Onwards and Upwards: Staying stale in the teacup of life

[biscuitsandbandages]

This is my 3rd thread as I go from a shock diagnosis of leukaemia towards what will hopefully be a cure.

Life is shit but I am strong and there will be happy times again.

Thank you everyone for your ongoing suppport x

What a difference a day makes!

My temperature was ok overnight. Im running warm but not hot and no more nasty shaking or throwing up. This is better :-)

The antibiotics always make me feel awful and although my appetite is better (im quite hungry) im not risking eating yet as prior experience tells me that way leads to awful tummy cramps and setting up camp in the bathroom!

We are so lucky to have antibiotics.

Noone survived leukaemia before antibiotics and blood products (blood and platelets).

Wont see the munchkins today so will spend the day sleeping and resting instead and hope to kick this bug completely!

Soooo glad you are feeling better already, hooray for antibiotics and the willpower of the biscuity one!!

Rest and relax today, kick this bug and carry on kicking the leukaemia where it hurts!!

You are doing wonderfully well, am in awe of you.

Stay stale my lovely xxx

Onwards and upwards biscuits. X

Really has cheered me up to hear you're feeling a bit better, biscuits!
Sorry Eid, yesterday, was so hard. It'll be a different picture next Eid, ok?

Onwards & upwards it is then!

Hope the antibiotics do the trick. Come on neutrophils!

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better than yesterday. I hope by resting and sleeping today you can send this bug packing and your neutrophils can start getting back to where they should be.

Keep going biscuits. You are getting there.

By next eid I plan to have survived a transplant :-) eid al adha is later in the year. Slightly less of a big deal but still a fun day and we take the kids out of school. Aiming to be home and in recovery by then.

(Not thinking about the bit in between or tbe weekly clinic check ups of the regular bone marrow and spinal chemo I will still have to have even then... eek!)

Feeling a lot better. The initial results show basically masses of bacteria in my blood. So septicaemia/sepsis.

Thank goodness for antibiotics!

I think that's an excellent plan, biscuits.

I think you should put it in writing by your bed to give you a focus when you're flagging. You have to really push the boat out next year to make up for what you've just missed.

Still cheering on the antibiotics.

Good to see you sounding better Biscuits. Hope the ABs continue to make you feel better and that you've enjoyed a good rest today.

Yes thank goodness for antibiotics!
My Aunt was the first child in Wales to receive Penicillin ... She had osteomyelitis caused by a dirty needle during a vaccination. Saved her life.
More recently my Ddad( 82) survived a nasty bout of sepsis thanks to antibiotics.

So thrilled you are feeling better biscuits, onwards and upwards with all of us here to hold your hand. Hope you have lots of rest today and continue to gain strength .

Yes go antibiotics!! I love your attitude biscuits you are one feisty lady

Glad you're feeling better today...lovely to hear baby R had a nice dress-up for Eid too. Well done, me lovely.

Keep going biscuits! You can do it!

belated Eid Mubarak to you and yours. Visualising those bacteria expiring and neutrophils regaining control for you.

Eugh the fatigue! I keep dozing off!

But still breaking and still without a return of the fever and shakes so tolerating how awful the antibiotics make me with only a few tears.

Had some surprise lunchtime baby cuddles which was lovely. Its painful to see how her face lights up for daddy. She tolerates me and smiles and cuddles up but he is clearly her mummy now and although im grateful she has formed such a secure attachment it makes me a little sad. The nursery carers see her more than me.

Breaking? No chance. Breathing!

how lovely that she is so securely attached to her daddy biscuits - but he is still her daddy and you are her mummy - you will have a whole lifetime with her to firmly establish that relationship . What he is doing is making sure that her attachment foundations are secure so that her future will be full of love and the ability to love, well done Mr Biscuits!

It really isn't fair that you get to see so little of her, but once you are well then you will be able to more than make up for this time.

You'll be making up for all your lost time with baby r soon biscuits.

Hi Biscuits, glad temp is down. The neutrophils will wake up eventually.

My mum remembers seeing her mum when she was 4 - she had no idea who she was or why her siblings were so excited as her mum had been in a prison camp for most of her life in the war, all she could see was a stranger. Although she can remember this, ALL her other memories are of how fab and inspirational her mum was to her (and me). They loved each other in a proper bonded mum and daughter relationship.

You will be exactly the same, an inspiration to your baby when she grows up and there will be time to more than catch up.

Thank you for the encouragement. Especially about my baby girl. Its so hard to see but im so grateful that dh has been able to make a bond with her and teach her attachment. I was so worried he would resent her, coming along and then me getting sick, even though they dont think the pregnancy triggered anything, it was just bad luck. He found it hard to begin with but aa soon as she started responding to him he fell in love with her and has been so good. I love watching them play together. It breaks and soothes my heart at the same time.

Mainly sleeping today again. I miss my boys. Sleep at least makes the day go quicker.

Oh gosh, I completely understand where you're coming from regarding your DD, and DH, biscuits. Could have written that myself when I was in hospital. In my case, the worsening of my condition was linked to the pregnancy and I had to battle (unwanted and shameful) feelings of resentment towards my own DD, myself. My husband - thankfully - was always able to be more philosophical about things. Fortunately I got over those feelings (pretty quickly) and since then have managed to re-bond with my DD, who lights up every day with her beautiful, luminescent smile. You will do the same, dear biscuits. Those ambivalent feelings make perfect sense: you know the healthy attachment is good for her/what she needs, but like every good mother, you want the primary attachment to be with you. And it will be again when you are through this pestilential blip and out the other side. You'll see.

Right now they must seem all-consuming, but once you are well again you'll barely be able to remember how hard the painful bits (physical and emotional) you're experiencing now, were.

Biscuits, glad to see the antibiotics are boding their job and you are feeling a bit better. I really feel for you as regards baby R, but I agree that you will undoubtedly be an inspiration to her in ears to come.

Perhaps you can transfer everything you have written here to a diary at some point in the future. Your children can then read what we do, your excitement at seeing them, the simple pleasures you get to share which are so important to you all, and the continual gruelling challenge to get better do you can be back at the heart of your home- because once this is over, and normal service is resumed, they will m

Oh dear, so many spelling errors and pressed too soon!

What I wanted to say was that your children will embrace your homecoming and good health, forgetting much more quickly than you do, what you have all had to do to have this. When they are older, and better able to understand, they will be able to read for themselves the story of this time.

Hello Biscuits, I haven't posted before, because I've spent most of six months in hospital with acute myeloid leukaemia and - very weirdly - didn't come on MN very much. Hang in there, I understand exactly how it feels missing out on festivals and celebrations - I was in on Xmas Day, and I recognised your description of your feelings.

My DC are 7 and 4 and I did have an awful fear that I wouldn't be 'mummy' any more. But I've only been home for a few weeks and nothing could be clearer than that I really am still 'mummy' - nothing changes that. Your DD will bond with you - I can understand exactly how difficult it must be that this hasn't happened the way you expected. It's a sudden thunderbolt, any diagnosis of acute leukaemia. I don't know whether it's the same for you, but although being very young to get the disease improves your chances, it can also feel strangely lonely because nobody else seems to be experiencing it in a similar way.

Please PM me if you'd like to chat further. Huge sympathy with the infections. The buggers are worse than the actual chemo, if you ask me.

We'll make it

Biscuits it must feel like this is going on and on but every day is one day nearer to you going home to your lovely family and more than making up for lost time.

DashingRedhead So sorry to hear that you have been through this too but glad to read that you are now home and I hope you continue from strength to strength.