My ds wants to be a dd.

[Spidermama]

He has only just turned five but my ds is more 'girlie' than any girl I've met. He loves dresses and butterflies. He openly says he wants to be a girl. He has a picture of Marylin Monroe above his bed. He demanded a sewing machine for his 5th birthday present.

I know he's young, but he's very girlie.

I know that gender isn't as polarised as our society would have us believe and that it's a spectrum thing.

I wonder how best to care for him. I want him to be himself and I have no hang ups about whomever he turns out to be, BUT I worry for him because sad as it is society still isn't tolerant of girly boys. Esepcially during the school years.

On world book day, for example, he wanted to be a fairy god mother. He should have been a fairy god mother. He had all the kit, he would have thouroughly enjoyed it and done it brilliantly. But I gently dissuaded him as he's in reception, in a big primary school and I thought he'd be teased.

Was I right?

We live in Brighton by the way, Thank God!

Could you e-mail me at [email protected]

Spidermama - are you still around? I'd love to know what your DS is like now - 2 years since this thread was started. Still girly? Or has he changed?

hi Spidermama, are you still here? really interested to hear how your lovely ds is getting on now 2/3 years later?? if it's not rude to ask...

I remember being 5 or so and dressing up as the Policeman for our school play. A teacher asked if i wanted to give my costume to a boy(as it was a costume my Mum had bought me) but I kicked up a fuss and said no I was going to be the policeman! There was no doubt that it was a boy's costume rather than a girls. I didn't get teased but I did think it should have given my Mum and Dad an idea that I might turn out to be gay! :0

How lovely to see this thread ressurected all this time later.

DS is still the same. He has a lovely bunch of classmates and seems to hang out mainly with girls. Most of the boys 'just let him get on with it' in the words of his teacher.

We had a BBQ party at the weekend and he and his friend performed their Lady Gaga tributes very earnestly (and very well) while all us rat-arsed slightly tipsy parents clapped and cheered.

I worry less about him as time goes on because he seems so well able to handle himself.

One niggle - his oldest brother is a very boyish skate dude type of character and their relationship can be quite hard. I think DS1 might be embarrassed of him.
I am trying to think of things they can do together in the summer holidays. I've just booked ds2 into a Mama Mia drama workshop but somehow I don't think ds1 would fancy it.

spidermamam - lovely to hear your son is flourishing - mine is still just the same as well bless him - Lady GaGa is venerated as a near-deity in our house.

What is the age gap between your boys? my two are very close in age and DS1 is quite macho-agressive (and is 12, therefore we're waiting for a testosterone surge...)and therefore willing to pummle anyone being mean to ds2. ( I don't condone this, but there's a little bit of me that is secretly quite pleased that they look out for each other..)

Perseph hi!

DS1 is 10. I'm glad to hear your ds sticks up for his little brother. Sorry to say this isn't the case in my family. DS1 has been known to join in with his friends in slagging off ds2. DH and I come down very hard on this.

I was always very loyal to my brother and sister. No matter how much we argued at home, I would always stand up for them in the playground so DS1's attitude is quite upsetting and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Any advice?

This thread has been an interesting read, I have a DS about to start primary school who also loves to dress up in princess outfits and sing and dance. His preschool have been fantastic, it's absolutely not an issue there, but I've been getting myself quietly panicky about what the future holds for him. DP is mostly fine, but in his own words finds it 'difficult to actually help him into a dress' - I hope it won't put obstacles in their relationship. Now we have a 9 month DS who is already way more rambunctious than the first ever was, I think there's going to be a surge in testosterone in this household anyway.

Sorry to butt in, but wanted to say thanks for starting it!

Spidermama I have only recently joined MN so have only just read about your lovely son. I also have 2 sons, the younger of whom sounds very similar to your DS2, although he is much older. One of my happy memories of him is when, as a 4 year old, he used to have clothes shop staff in hysterics as he held skirts against me, putting his head on on side and pronouncing whether they suited me or not.

Now in his late teens, he is a delightful person as he has always been, flamboyant, loving, witty (and a fan of Lady Gaga). He and his older brother used to fight continuously through childhood but I don't think that was to do with their different interests as I see it occurring amongst many pairs of siblings. When DS2 told us (around 14 years) that he was gay, nobody was surprised and he and his older brother are great friends now and go out drinking together. He has loads of friends of both sexes and was always very popular at school. He was actually House Captain at his secondary school which I believe is unusual for someone who doesn't play sports!

I hope that you and JaM continue to get as much joy from your children as I have had from mine.

Spidermama Just a suggestion - both my boys were interested in water type sports and went on courses together in the holidays. Swimming of course, then later canoeing and wind surfing.

nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/