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Life-limiting illness

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Looks like we're nearing the end. ? Last few days

108 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 13/11/2013 19:18

My dad is ill with terminal cancer and has taken a turn for the worse. They gave him a few weeks about eight weeks ago.

He's now stopped eating. Drs have said it may only be days now.

He's getting discharged tomorrow and we have a care package in place. Overnight carer, other carers three times a day, district nurse.

I've been visiting him this afternoon and he looks quite well. Was sat in a chair, talking. He's forgetting some words and gets frustrated as at times he can't say what he wants to.

I know its really hard to judge but I'm struggling to know when to not go into work. I initially told my boss I wouldn't be in the rest of the week as from what I was told on Monday I didn't think he'd be with us by the weekend. But today he's looking so well I've told my boss ill be in tomorrow, which she says its good as I only get so many days off allowed.

As it stands I haven't had any time off yet. Dad is only ten mins down the road so I can visit in evenings. Will I know when I need to be there?

My gran died very quickly and even though she was only ten mins down the road and I left as soon as I got a phone call I didn't make it to the nursing home in time. Ideally I wouldn't be going to work this week as I'd like to spend as much time as I could with my dad but if he did live for another two or three weeks I don't think my boss would be very impressed.

OP posts:
DrankSangriaInThePark · 15/11/2013 20:47

Hope you manage to spend some time with him over the next few weeks Viva. x

VivaLeBeaver · 17/11/2013 14:32

Thanks.

Saw him yesterday and he seemed ok, in bed, but alert and talking.

Went this morning and he hadn't woken up, this was 11am. We woke him after a bit, he had some cereal then was obviously in pain. So had some morphine which he doesn't normally have and straight back to sleep. Was only awake maybe 15mins. So it looks like things are getting worse.

His breathing seemed laboured as well today.

I'm going back this evening.

OP posts:
MrsMcEnroe · 17/11/2013 17:06

Thinking of you x

onlyjoking9329 · 17/11/2013 17:20

Sorry to hear that your Dad is so ill.
Take the time off work if you can. This time is precious.
I'm glad he is at home. My Dh died of cancer and he spent the last week mainly asleep and with laboured rattley breathing, his breathing altered when he heard our children or my voice, keep talking to him.
the districts nurses will be able to advise as will McMillan.
I hope he is peaceful and pain free.
Sending you strength vibes.

toffeesponge · 17/11/2013 18:43

I am sorry to appears you have father has got worse. I hope you are managing to spend as much time as you want with him.

daisydotandgertie · 17/11/2013 21:24

I agree with only joking. Rattly, difficult breathing came to my DH the day before he died.

This time is so precious, bugger work.

VivaLeBeaver · 17/11/2013 21:43

I've been round again this eve. He's sat up drinking wine, eating pizza and bread & butter pudding. It's certainly a roller coaster!

OP posts:
toffeesponge · 17/11/2013 21:50

Hurray for feasting!

TiredDog · 17/11/2013 21:55

Viva - I'm so sorry. This sounds so stressful. Any chance you can take half days so eking out that leave?

eyestightshut · 17/11/2013 22:06

So sorry to hear you are going through this. It's lovely that he is feeling up to a good meal though - these are the things you will remember and cherish x

VivaLeBeaver · 20/11/2013 20:12

Dads still with us.

Though he's not really woken up today. Yesterday he was only waking to vomit.

He's in more pain and has now been started on morphine and anti sickness drugs through a syringe driver.

He hasn't eaten or drunk for two days.

OP posts:
TiredDog · 20/11/2013 20:40

Has anyone talked to you about time? I'm not knowledgeable but from others in this situation I would suggest it's days now Viva. I'm so sorry x

toffeesponge · 20/11/2013 20:45

I am sorry to hear your father is more sleepy and not eating and drinking. It does sound similar to when my relative was in her last few days but equally I have read about patients who have seemed very poorly and then were up the next day eating, chatting, etc.

Remember to look after yourself as well.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 20/11/2013 20:48

Thinking of you and your family Viva. x

VivaLeBeaver · 20/11/2013 20:59

Tiredog, we were told it "could be days" about 10 days ago.

No one seems to know for sure but he's definitely worse now than a week ago and I can't imagine him perking up again now.

To be honest I hope it is days. For his sake.

Phone rang ten minutes ago and I really did think it was going to be a phone call to say I need to get back now.

Will be going back tomorrow unless I get phoned in the night.

OP posts:
toffeesponge · 20/11/2013 21:06

Will be thinking of you Viva Flowers.

JewelFairies · 20/11/2013 21:22
Thanks
LegoAcupuncture · 20/11/2013 21:27

Thinking of you and your family Viva.

I nursed DFIL in his last days. He never woke for the last two days before he died apart from small vocal outbursts. I was told by a Macmillan nurse to apply Vaseline onto his lips as his lips would be very dry and also gave him water using small sponge lolly type things (sorry can't remember their name).

The main thing is that his pain is manageable and he knows he is loved with his family around him.

BellaVita · 20/11/2013 21:28

Thinking of you and your dad Viva x

VivaLeBeaver · 20/11/2013 21:32

We got some of the lolly sponge things today.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
RVPisnomore · 21/11/2013 13:10

Thinking of you at this difficult time Viva. X

noarguments · 21/11/2013 22:34

Went through this with my Mum earlier this year.

We used the lolly things too.

Don't have anything else helpful to say, its such an awful time.
The carers/nurses will know when the time is near. Look on the Macmillan website for what to expect in the final days.

Be kind to yourself.

VivaLeBeaver · 22/11/2013 23:00

Just got home.

GP tried to get him into a hospice today but there's no beds.

I've looked at stuff on the Internet of signs of last few hours and he has all of them, has done for two days. His breathing a really bad, irregular and gasping. Have just got in and will return in the morning.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 22/11/2013 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LegoAcupuncture · 22/11/2013 23:22

You must be exhausted. Try get some sleep so you're stronger for tomorrow. Are you eating? Have you eaten today?