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Original poster

Bowel cancer spread...what happens next?

59 replies

Dowser · 15/02/2015 11:41

My lovely cousins husband had bowel cancer diagnosed last year.

He had radio and chemo. Then an op to remove the tumour and was left with a bag.

More chemo to mop up the cells and before he got to the end of it , he was scanned and it's in his liver and stomach.

He's in excruciating pain, taking morphine constantly so he's out of it. Can't eat. Having no life at all. Doesn't leave the house.

Been to see them and it's beyond heartbreaking.

He starts more chemo this week.

I can't make sense of it at all. He's already a very poorly, sick man and he's getting more of the same.

He's got 6 months without chemo and 2 years with. I'd love to believe that but the reality just doesn't seem to measure up.

This is only palliative treatment, there's no cure.

Has anyone any insights and I do apologise if this is triggering but I'm just bewildered.

OP posts:
BsshBosh · 15/02/2015 18:12

So sorry to hear this. When he restarts chemo he may well find it reducing his pain, making it more manageable.

Eyespy24 · 15/02/2015 18:53

There is a forum on the beating bowel cancer website with incredible support & answers. Nurses & patients & very informative.

Very sorry to hear about your cousin's DH. My mum also has stage 4 bowel cancer & is receiving palliative care only. Your cousin is lucky to have your support.

whatisforteamum · 15/02/2015 20:11

Dowser My Mum has been v ill with stage 4 ovarian type of cancer i couldnt see how someone so ill could tolerate it.But she did and had 4 yrs symptom free.Then it returned in 2012 she too was on morphine and had majorabdo op as it was wrapped around her bowel.She is ok at the moment.Infact for someone who lost 2 1/2 STONE AND HAD ABOUT A YR TO LIVE THIS IS HER 7TH !!oops shouting sorry.hope this gives you hope and best wishes to you all [FLOWERS]
]

Original poster
Dowser · 15/02/2015 22:45

Wow. Thanks for that. It's been going round and round in my head for three weeks now resulting in us taking a five hour trip to visit because I was going crazy as we were so far away.

I didn't think there was hope, but thanks to your posting there is some hope.

Good news...I hope.

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Original poster
Dowser · 15/02/2015 22:50

Yes cancer is wrapped around his bowel as well . he stopped chemo two weeks ago because he was too ill to receive it.

Now they are starting a more aggressive one this week.

I can't believe having more chemo can reduce pain but there you go if it's happened for your loved ones.

It's such a horrible treatment.

Got a shock that carol mcgiffin has been fighting breast cancer for a year.

Poor Linda Bellingham....she had so much chemo. Poor lady.

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triplets · 15/02/2015 23:06

Hi Dowser, my dh was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2008. It was stage 4 and had spread to his liver. He had surgery within weeks to remove the tumour followed by three months chemo. This reduced to tumours in the liver which were then surgically removed. He also had a bag. The following two years were hell further surgery more chemo. Then in 2011 the oncologist said she didn`t know where to go from here, they had run out of options. I researched and found a trial and pushed to get him on it. It was six months of heart ache and hell it made him so ill. Then they scanned and the tumours had drastically shrunk! They were the removed, and he has had no treatment since! He is still in remission, amazing! The cruel end to this though is he has now been diagnosed with Parkinsons, really not fair is it? Do you know what chemo he has been on? Good luck, keep positive...........I know its hard. xx

Original poster
Dowser · 16/02/2015 19:57

No, I don't know the type of chemo. This new one he starts later on this week is coming from England, so maybe not in general use in Wales.

More bad news though. He's spent most of the day at hospital as he's had a blood clot in his leg resulting in awful pain.

His poor wife. She must feel like she's fallen down a rabbit hole and there's no end in sight.

It must be hard to feel positive when you are right in the middle of it like that. :-(

OP posts:
triplets · 16/02/2015 22:43

It is hard but you must try to keep upbeat for them otherwise they feel you have given up on them, miracles do happen in cancer I have seen it, never give up hope xxxx

Original poster
Dowser · 20/02/2015 13:41

Things seem to be going from bad to much worse.

A blood clot at the weekend in his leg causing much pain and has prevented him from having more chemo this week.

Looking at march 5 now.

He appears to have taken to his bed. Hopefully as he's more comfortable there. His wife told me that his urine is practically orange. Is that medication? It's hurting too much to walk to the bathroom.

There's no Heating on in the house. His wife is frozen. Apparently that's advice from hospital. Does that sound right?

When he sleeps at night he makes such a deep wheezing in his chest and throat. His wife can't sleep and has lost half a stone in weight in a week. I fear for them both. If she goes down he will have no one to help him.

It's just bleak isn't it?

I keep visualing him upstairs in bed , in pain, in a freezing cold house, barely eating and drinking.His wife freezing and not eating and dashing down to see her 94 year old mother to get warm as she's a carer for her too.

It's so much worse than we were down sat week and it was bad enough then.

I despair, I really do. I send a txt to each of them every day and speak to his wife about every 3-4 days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dowser · 20/02/2015 13:42

*last week

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 21/02/2015 14:02

Dowser i am so sorry.I must admit it sounds dreadful i dont understand the heating bit.His poor wife.Let her know you are their for her and i hope he turns a corner soon.Flowers

Original poster
Dowser · 25/02/2015 10:25

Thank you . Another update. Thankfully he's been taken into hospital. About 4 nights ago he was up all night, couldn't sleep, severe pain being sick so his wife called an ambulance and he was taken to hospital and the good news was that he was being kept in for a week to sort out his pain

So his wife has whacked her heating up, had a few good nights sleep and he's much more comfortable. He's in a room on his own now and they are attending to his pain.

I just felt it was so wrong what was happening there and they needed so extra help.

What the temp is in hospital I don't know but no way will it be anywhere near as cold as their house.

On the downside , he can't walk much...if at all. How is he going to manage at home? If he takes up residence in the living room downstairs in a hospital bed, there's only a toilet downstairs no shower.

He's a big man. 20 stone, a 6 footer unless he's lost of weight since we saw him 2 weeks ago. My cousin can't push him in a chair or do anything more than fetching and carrying for him.

But at least there's been some respite.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dowser · 08/03/2015 23:31

I think he's dying.

He has a chest infection. He's turning yellow. He can barely swallow.

He's doped up to the eyeballs to kill the pain.

He sleeps most of the time. His wife feeds him a bit of ice cream.

He's too I'll for the chemo.

He's still in hospital with no plans to send him home. Oh yes, he can't stand. He can't get out of bed.

This doesn't sound good does it? I don't think he'll be coming home.

That's my gut feeling.

I just so sad but yes am very supportive to his wife.

OP posts:
echt · 09/03/2015 07:20

Sorry to hear this, Dowser, and yes, it does look very bad. It's good that his pain is being contained, though the cost in consciousness is great.

You sound like a good friend, keep on offering all you can. Thanks

throckenholt · 09/03/2015 19:38

sleeping all the time is often a sign of nearing the end :(

So tough for everyone involved.

Original poster
Dowser · 10/03/2015 10:20

Thanks throckenholt . That's what I thought. Although the fact that he's doped too will make him sleep.

Thanks echt.

I'll txt his wife again today.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 10/03/2015 10:32

Heartbreaking post the bit we all dread not too sure how i will cope when my parents get to this stage.His poor wife.Sounds like a rapid deterioration.Keep venting on here Dowser.No good bottling thing up Flowers

WiIdfire · 10/03/2015 10:39

Unfortunately this sounds very much like the terminal stage of his illness. So sorry. He may be able to be moved to a hospice which might be more comfortable for him. If anyone was planning to see him, now would be the time. Look after yourself and your family.

Jackie0 · 10/03/2015 10:55

Oh Dowser, such a terribly sad time for you all. Your cousin is fortunate to have you.
I'm sorry to say this may well be nearly the end. He isn't in any pain in the hospital and if he moves to a hospice his comfort will be paramount there too. Take care of yourselves

Original poster
Dowser · 10/03/2015 22:36

Just had a heartbreaking txt 5 mins ago. He's taken a turn for the worst and his wife is staying with him for another hour or she may stay through the night.

I don't think the poor thing knows which way to turn. If i was at home we would drive through the night but Im in another country.

I just feel useless stuck here when I want to be with her.

This is just slightly over a year since he had his diagnosis .

Heartbreaking.

This man has a heart the size of a lion. He took on the 4 young children of my cousin. Raised them as his own, then when his mil became infirm they took on the total care of her too. Wherever they went mil went too. They never got a holiday on their own , not even their honeymoon.

When his mil went into hospital two years ago they got a break in my home town for a week and again last year before his bowel op. we had a great time. Went all over. They even managed a couple of short breaks on their own as by then they had allowed carers in to look after mil.

When he had beaten the cancer he wanted to go to Vegas and we were going to go along as well as I've been and knew the ropes, so to speak.

Not going to happen. None of it. Not even the respite at a nice hotel in Cornwall some carers association had awarded them in June.

He has given so much and asked for so little. All he wanted was some time alone with his beloved wife. Thank god, I've got it he said to me, I couldn't bear it if it was Ann ( NC). That's the man he was. Going to the cancer hospital he was heartbroken seeing the little children with cancer. Give it to me, he'd say.

55 years old....and life was just beginning!

OP posts:
echt · 11/03/2015 07:13

Ah, so sad, Dowser. Yikes, 55. It looks like a whippersnapper's age to me.

He sounds like such a man, with a great heart.

Original poster
Dowser · 11/03/2015 10:56

He is.

Like I said, life was just starting for him and then he got his diagnosis.

Along with his own two he's been father to 6 children. Lovely family man. Large as life himself. Full of fun.

Can't believe he's going to be outlived by his 94 year old mil .

OP posts:
Original poster
Dowser · 13/03/2015 12:16

He's gone. Passed away this morning with his beloved wife at his side.

I'm numb and she will be too.

Glad he's out of pain but shocked at how quick this illness took hold. Less than 13 months from tests.

Angry at how useless these treatments appear to be.

Thanks so much for listening to me everyone.

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thedevilinside · 13/03/2015 14:09

So sorry to read this OP Sad

GratefulHead · 13/03/2015 15:06

In tears reading through the thread. What an absolutely lovely man he sounds. Illness and cancer are so cruel.
Have no real words except to say sorry for your loss and for the sadness his family must be feeling today