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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

Original poster

a mum in my son's class fancies me.

35 replies

ShadyLady · 11/03/2007 20:29

name change for this

I am quite an open minded liberal type. Since preschool I have known that one of the parents of another little boy was gay. she had been in a relationship with another woman. As time went on they split up and she got together with another woman. This was all confusing to her and we chatted and I was supportive and kind, when we saw each other at social things and children's parties I always made an effort.

There was one incident where a very Christain woman had 'words' with her and I stuck up for her and helped resolve the situation.

Another friend went out for a drink with her the other week and they got really drunk and the gay friend told the mutual friend that she really fancies me and has done for ages.

I don't really know what to do - do I ignore it or talk to her or avoid her or what?

I feel really weird about this one.

OP posts:
Dior · 11/03/2007 20:30

Message withdrawn

ThisTime · 11/03/2007 20:31

Are you single Shady? Do you like her?

foxinsocks · 11/03/2007 20:32

gawd, why did mutual friend tell you and can you rely on mutual friend's recollection if they were both pissed?

perhaps it's just a crush and she never intends on acting on it and it's just a 'thing'

Original poster
ShadyLady · 11/03/2007 20:33

no I am not single - I have been married for ages - albeit with rocky patches and I have talked to her a bit about this so am sure she thinks I am unhappy although I am not.

If it was a man I would go bright red whenever I saw him and try not to speak to him but she is my friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadyLady · 11/03/2007 20:34

mutual friend claims that she wa a bit tipsy but the woman in question was really drunk and poured out her heart re the situation and how long she had liked me etc.

OP posts:
Snaf · 11/03/2007 20:35

You don't have to do anything - except perhaps be a little flattered

You're straight, she's gay. Unless you fancy her back it's never going to come to anything so why worry? Just be her friend as you always have been.

lulumama · 11/03/2007 20:36

take it as something flattering..always nice to know someone other than your spouse fancies you...also nice to have a flirt, but make it clear it is not going anywhere !! shame if it stopped you being friends....

Original poster
ShadyLady · 11/03/2007 20:38

I think it might stop us being friends though as I don't know how to react to her - esp. as think she will know that mutual friend will have spilled. shame is that she has a rough time and it looks like she is splitting up with current girlfriend and she really needs support. She seems stressed and has lost weight and I feel like I can't talk to her now as things I say might be read differently.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 11/03/2007 20:38

I agree, this shouldn't stop you being friends

Gay women undoubtedly fancy quite a few of their mummy-friends, it doesn't stop them from being friends! She isn't mentally undressing you all the time you are chatting about spag bol recipes. Unless she is living in a bush at the bottom of your garden and your pet rabbit is missing, then just carry on as normal, and be glad that you are not a hideous old crone that no one dribbles over any more.

Original poster
ShadyLady · 11/03/2007 20:39

I don't like this name change business - first time I have done it and feel really uncomfortable.

Am going to 'come out' (excuse pun!)

OP posts:
lulumama · 11/03/2007 20:39

don;t react to her in any way that is different to normal ! she knows you are straight and married, and are not looking for anything more with her..she will feel doubly abandoned if her girlfriend leaves and you are no longer her friend.

zippitippitoes · 11/03/2007 20:39

well really it's the same as if any single person said they fancied someone married/in a relationship you aren't interested but she probably realises that and won't say anytyhing when sober so pretend you weren't told

if she does say something nmake it clear uou aren't interested or something

I don't think you need to do anything else unless you are tempted to start an affair in which case you need to behave as you would in any similar situation curb yoiur enthusiasm

morningpaper · 11/03/2007 20:40

Shadylady, if you are feeling bad about it, then just be honest with her, tell her what you heard and how you feel about it, and get it out in the open, have a laugh and move on.

DimpledThighs · 11/03/2007 20:41

there that's better - am me again.

No wouldn't have an affair and I am not gay, just very uncomfortable.

(am I going to regret disclosing myself?)

foxinsocks · 11/03/2007 20:41

well then have it out with her

seems a shame to lose a friend over something like that, esp from 3rd hand info

tell her you're flattered but you won't be able to reciprocate and you really want to be there for her through her difficult time

DimpledThighs · 11/03/2007 20:42

thank you for all the advice and support.

I will do as morning paper said I guess but I feel like I won't be able to be there for her in the same way as before.

foxinsocks · 11/03/2007 20:43

why though?

(sorry mp - wasn't copying your post, just x-posted and not as quick at typing!)

lulumama · 11/03/2007 20:43

why would you regret disclosing yourself? you;ve said nothing wrong !

zippitippitoes · 11/03/2007 20:46

I think it's quite easy to get in this situation when you are synpathetic to someone they are vulnerable and cross purposes can follow..don't let it hold back from being friends but if she feels she can't be just friends then accept it..some people can and some just can't

morningpaper · 11/03/2007 20:47

Dimpledthighs I'm not sure why you feel uncomfortable? Is she a bit ... ermm psychotic?

That sounds harsh but you know what I mean

DimpledThighs · 11/03/2007 20:49

well lots of reasons. One thing is that her current g/f has been physically abusive to her and I have told her that she should get out of this relationship and I feel very strongly that she could but she told mutual friend that maybe I was being persausive because I fancied her and my motives for them splitting up were different. It seems that she sees a relationship between us as possible and even wanted form my side. Now I feel tht my advice and support has been misconstrued as me fancying her and I am all confused.

My instinct is to completely back away (hence not be supportive in the same way) but I know that is the wrong thing to do.

DimpledThighs · 11/03/2007 20:50

she is very um, emotional and runs things at a hard pace - hence the abusive relationship tbh. She is kind of strong willed and has got into diffculties inthe past.

Lots of people do not speak to her because of past arguments.

DimpledThighs · 11/03/2007 20:51

so MP - yes, kind of.

morningpaper · 11/03/2007 20:53

Ah well if she is bonkers then I would maintain a professional distance

zippitippitoes · 11/03/2007 20:53

are you or were you a friend or a well meaning person...sounds a bit like the latter

if you both have different ideas of the relationship then being just friends sounds not possible

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