Why aren't i pregnant yet?

[PLOPSY]

My partner & i have been trying to have a baby since June 06(me to be bio mummy, she to be non-bio mummy) with the trusty assistance of a lovely gay male friend. Apart from 3 of my cycles, we've tried every time i am supposedly fertile on average, 2-3 times per cycle with a plastic syringe. Sperm is driven over to us immediately & insemination attempted by us at home following advice where we have managed to find it. There is next to no advice handy on how to get pregnant this way! We've read bits of Rachel Pepper's book but there's not a lot else out there. I had fertility test 4 months ago & was told all is fine & am ovulating. My cycles are about 24-25 days long. The donor hasn't had a sperm test but am going to ask him to if i am not pregnant this time - he's already offered to do this. I am 34 years old & have always been active & fit. SO WHY AREN'T I PREGGERS?? Beginning to get to me. Can any other gay girls who are mummies out there please provide me with any top tips on this? I know it's possible as an aquaintence of mine became pregnant 1st time this way.
Many thanks to all.
Plopsy xxx

how are you judging when you are ovulating?

have you read toni weschler's how to take charge of your fertility (if not, you should .. its not a getting pregnant guide but more of a guide to the woman's body and how to judge things)

have you charted (kept records of date of periods and date of ovulation and date of insemination to rule out any luteal phase defect)

has sperm been tested for fertility?

remember that you haven't actually been trying that long

average length of time to conceive first child is 18 months .. which means for some people they'll get pg immediately and for others it'll take 3 years

chance of getting pregnant each cycle is less than 25%

how long is the drive with the sperm?

good point actually

DH when sperm banking was allowed to ejaculate at home but told that he had to be at the sperm bank within 30 minutes and that sperm should optimally be kept warm (between thighs) for the journey

the things I post about

Have no idea about how to go about it but I would imagine it might work better if your gay friend (how can i put this?) was at least in the house rather than driving the sperm over to you then you can inseminate immediately (pretty much) of course iot depends if your friend feels comfortable enough to ejaculate at your house but then if he's letting you use his sperm i guess he must be a good mate and might give you more of a chance? (sorry if i've just put my foot in it, I really have no idea and am trying to be helpful)

this is about the time that a couple would be tested for infertility issues, around a year after starting to try to conceive....

some women get pregnant first try, some can take two years, and often there is no rhyme nor reason

agree having the sperm test and also checking when you are ovulating, is a good idea

Twig, I think there was a thread on here once about this wasn't there? maybe a few years ago.....(with tips etc.)

you and me both twig having a baby is such a great experience everyone should be free to do it if they want to i think.

Good luck!!

By dot1 on Tue 28-Oct-03 16:26:22
Hello! Can't believe I missed this thread..! Having conceived twice via syringe and yoghurt pot (dp the first time and me now) I can possibly help. We got our syringe - you get a 'starter pack' from an organisation called Pink Parents. They've got a website, which I think is www.pinkparents.org (or com), and you can buy the starter pack for not very much. You'll get a syringe and ovulation charts and some info. for the mum-to-be and donor re: using a clean pot etc. We didn't sterilise stuff - you just need a clean dry (this is very important as water kills sperm!) yoghurt pot. Sperm can live for several hours, but I agree with Dadslib - the first 10 minutes are really the most crucial - requires a bit of expert time management! The advice Pink Parents gives is to get the sperm within 20 minutes at the most and keep it warm while it's in the pot! You could also get a syringe from a chemist - just say you need one to give medicine to your baby (or from a vets, saying you need to give medicine to your cat!). You don't need to have an orgasm (our children are proof of this - we were too busy giggling!) but it probably helps..! I think it helped (but who knows) to lie with a pillow under your bum for 15 - 20 minutes afterwards - this again is what Pink Parents recommend. Good luck to your friend -and any more advice I'd be happy to help!

I searched on 'artificial insemination' by the way

dot still posts but think she changed her name

don't give up hope, took me 3 yrs of shagging to get my dd5!!

Prob could be best if your friend was at your place, to make sure the sperm is fresh.
It could help?

Hi Plopsy. I got pregnant this way - so it does work! However, it can take longer than getting pg the 'normal' (i.e. heterosexual) way because you will usually be doing fewer inseminations than straight women are having sex, and there is always the risk that you are getting the timing wrong. I was much older than you, but it took me 14 months to conceive. If I've understood you right, you have inseminated for eight cycles - that really isn't very long, so be patient. But in the meantime:

1. Yes, get your donor's sperm checked. It's so quick and simple to do, it doesn't make sense not to.

1. Read the Toni Weschler book, as Twig suggests. You really do need to know your own cycle, and time insemination for just before and at ovulation. Don't assume you ovulate halfway through your cycle - I conceived dd on day 9 of a 28 day cycle.

1. Completely agree with others on getting your donor to produce the goods in the same house as you, if possible. You want to use the sperm as soon as possible after it liquifies.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt (or rather, baby) on lesbian babymaking, so look forward to hearing how you get on

Hello there Plopsy, nice to see you here...

Having an orgasm apparently really ups the chances of conception - something to do with the way the cervix responds, but can't remember the detail

Good luck
xxx

GOODNESS ME!! What a huge response. Thank you all for being so helpful!

I will certainly get the Toni Weschler book u suggest. We have been using the childrens' plastic medicine syringe. For at least 6 months I charted my temperature each morning but to be honest, sticking a thermometer in your mouth every day was a bit stressful because if i ever forgot of a morning, i thought 'oh i've buggered things up now' - so i stopped doing this. So I chart my periods & watch my 'spin' 2 C when it's the right consistency. GP said my ovulation day's probably day 10 so we insemnate on days 8, 10 & 12 or thereabouts. I also keep note of these dates too (I am a walking talking list maker!)

Sperm gets to us within 10-15 mins of production but we're using glass pots. So is plastic better afterall? We read plastic was not good & glass cleaner? Does the glass temperature kill the poor little tadpoles cause it is so cold then? Will defo give yoghurt pot a go instead next time!! Sperm always warm on arrival as i have been a bit bossy about this & given strict instructions to keep it in between their legs or in a nice warm pocket etc. Will suggest he ejaculates round our place though next time - he's
a poppet so sure he'll do that. We are sterilising each time with boiling water & ensuring all is bone dry.

I have always had minimum if 2 pillows under bottom when inseminating & make sure (ahem) i have an orgasm each time - sometimes twice . Sometimes i stay on the pillows, sometimes i prop myself up with legs in the air until i have lost feeling in my feet as i stay there for up to 50 minutes!! Still - it's good book-reading time for me & i am brought a cup of tea after so not all bad!!

I will definitely look into the Pink Parents site - thank you, as Rainbow Famlies weren't particularly helpful & just told me to talk to my GP.

Thanks for all being so sweet. Lovely to hear from others who have managed to do it this way - really heartening.
Plopsy
xxx

He sounds like agreat friend.
Took me and DH 6months after coming of the pill to get pregnant, i started going to sleep with knickers on and leaving his sperm inside all night [bleurgh]
messy.
Hope you get a BFP soon.

i just think all these measures, the bum lifting, orgasms, will help you, but you have to stay positive, as really is early days, and tbh, me and ex dh were at it say every other day right thru when i thought i was fertile, and like i say it took 3 yrs.

He can have a simple test to check his sperm, I think I had a vaginal scan, and they found no reason why i wasnt conceiving.

I left london, moved to the countryside, and 2 weeks later I conceived, in a camping site on the side of Glastonbury Tor LOL.

cool

He is a great friend - we've been friends with him for 10 years now & we realise how lucky we are for him to be so flexible about it all.

By the way, any top tips on excercising when trying to get pregnant? Usually go running 1-2 times a week but have slacked off as i don't want to take any chances. The downer to that is i know i am heavier & less toned (wobbly bum etc).

It's no biggy as am blessed with slim frame but i really miss the running as it is a great stress buster. Can i run just before insemination days? Can i run towards end of my cycle? Would this make any difference at all?

I LOVE MUMSNET ALREADY!!
Happy weekend.
Plopsy
xxx
PS - What's a 'DH'? Donor? Partner?

dh dear partner or dh dear husband.

or in my case now can substitute the d with dickface

I don't know anything about AI but I do know the heartbreak of AF returing each time. I got pregnant the 1st time (with dh)using pre-seed - its a sperm friendly lubricant. I have no idea wether this would help you or not but as Isay I am convinced it worked for me. Before I tried it we had been trying for 8 months and then 1st time using this it worked. You can buy it on Ebay.

Hi Plopsy. I conceived by IUI and so haven't had any experiencing of trying using fresh sperm but I do have a copy of this book if you would like to have it. You can email me at [email protected] and I would be quite happy to post it to you if you let me have the postage! It has lots of advice on fertility charting and insemination etc.

Good luck with it all x

Hi Plopsy - I'm the Dot1 that Twiglett quoted Dp and I both got pregnant in a similar way to you - took dp 2 months, took me 19! We got our donor (very good friend of dp's from school) to use a yoghurt pot and we went round to his house, usually within 10 minutes of him producing it so it was a fresh as possible. We had also each charted for about 6 months before trying to get pregnant.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things and just need to wait a bit longer - fingers crossed it'll happen for you very soon but I remember the frustration and heartache each time it didn't. In fact I'd just gone to my GP when I finally got pregnant.

Good luck and keep us posted or feel free to ask any questions!

Hi Plopsy,

We conceived DS this way - syringe and sample pot, so it can work. We got the Lisa Saffron book, but to be honest Mumsnet has been one of the biggest helps. Sperm was at least 20 mins old, prob 30mins, and it worked. And there was lots of leakage (makes me panic!), plus no pillow (back of car ) and no orgasm.

Do check ovulations signs - my cycle is around 26-30 days but I seem to ov day 17-18. So insem around day 14 would be a bit early. Some GPs seem to insist all luteal phases are 14 days , but a quick look on the conception site here will tell you better. Mine seems to be about 10 days.

Though I conceived first time, our story is a bit like Dots - DP has been trying at least 18 mths (have lost count now) with no baby, and no tests have shown a problem. It gives me hope to hear of people getting pregnant after a long time of trying. We've decided to go with increasing our chances as we really want a sibling, and so I've started again, and haven't had immediate success this time either. So our family has the irritatingly smug first time fertility and long drawn out cynical it'll never happen fertility. DS definitely helps my partner feel better over the latter.
Oh, and zinc supplements apparently do wonders for sperm, and even if he gets tested and it comes back low fertility there are loads of things you can do to improve that and it should only take 3 months to get better quality.

Oh and I have a thing that I never can get the syringes clean so I've gone to disposables - really cheap from medical suppliers on the net.

Really great to hear of other gay mums and mums to be - we're in a fairly hetero world (even more so since joining various baby groups), so its great to hear DS isn't the only one lucky enough to have 2 mums. I hope that this month works out for you, so you don't need any more of these tips. Fingers crossed!

ps - running - DP has tried whilst running, tried whilst avoiding running, avoided and tried yoga, gone teetotal, drank loads, etc. etc. - no bloody difference, but when she gave stuff up to conceive and it didn't work she was definitely more devastated and angry. Now she's not pregnant still, but at least she's enjoying her life. Paula Radcliffe got pregnant, so I'd enjoy your life. Fitness will help you when you're pregnant.

sorry to hijack but Dotty how are you? Is work mad with the latest U turn???