

My DM passed away this afternoon. My sister and I were having a quick break in the kitchen. Very sneaky of her. She looked very peaceful.

I feel immensely sad (and a bit angry with the whole situation in the first place) but relieved for her. Tonight we are relaxing for the first time in a few weeks. I think we will all sleep well tonight.

Thanks for hand hold thread.

I’m sorry for your loss Milicent

I'm very sorry for your loss @Milicentbystander72

Oh you poor poor woman. What an awful thing to go through.

Firstly- I think your Mum would have been so so proud of and grateful to you.

Be kind to yourselves. There is a LOT to process x

So very sorry for your loss xxx

I'm very late, too late, but I am glad that you are with your sister and that you were able to be there for your Mum. It sounds like she had as 'good' a death as anyone can have with cancer, so you did a fantastic job with her. It made me chuckle that she was complaining about a lack of sorbet in her final days - that's spirit

I'm so sorry for your loss and relieved for you and sister and your mum that it's over. Sending strength. Xx

So very sorry for your loss @Milicentbystander72. Sending love.

So sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry to hear that she has passed.

Sorry to hear the news OP.