15 y/o DS thinks he's transgender

[DaringRedLemur]

My 15 year old son has recently told me that he is transgender. For context he is very academic and has a great interest in (concerningly right-wing) politics and strategy games (So much so that he has an odd flag from one of his games up in his room). He has some friends who seem similar to him, although when he was younger he was bullied quite harshly. I've known he was gay for half a year, and while he wasn't an obviously flamboyant gay type i wasn't exactly shocked when he came out to me. However, recently he's told me that he believes he's transgender. I was somewhat suspicious when he told me since he never really showed any signs beforehand, though he has had several "secret" items of women's clothing in his room for about a year. I suggested changing his name or wearing women's clothing at home but he was skeptical since he worried that his friends wouldn't accept him, and said he didn't want to dress up as a girl in public till he was in 6th form (he's in year 10 now). I brought up the fact that it wasn't possible for him to take hormones until he was 16-17 due to the laws surrounding those kind of things and he seemed to be fine with that but did say that he would like to take them eventually. Is there anything else I should do? How can I help him?

We are not transphobic we just don’t want our children pumped full of drugs, medically mutilated or captured by a cult.

@TheEarlOfLemongrab2 That 'article' was written by two authors who interestingly have not written any other article for the site. Suffice to say, it is highly suspect and highly biased by trans activists/cultists. Bayswater offers a lot of help to parents whose children are in this grip of this dangerous social contagion. It has been an invaluable source to parents in helping keep their children safe.

If you are going to ignore detransitioners and their story at these gender clinics, WPATH Files, Tavistock testimonies, the respected Mayo Clinic who says puberty blockers (and cross sex hormones) are irreversible and cause enormous health issues such as Osteoporosis in your 20s, arrested development of the frontal cortex/intelligence, narrow spinal cord, genital atrophy and urinary and faecal incontinence and the numerous articles those in the know have written, such as Gender-Affirming Care Is Dangerous. I Know Because I Helped Pioneer It.’ ) https://www.thefp.com/p/gender-affirming-care-dangerous-finland-doctor ) then we can do the same, especially when it's a dubious article by clear trans activists with an agenda with no other articles to their name on a journalism site.

Also Stonewall UK is a very dangerous organisation who have/are pushing advice that is against the law, and call gay people "Sexual Racists" if lesbians don't take 'lady cock'. No one worth their salt, no matter which side you are on, would ever advocate Stonewall. Advising against speaking to Stonewall is the wisest advice to give. That you have an issue with that shows you have an agenda and that agenda is not to help children and youth.

sometimes people don't wanna share their kids' personal info where anyone can read it :)

Reach out to a medical expert. This forum is heavily conservative and rather transphobic, skip it if you're after neutral and evidence based advice.

This forum is a left wing feminist site. There is no 'transphobia' on here. Evidence based information is what this site is all about. So stop gaslighting, thanks.

There is a guy called Ritchie Herron. He was gay and quiet and turned out to have ASD. He thought he might be a girl and went all the way with transitioning. Then realised he was a confused gay man who had been affirmed instead of questioned and listened to. He is suffering life long consequences.

If you Google his name you'll find articles and interviews and YouTube channel.

You sound very supportive. Ignore the unhelpful messages here. Keep talking to your son and make sure he knows you love him whatever path he chooses to take.
If he’s ready, it would be a good idea for him to talk to your GP.

Encourage your son to find his authentic self by exploring what his interests are in the real world,
reduce time online
connect with real people who do real things
rather than talk about a female name, hormones etc I would validate he feels odd in his own skin, but not engage in the trans talk, I would actively support to help him develop his relationship with himself positively that doesn’t involve the ‘I was born in the wrong body’ bollocks

You are literally ‘anyone’

hey OP

I would point out that anyone who is trying to stop you posting on mumsnet probably doesn’t have your best interests at heart

Yes, feminism is very progressive.

Could your son be autistic? Some of his behaviours sound as though he could possibly be ?

There seems to be a strong link with autism in young people and believing they're trans, simply because they know they do not fit in but not sure why or how.

A few people are saying others on here are trabsphobic. I don't personally believe it is trabsphobic. The trans movement is a belief. It isn't actually a fact based diagnosis. Thats scary when it involves chopping off healthy breasts, penises and mutilating vaginas. Add to that potentially ruining fertility and hopes of any healthy relationship. Dating isn't the be all and end all, but it is often an area of importance for young people - if you're son is say going from a "gay man " to a "straight transwoman" he's got to find a "straight man" that doesn't mind dating a non female 'woman' - that's going to be tricky isn't it ?

If we're talking fully grown adults, they are going into their beliefs with their eyes wide open. Young people are potentially damaging their bodies and relationships with themselves and others. Goodness knows what damage hormones and puberty blockers do to developing bodies. We don't really know for sure yet.

We can pretend that nobody ever did this for the wrong reasons. But young people do cling on to a popular movement to rebel or to try to fit in or be different because they feel like they're a misfit.

I can see exactly why there's a push against the movement. There is plenty of reason to be frightened for your child in this circumstance. I don't think any of that fear and scepticism is rooted in transphobia.

excellent informative post 👍

As well as getting him off the internet - where he's probably being groomed - can you get him involved in real life hobbies where he interacts with all sorts of girls, boys, and men & women (chess club for a nerdy boy? or amateur dramatics?)

Ideally, a hobby where he has to use his body in real life, and realise he has a strong good capable body, and can see boys & men like him, would be great. Theatre or dance are fabulous for this. He needs to live in his perfect body and cherish it, not fantasise that he's something else.

Id be querying the odd flag?what does it symbolise and how did he acquire it.
Could it be Neo Nazi?

The grooming of young gay boys as "transwomen" is a thing and it's horrendous. It's a dark side of a very small minority of adult gay men, but it is a thing.

Why are you facilitating this nonsense OP.

This is what I’m thinking, if he’s right wing leaning then sounds like “transing away the gay” and ROGD

Accepting, calm and fully supporting who he is - what he likes, what he likes to do. Telling him that men can like and do many varied things. That he might not be trans - just a man in touch with his feminine side.
He is perfect, and well loved, just as he is.

This is worth a read op

https://www.rogdboys.org/boy-profile

Have a look into rapid onset gender dysphoria (ROGD) in boys, also recommended reading some experiences by detransitioners like Richie Heron

I have a DC who said they were trans in their early teens.

It was very much based on identity and not feeling that they fit in with their peers. They went online in search of that feeling of belonging, and were welcomed and felt accepted by the trans community. So from that point they started to identify as trans.

I stayed mostly neutral in this, but kept talking with DC and keeping communication open. I did not dismiss their feelings or tell them they were wrong, but I did ask them lots of questions to help them think through what they were stating as fact.

During this time we saw CAMHS and they were diagnosed autistic. Now a young adult, they have decided they are not trans. Some in the trans community did not take this well.

Being out in the wider world (Uni and then work) they are exposed to much more real life stuff and have met lots of different people too. They also met many in the autistic community and felt supported there. I’ve encouraged DC to be the individual they are and accept themselves in all their quirky uniqueness rather than look to others for validation (who I felt were exploiting them in order to shore up their own doubts over identity or issues).

So TLDR - keep listening and communicating and consider if autism is a possibility.

Now a young adult, they have decided they are not trans. Some in the trans community did not take this well.

They never do. They turn on the one leaving the cult, as if they are some sort of 'traitor'. It truly is a cult with an us-vs-the-world and if-you-leave-us-you-are-the-enemy hive mind thought.

So many desistors and detransitioners get serious abuse and doxxing from the trans community. Just beware of that. If he gets in tight with the local trans and community and decides he is no longer trans, he sadly, is in for a world of pain, abuse, doxxing and hounding.

A flag from the strategy game he plays.