QueenBing, take a huge deep breath and relax. I have four adult children, two boys and two girls. I have a lot of experience with this child/blooming/confusing sexuality stage all kids experience and have been divorced. Too bad it doesn't come with a manual on how to navigate it - along with divorce.
First, the word "homoPHOBIC" is a ridiculously nonsensical word made up by people who can't find a better word to throw whatever anger, guilt and or blame they are experiencing on to another. It is a word wherein they try to assign a psychiatric diagnosis to, when the person who is simply turned off or has an "ewww" response, due to biology, when they see same sex persons fondling or having sex each other. CURIOUS and turned off does not equal a PHOBIA.
Second, I had a sister who was my father's "son". The girl could throw a baseball like a boy, was first a mail carrier for the USPostalService, then became a mechanic. Those were all done after puberty. She married another woman when she was 35. So I kind of understand and have empathy for those who tend toward the same sex. I love her to death and she is a terrific person, I have experienced how others have behaved out of their curiosity and or their ignorance; none of the people where afraid (as in homophobic) of her!
Third, growing up I wanted to be a boy between the ages of 8 and 15. Why? Because BOYS got to do cool things! They got to take auto mechanics (I am mechanically inclined)and woodshop in high school, they got to get into the military, they got to make more MONEY, they could do MATH so easily!!
Fourth, I wanted to be a boy because my STEP father was abusing me and I rationalized (rightly) that if I were a boy instead of a girl he would do so.
Fifth, one of my sons at age 14 became friends with a boy in high school who wore skirts and makeup. The child's parents allowed this boy to do this. My son befriended this young man in skirts and within 90 days my son THOUGHT he was homosexual. I simply looked at my son when he brought home this mixed up kiddo friend, and told him how kind he was to befriend his mixed up friend, but sexual relationships of whatever gender were not allowed before age 18 in our home. The relationship ended within a few weeks. The mixed up friend was in the middle of a parent split up that was a mess and no attention was being paid to the child, and one of the estranged parents encouraged their child's confusion and angst while the mother was saying "No", this isn't going to go in my house, as this is a mixed up KID and not an adult over 18-21. I do not know what happened to this mixed up boy who was a flash in my son's life. However, I DO know what happened to my son: he is as male as he can be and has had numerous girlfriends, no other boyfriends to my knowledge, and is now married with a baby on the way at age 29. He laughs with me saying "All I wanted was to have sex and I was too afraid of girls at that age and he was willing..but honestly, Mom, I just needed a friend too, as you and Dad were going through your divorce and everything was upsidedown".
Sixth, one of my daughters at age 13-14 decided she was "bisexual". I asked her why she felt this way. She says: "Because I love everyone and think women's bodies are lovely!". This daughter was an artist. Went to an art and science based high school and then became an artist, working as an illustrator for video games, making more money than most men these days. She had had classes in art high school (and later art college) sketching nudes of women; so she actually looked at the human body as "art". So I told her, "I think most women think a woman's body is beautiful, I do; but I also think men's bodies are beautiful too, don't you?" She affirmed she thought that men's bodies were also beautiful. This daughter was sandwiched between two brothers, and was the third born. She is now married, owns horses and chickens. When we have spoken of her "younger thoughts"...she tells me she decided she liked men better once she turned 15-16 and her "boobs" finally grew in.
Sorry this is so long, but when a child between 7-16 are also seeing parents in divorce the dynamics of home change terribly. The age of 10-16 are the worst part of growing up and kids - UNLESS they are given STRONG leadership and boundaries will do all sorts of very very strange things. Even without divorce, kids will do all sorts of REALLY screwy things either for attention, or for feeling "loved", or in a place they may "belong", or for feeling power in a situation where hormones make them feel out of control.
An ex who does the opposite of what you would do is the reason you got divorced in the first place. Let him flop around as all he is doing is trying to get you upset and pull power plays - exactly what mine did, until I blew him off and simply didn't speak with him. If he wasn't a jerk you would still be married to him.
YOU be the strong one for your daughter. Take the tape away and talk to her about it and how she is feeling. Explain to her she can do whatever she wants, make her own choices and conclusions, after she is 18 years old. Explain to her you are responsible for her in every way while she is living under your roof and or until she is 18. Tell her she was born her daughter, she is a girl and that growing up is very very confusing, divorce is confusing; take her time. I would not allow her overnights with girls or boys, period. She is too young and you need to be the leader for a very confused and difficult period in her YOUNG life.
Seventh (sorry): I have taken children to psychiatrists, psychologists and all they have done (99%) is nothing. You know your child better than ANYONE, do not doubt your instincts.
Good luck, hang in there. This will be but a memory too soon.