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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

Is this backpack okay for my 14 year old son?

40 replies

AmazingAs1987 · 07/10/2023 08:06

My son identifies as a femboy (feminine boy) and I want to be as supportive as possible however I'm worried kids at school will give him a rough time. He really wants this backpack and I'm more than happy to buy it for him however I'm just worried about kids at school. Should I go ahead and buy it anyway? What should I do?

Is this backpack okay for my 14 year old son?
OP posts:
Singleandproud · 07/10/2023 08:13

For a start it doesn't look big enough for a school bag.

It depends where you live and on his social standing within school.

If you live somewhere like Brighton it would probably be fine but elsewhere I expect not.
If he is generally popular at school then possibly but if he is already an outlier with a history of having been bullied then absolutely not. It's like putting a target on his back.
If he does get bullied what is his mental health like, strong and robust or shaky? How resilient is he?

Whilst our children should be encouraged to embrace themselves the teenage years are also about survival. A bag like that would be better worn on social occasions to comic cons etc or once at College when people tend to be freer to express themselves.

YourNameGoesHere · 07/10/2023 08:17

It's not even remotely big enough for a school bag for a secondary school pupil so regardless of any other point it would be a no from me.

Although my stance as a parent would have absolutely no bearing on how my child identified I'd just buy him a black one, it should be a practical school bag not a fashion statement.

Original poster
AmazingAs1987 · 07/10/2023 08:19

sorry that was my bad, he just told me he wants it for going out with friends and stuff.

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 07/10/2023 08:19

I think its fine, kids are much more accepting of kids who are different and expressing themselves through clothing and accessories

Soontobe60 · 07/10/2023 08:19

Sorry, he would be ripped to shreds!
I’m assuming you mean you have a gay son, which is lovely. But 14 year old girls also wouldn’t be seen dead with that bag in school - they too would be ripped to shreds.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 07/10/2023 08:20

I would think it is not age appropriate. It looks like something for a little girl, especially given the size, rather than something for a teenager.

dizzygirl1 · 07/10/2023 08:20

Both DCs schools have a 'black only' rule for school bags. So it's a no from me for that reason. I also don't think it looks anywhere near big enough for school.

ThoughtEvokingReflectiveFemale · 07/10/2023 08:24

“My 14 year old son likes this bag for school. Do you think it’s suitable?” just doesn’t garner the same special attention does it.

MariePaperRoses · 07/10/2023 08:25

It's childish rather than girly!

Something with girly colours but more age appropriate would be better.

Doje · 07/10/2023 08:25

If he wants it, and you can afford it, just get it for him!

Echobelly · 07/10/2023 08:28

Oh if it's just for going out, I think that's fine, I presume he expresses himself otherwise in 'femme' fashion so presumably the bag alone isn't going to draw attention.

Nortam · 07/10/2023 08:29

At 14 he's old enough to decide for himself. I do understand your concerns though.

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/10/2023 08:30

If he really wants it, I'd buy it. He must know what some kids' reactions will be and he obviously doesn't care, which is great isn't it?

Original poster
AmazingAs1987 · 07/10/2023 08:36

Nortam · 07/10/2023 08:29

At 14 he's old enough to decide for himself. I do understand your concerns though.

yeah lol i mean I kind of let him wear anything as long as it doesnt get him like attacked or anything

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 08:38

Why are you worried about the reaction of the kids at school if he's not going to be using it as a school bag?

MidnightOnceMore · 07/10/2023 08:39

AmazingAs1987 · 07/10/2023 08:19

sorry that was my bad, he just told me he wants it for going out with friends and stuff.

Then it is fine.

Anyone can wear anything they like. He's old enough to choose.

Passthecake30 · 07/10/2023 08:40

It’s too small for a school bag. Does he like manga, as in watch it and draw it? Surely there’s a manga bag that’s a little more age appropriate.

Needmorelego · 07/10/2023 08:41

In my 15 year old daughter's circle of friends it would be fine and they'd all love it.

HairyKitty · 07/10/2023 08:42

Why does he think feminine means he needs a pink bag? Thats rather a gender stereotype.
Why has PP suggested that a feminine male is gay?? Yet another tired old stereotype

YourNameGoesHere · 07/10/2023 08:42

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 08:38

Why are you worried about the reaction of the kids at school if he's not going to be using it as a school bag?

Exactly. Why even mention the school kids if they aren't necessarily going to even see it.

To be honest I'm surprised he needs or wants a bag for going out day to day most people these days just take their phones.

MidnightOnceMore · 07/10/2023 08:42

AmazingAs1987 · 07/10/2023 08:36

yeah lol i mean I kind of let him wear anything as long as it doesnt get him like attacked or anything

Show quote history

I understand the fear. It's hard for parents not to worry.

Is your area a tough area? If so at 14 he's also old enough to have a proper chat about how he wants to approach the risks.

HairyKitty · 07/10/2023 08:44

Yep, there’s a difference between safety (your decision) and choosing to expose yourself to bullying (joint decision).

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 08:44

To be honest I'm surprised he needs or wants a bag for going out day to day most people these days just take their phones

Yeah I don't know any 14 year olds who do take out a bag, everything they need is usually in their phone.

Creepybookworm · 07/10/2023 08:47

Why does he equate feminine with 'little girlness'?

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