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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

Original poster

Co-parenting with a friend?

7 replies

SarahAndQuack · 29/08/2024 20:26

I know this section gets very little footfall - but at least it's footfall from people who actually might get this question! - has anyone experience of co-parenting with a gay male friend/friends? I started a thread in relationships with details, but I wanted to flag it up here in case anyone was around! Hope that is ok.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5153628-co-parenting-a-baby-with-a-friend-would-you-have-you

Co-parenting a baby with a friend. Would you? Have you? | Mumsnet

I'm currently mulling this one over. I am a non-biological mother to my 7-year-old DD who is wonderful. I tried for another one a couple of times when...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5153628-co-parenting-a-baby-with-a-friend-would-you-have-you

OP posts:
Whatatodo79 · 30/08/2024 08:29

We used an anonymous donor, and wouldn't have used a friend, partly as don't have one suitable and partly as I'd be worried about built in extra complications. How old is this man, and what does his partner think?

matchaleaf · 30/08/2024 09:18

Have messaged you!

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 30/08/2024 13:21

Whatatodo79 · 30/08/2024 08:29

We used an anonymous donor, and wouldn't have used a friend, partly as don't have one suitable and partly as I'd be worried about built in extra complications. How old is this man, and what does his partner think?

My DD was conceived with an anonymous donor. I wanted someone to co-parent with, this time round. He's 17 years older than me, and his partner is happy/excited too. (I am aware that his age, and my age, might mean we struggle anyway; I'm also aware of medical complications. I'm more bothered about the human dynamics.)

OP posts:
newleafontheplantjohn · 30/08/2024 13:28

I don't blame you wanting someone to co-parent with.

However, a couple of issues I can see:

  1. your new child would have a dad but your DD doesn't? That could be difficult for her.

  2. your friends OH could become resentful.

  3. you could become resentful as you would want him to take on more of the load...which he might do...then his OH becomes resentful... it's a bit of a vicious cycle, I think.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 30/08/2024 15:52

newleafontheplantjohn · 30/08/2024 13:28

I don't blame you wanting someone to co-parent with.

However, a couple of issues I can see:

  1. your new child would have a dad but your DD doesn't? That could be difficult for her.

  2. your friends OH could become resentful.

  3. you could become resentful as you would want him to take on more of the load...which he might do...then his OH becomes resentful... it's a bit of a vicious cycle, I think.

Well, my DD has two parents; this baby would have two parents?

His DP could become resentful, but he seems quite keen on the idea so far.

OP posts:
Roxietrees · 11/04/2025 20:08

What kind of legal agreement would you have in place? I co-parent with my ex and it is hell - when I have DD it’s HARD work as I’m a single mum and she’s v young & when I don’t have her I miss her like crazy. I feel like it’s a no-win situation. I also can’t stand the thought of my ex being in my life forever. Obvs this guy isn’t your ex therefore doesn’t come with the emotional baggage of a relationship break-up but I’ve known of a lot of people go into similar arrangements the best of friends, with great intentions just for it all to change once the child comes along (eg. One person gets more attached and seeks more contact, then lawyers start getting involved, then the co-parent relationship crumbles, which is shit for the child). Don’t mean to be so negative but if I was you I’d think long and hard about what custody arrangement you want then agree it with him and get it down on a legal document that can’t be backed out of before you even start trying

Roxietrees · 11/04/2025 20:12

Also, just wondering - you said in a PP your DD has 2 parents - so you had your DD with a female partner? Have you now separated from her? If not why would you want to co-parent with someone else if there’s 2 of you? I could see that that could cause some issues between your first DD and next baby if that is the case

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