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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

Personal Care of DF - devastated

94 replies

Mother87 · 12/09/2019 21:48

DF 90 palliative care...not long to go... Have I made a huge mistake? Inbetween hospice@home/carers/night-sitters it's just me looking after DF for a few hours (sent DM to mine each night as she's just not coping) Have had to help DF with toiletting - handled quickly/as 'discreetly' as possible... but he's in/out of being lucid... had 'terminal agitation' yesterday and said terrible terrible things to me. I've been told it happens/it's upsetting but 'normal' And tonight for the first time during this god-awful process, i tried to help him to pee in a bottle (been a commode so far/easier to shield the view somehow) and he looked at me in total disgust/shaking his head as to why we're both in this horrifying position... Have i done the very worst possible thing to my very dignified/proud DF by trying to be here every second... I'm devastated

OP posts:

Original poster

Mother87 · 15/09/2019 17:46

Thank you hero - comforting to know you/people like you are still around...xx

OP posts:

Ginger153 · 15/09/2019 17:59

I am so sorry to read this. It's a difficult journey and hard to be with someone when their illness takes over and takes their kind words at times too. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give him no matter how hard illness makes these moments. The way forward will come and he will always be your dad

MrsMozartMkII · 15/09/2019 18:32

This time will seem like a dream.

Still handholding lass.

ProperVexed · 15/09/2019 18:48

Thinking of you,my lovely, at this difficult time.

isabellerossignol · 15/09/2019 18:57

OP I went through all this when my dad was dying and I promise you, you will not regret being there for him. It is utterly gut wrenching agony at the time but the sense of peace afterwards is huge.

Original poster

Mother87 · 15/09/2019 22:40

Thank you to ALL of you... you REALLY helped me through the last few days more than I can express... Daddy is now sailing away on a Slow Boat to China in our dreams - his passing was calm & utterly beautiful with just DM/DD25 & myself... people kept telling us they 'go' when you leave the room etc etc etc... and the 3 of us were doing things in/out of the room - napping/yoga/in the kitchen etc... and then all 3 of us were there and he slowly quietly became still, whilst we told him how much we loved him... we were blessed I know... and I really really did my best for him... and am sure one day i'll forget about the worst bits and remember all the best!! The relief is Indeed immense as pp said - thank god it's over for him... My absolute respect for any/all who go through any part of this process - We're all members of a club we never wanted to join - but you all made it just about bearable and i'm eternally grateful for your wisdom abd compassionsending the biggest unmumsnetty hugs to all xxxx

OP posts:

Chocolatecake12 · 15/09/2019 22:55

You were an amazing daughter. How lucky your dad was to have you. Take care of yourself now

Fairylea · 15/09/2019 22:58

I’m so glad you were able to be with him right until the end. I’m sure he knew how loved he was.

Excitedforxmas · 15/09/2019 23:00

You wonderful person xx

meuh · 15/09/2019 23:03

Honeywort · 15/09/2019 23:03

no words only kind thoughts and immense respect to you and your wonderful father

Original poster

Mother87 · 15/09/2019 23:08

Handsome daddy from Singapore...

OP posts:

Original poster

Mother87 · 15/09/2019 23:13

Thank you all

OP posts:

isabellerossignol · 16/09/2019 04:44

he was lucky to have you and you were lucky to have him.

Urskeks · 16/09/2019 04:54

Bless you. I'm sorry for your loss. You were there for him right til the end and that's very special. Well done. I wish you all the strength and love possible, to get you through this time of adjustment. X

Claphands · 16/09/2019 04:56

Such love there OP x

Rookie93 · 16/09/2019 05:00

FredaFrogspawn · 16/09/2019 05:34

He looks amazing in that suit. What a well dressed gent. Handsome too. And lucky -so lucky - to be loved the way he was. I’m so sorry you lost him but so pleased for you that you had him.

MrsMozartMkII · 16/09/2019 09:04

A handsome and very much loved gentleman.

May he rest in peace

SalitaeDiscesa · 16/09/2019 09:32

Well done @Mother87 and condolences on your loss. You will find comfort in knowing that you did your best for him 💐

VictoriaBun · 16/09/2019 09:38

Sorry for your families loss. May he be in his happy place

Atalune · 16/09/2019 10:07

So sorry for your loss.

Windygate · 16/09/2019 10:20

Your Singapore memories remind me of my daddy who caught the Slow Boat very recently. I'm so sorry for your loss. You've reminded me of some very special times 🐉

ajandjjmum · 16/09/2019 10:31

What a handsome man - and what a beautiful daughter he has.

The bond between you and your DD will be stronger for what you've experienced together - I know from personal experience.

Take care of yourself over the coming weeks, and I know that your memories will give you comfort during the tough times.

RIP.

Original poster

Mother87 · 16/09/2019 11:54

Thank you SO much ALL of you... the landscape today is SO different from yesterday - I guess/know we'll find a new way...

Windygate⛩

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