is it possible to use known donor sperm through a clinic?

[drivingmisscrazy]

OK - I've been on here loads of times . We have a DD of 23 months, conceived using a known donor. He had said that he couldn't donate again because of his partner, but after a long and complex set of conversations he seems to have changed his mind . Last time we did it DIY and it took about 7 goes (one mmc :( and a couple of off-timings). But DP is now nearly 3 years older and because of logistics (KD is in the UK, we are not, much harder to travel at short notice with a toddler etc) we want to use KD's sperm through a clinic. He will be happy to waive parental responsiblity, but does anyone know if this is possible - for him to donate at a clinic in the UK and then ship his sperm to our clinic here in Ireland?

any help very gratefully received

Hi dmc, I investigated this a few years back, and found that it is technically possible but in practice pretty tough. The clinics are very, very risk-averse, plus they want to quarantine the sperm for six months, and the best I could get was that they would consider my request at the ethics clinic. I decided not to push it to that, but it would be worth you ringing them to talk it through - they may have relaxed with the passing of time or the demise of the HFEA, possibly?

Best ones to approach, I think, are the London Womens Clinic, and the two Harley St ones run by Ian Craft and Dr Tarassini (sorry I can't remember the clinic names, should be easy to find on the internet, but if you struggle come back to me because I'm sure I've got it written downsomewhere). The first has got a long history of being sympathetic to lesbian mothers (even when I worked there, which is nearly 20 years ago); the last two are rather less conservative and risk-averse than most clinics.

I'll be really interested to hear if you get somewhere with this. Best of luck x

thanks hester - I think that we might be better off getting him over here to donate as the regulations aren't quite so strict here. We already have a child from him - it may be that it's now too late, but we will see what we can work out. Otherwise, it might be back to the specimen pot and syringe...

I've just talked to the clinic and they will not allow known donor sperm, except from a clinic in California. And no clinic here will, apparently. So it's back to the DIY method, then - but hopefully with a medicated cycle. I think it would be too complex, too costly and too slow for us to use a UK clinic -

Sorry to hear that, dmc. Another example of how the UK fertility industry is totally ungeared to how lesbians make babies! We get forced down an overly medicalised route that is damn expensive and doesn't recognise men in any role other than full father or anonymous donor.

Best of luck with the yogurt pot. (I've still got mine; keep wondering whether I should bin it or dip it in gold!)

it's OK - in some ways probably better given the low success rates for IUI. There's no case for IVF unless it is medically indicated - so even if it doesn't work out, we won't be bankrupt AND sad.

I think that travelling to the UK would negate any logistical benefit for us; plus I think, given the various delays we've had and that DP is not a spring chicken, that we can't afford to wait 6 months.

thanks: it's a long and tortuous story really, but on balance I am happy he has decided to donate to us again - it does save us from the potential difficulties that might arise from having one child with an involved (ish) father and one without. I think both set-ups are fine and have their merits, but combining them in the same family is not ideal.

Will keep you posted! What's your age gap, as a matter of interest? DD will be 2 in Jan, so will be at or around 3 if it works out. That seems OK to me - would have preferred slightly smaller gap in some ways, but that's life. Will be grateful to get a gap at all, IYSWIM

sorry about mmc (we had one of those too); last time pg at 5th go (amazing how I am now not quite sure...), mmc at 10 weeks, that was jan, tried march and april, april was The One (who now spends her days saying things like 'mummies made that mess' :)) but we are now nearly 3 years further along aging eggs-wise, so we'll see. I have faith that it will work though

Our age gap is 4 years, which is very wide but actually I'm really happy with it. So far, very little sibling rivalry, and the dds are really thrilled with each other.

Incidentally, we have one child with an involved father, and one without (because latter adopted). That was a necessity for us, but I agree with you that it is a situation to be avoided if at all possible.

sorry to hijack but wanted to pick what sound like experienced brains.

where's a good starting point for looking at artificial insemination and how/where to get sperm?

am a single mum of one son, having a real wobble at the minute about wanting another child but ds's father is totally out of the picture so i'm thinking possibly that's a circumstance i'd need to recreate to be fair on ds. (though whether that's fair on another child i don't know - aaargghhh!)

anyway just thought you might know of orgs/websites/info resources that are good starting points.

good luck drivingmisscrazy - same donor sounds ideal - hope it all works out for you last q - are fertility drugs hard to access when you're not medically infertile?

Hester well, we would have done the anonymous thing if that was the only option we had, and dealt with the consequences, but I was a bit worried about it, and how we would explain it in years to come. Adoption is a whole set of different issues, I would have thought - you have 2 children with very different stories; we were looking at 2 children with the same narrative, essentially, but one with a father and one without.

second lenin - clinics will treat single women (if I've understood you right...); the clinic will tell you if you need medication or not. Mostly they are pretty serious drugs which are risky to take without close supervision - no point having them if you don't need them.

If you look at some of the other threads in this section you'll find discussions of various methods of obtaining donor sperm (sites etc)

thinking traceable at 18 is fine - same as ds will have the right to trace his father if he wishes to when he's older and i'll help him and support him through it.

just wondered if there was a source of informations with info on how it works, what the laws are, etc.

fertility drugs was just about improving chances - don't have fertility problems as far as i'm aware but am 35 and have really long cycles of over 40 days so less opportunities iyswim.

x posted. thanks.

so it is legal and ok now then? not you have to be married or in a civil partnership etc?

is it very expensive? sorry lots of q's

have been reading the LWC info. it reads like it has to be your husband's sperm or a completely anonymous sperm donor?

thanks lenin. not saying this is definitely what i want to do but think i need to explore my options and know a bit about it.