Sitting with my Mum ... how ridiculously hard this is

[Twinkle71]

DM has battled bowel cancer for 4.5 years . Spread also to liver and lungs.
She is fading away day by day. I’ve moved into their house today to give Dad support.
She is yellow, puffy, confused, sleeping all the time. No mobility at all. Losing control of bladder and bowels. But has moments of lucidity, will manage to eat small mouthfuls of food and sips of water.
I have two teenage children at home with sickness bugs. I’m lucky to have a really supportive DH.
I feel so torn. I feel so guilty wanting this to be over.
How long can this twilight zone go on for? 🙏🏻

@Millettmum I am so sorry to read about your daughter and how you are carrying this pain.

I send you strength and love.

Millettmum -

There is a lot of evidence that people often wait until they are alone to go. Maybe make sure she has the chance?

Thinking of you.

The torture still continues. She’s been on a syringe driver for 24 hours as she was getting very agitated. The district nurse had to come out 3 times in the night to top her up as she seemed so in pain. The death rattle started last night so she has had the medication to dry the mucus up.
But still she fights. We have left her alone and whispered that it’s ok to go. She is not my mum anymore. Just a shell that is still breathing. I think we are all at breaking point. No one wants to leave the house and go back to work/uni/life etc just in case. But we are all stuck in limbo.
I’m praying for release soon 🙏🏻

Have you told her she can go if she wants to ?
The nurses at the hospice told us that a lot of people hold on because they worry about those they will be leaving.
Also some people wait when they are alone .
I thanked my mum for being a great mum and my daughter thanked her for being nan.
Sending you and your family my thoughts.

Not long now sweetheart, you can do this.

Saying a little prayer for you all, not long now.

Thinking of you. In my experience it was less than 48 hours after the syringe driver was used. Look after yourself.

Thinking of you still.

Oh sweetheart that is heart breaking for you x my mum lasted about three days at this stage but she was in a hospice so rather different in terms of care. I wish your mum peace soon. If she is in a syringe driver at least reassure yourself that she is going to be pretty out of it but she will still be able to hear your voice so keep talking to her. I am nearly 11 years on and I still feel the emotions of those last days and nights xx

So very sorry OP 💐

Thinking of you

Sending love

Thinking of you

Oh lovely it can't be that much longer. Hang on. Praying for you all.

Thinking of you all OP

Gentle hugs, @Twinkle71. Thinking of you all

🤝

Hi op thinking on you and your family.
We went through similar with my mum and she fell near the end (2 months) and had to go in hospice. They stopped all her medication except morphine which in the last few days made her totally unresponsive.

I feel for you on the toilet issue you try your best you just have them clean and the bowels go again. It's just as uncomfortable for your mum probably more as she will feel a burden that's what my mum used to say I'm nothing but a torture it really upset her us having to change and do her hygiene.
I am crying writing this read your thread last night but was too upset to type.
I would do anything to have her back for a day.
You will still have the same visiting your dad every day cause you don't want him to be lonely and you will have a continuous sadness of him been on his own.

Huge love to you all, Twinkle. You have shown such strength, being there for your mum. Please look after yourselves too. By the sound of things, it wont be long. X ❤

My lovely mum passed this morning. It was beautiful and peaceful with us all here, talking to her and holding her hands.
Thank you so much for all your support. You will never know how much it helped

Aw @Twinkle71 I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’ve been following... sending love to you and yours.

Sending love to you and your family. x