Trans Child

[kiwiwatermelonsugar]

I just need some advice and support on here.

My 15 year old daughter (I don't know if she's still that??) has literally just come out as trans this morning. Wants me to use He/They pronouns but I'm still struggling to come about how exactly I'm supposed to do that. I don't even get They pronouns at all. Or the idea of making pronouns seem like something huge anyway.

I'm just so confused because I thought I supported Trans people despite having some issues with women's voices being silenced over their rights but I'm just finding it so difficult when it's my own child. I never really expected it to be honest but I'm trying to sort myself out for when she comes home as she's currently revising with her friends.

She said she wants to start using a binder and wants to cut her hair and dress more masculine. I'm fine with the cutting of hair and dressing the way she likes but the binder thing worries me - surely that's dangerous, I mean kids have broken ribs and stuff if they're this young. Wants to start hormonal pills as well. 😥

I feel like she needs to wait till she's at least 18 because she's so young and decisions change so easily. But she wants to start now. She says she's been trans for about 3 months which is long enough to her but I don't think it is. I know it's selfish but I'm just mourning my little girl. I'm a single mum and I have 3 younger boys aged 9, 7 and 1 and there isn't really any family who can help me. I don't want to reveal to friends yet as I need time to process.

It's very on trend. It suddenly gives you power over others. They ALL have to call you what you say otherwise they will be accused of genocide or misgendering (apparently both as bad as each other). Being trans gives lots of attention.

Be calm and listen but ask her to wait for medical changes or binding. Watch with her some of the videos of girls who have medically and chemically changed their bodies and regret it now showing the damage done.

Does she crave more attention? Is she depressed? Autistic? Lots of people ont he spectrum think they are in the 'wrong body'...

Lastly, it's a bit of a social contagion thing at the moment, hopefully it will pass as children watch how other children have been mutilated to 'change to the other sex' impossible anyway.

some of the advice on here is awful. Don’t let transphobics dictate how to help your child. Go to the doctors and get some real professional advice.

Getting advice from a doctor may well be a sensible part of moving forward here OP, including possibly getting a second opinion and pushing them to evidence any advice they give. Sadly many NHS Trusts are still in thrall to the Stonewall - who have shown themselves to not have a safeguarding first approach to matters (understatement!)

I would particularly draw your attention to the following from the NHS:

Little is known about the long-term side effects of hormone or puberty blockers in children with gender dysphoria. Although GIDS advises this is a physically reversible treatment if stopped, it is not known what the psychological effects may be.

Please do be careful about allowing your child to go down a path that leads to (potentially unnecessary) experimental treatment.

Gender dysphoria - Treatment - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

In terms of binding breasts, there doesn't seem to be any official advice on this from NHS but you might be interested to google breast flattening and what is said about that by various children's charities and abuse organisations.

Yes GP first then a referral and second opinion from there. Just to be clear the GP doesn’t just dish out hormones - additional specialist advice is needed as well.

Thankfully lots of GPs are now more cautious about referring, perhaps because they have read Time To Think by Hannah Barnes. This book described the horrors going on at GIDs.

but why have you got to ask her why she’s being attention seeking? personally (trans father) I would just acknowledge their identity, but not give them the transition pills / binder until I know that they’re going to be safe with them. If it is some big social contagion, then so be it, they’ll grow out of it. It’s wrong to generalise every trans kid as an attention seeker though.

I transitioned years ago. Im now 53 and didnt transition until i researched whats involved then had a year of counselling even before i got referred to a Gender Clinic.
Please do not let children transition. Its madness when so many grown up to regret their transitions and its heartbreaking to see. Now they are pushing trans in schools its dangerous and in my mind perverse to be pushing this on kids. Let kids be kids and not succumb to this Trans madness.
No child should be taking puberty blockers or wear binders.
There should not even be Trans clinics for kids again in my opinion.
If anyone wants to transition wait until they are over 18 then they can then make that decision.
Many then once they go through gender counselling find out they are not trans and have some other issues and can get the help and guidance to help themselves with those issues.

Children are NOT 'trans', society and social contagion says they might be 'trans' and some people direct them that way. She is probably confused, maybe going through puberty and questioning (as MOST young people do).

Listen and don't affirm, don't buy into the stereotypical crap that if she doesn't conform to a girly girl then she must be a boy.

Listen and don't judge, accept she is confused and ask for time and space where you can both just make no decisions. Some YP rush and then struggle to turn back until much later. Watch the detransition stories together - they are horrific and should be shown to any young person who things they are in the wrong body. The current social contagion bullshit is gradually being pulled away and the sensible are fighting back to save their children. The stupid woke parents will regret in a decade or so the abuse and mental health problems they are contributing in their own children. It's abuse to say that you can change sex when factually you cannot.

This.

The very tiny number that truly feel they don't in the sex they were born to. The huge numbers that jump on the bandwagon because it gives them attention, me me time, social contagion etc need saving from themselves, their youth and the abusive gender Borg and the woke parents who think they are helping their children - they are actually abusive towards them.

I wonder how OP and daughter are getting on. I hope they got to talk.

We're doing a lot better now. Thank you for all these responses, they really helped. It really was just a phase, a very short one thankfully. I think it only lasted about 2 months before she realised it didn't really make sense. I did my best throughout that time to respect her but we had a lot of arguments as I wouldn't allow her to use a binder or pills. She's really thankful for that now. She did cut her hair really short and regrets that and is growing it out now but that wasn't an issue anyway. I'm really happy that we got through this and I don't think she will come out as trans again but if she does hopefully it'll be when she's above 18 so she's in a more clear head of space.

I think it really is social media and friends who changed her view. She's a lot happier now as well, so it definitely took a lot out of her mental health before. I'm just glad we're okay now. 😊

Yay - well done, OP!

Take her off social media,
stop peddling the narrative with 'trans rights'
Tell her she's free to do what she wants when she's an adult.

Oh that's great news, thanks for the update.

My DS is trans

Yes yes absolutely this!

Just before someone come along and start attacking me- look at the detransition stories.

Just take it slowly. Encourage the hair and clothing and casually point out that these styles have always been available to them.

Tell them you need a lot more information and you need some full discussions. I'd be very blunt and say you won't tolerate any attacks or accusations of deadnaming or 'literal violence' if you make a mistake, as that is deeply ageist. Older people can't remember to switch and change as easily as younger ones - so you expect to be treated kindly and respectfully as you come to terms with this information.

I think if I could i would ask loads of questions and just listen to the answers without judgement. When did they start thinking this? What does it mean to think you are a boy?

I would say to them that binders and other options that can cause permanent damage are not things you can endorse right now. That's not Terfy or anti-trans - it's just that they and you need the full facts from all sides, including detransitioners, before making decisions that could cause physical damage.

The best thing you can do for your child is love them for who they are and try and help them the best way you can. Talk to them and make sure they know you’re in their corner and are looking out for their best interests. I understand your fears around broken ribs from binders but with good reputable brands this is not the case, injuries come from improper binding like many binders with clasps down the side as the pressure is not distributed properly. Maybe wait for hormones as they’ve only felt this way for 3 months but if this persists for 2+ years you can look into it. Also I’ve used `they‘ through this post just to show with practice and extra thought it’s as natural as he or she.

Great news, OP! Thank you for sharing. I hope all continues well for bother of you.

Just noting that the only study on the health effects of binders found that commercial binders had worse outcomes than 'DIY' bandages or similar.

There were many associated health detriments for almost all of those who practised binding.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27300085/

'Over 97% reported at least one of 28 negative outcomes attributed to binding. Frequency (days/week) was consistently associated with negative outcomes (22/28 outcomes). Compression methods associated with symptoms were commercial binders (20/28), elastic bandages (14/28) and duct tape or plastic wrap (13/28)'

Thank you Arabella.

I think readers should be very wary of any person saying that Binders are 'safe' in any instance and 'just use reputable brands.' That is misinformation and it is very harmful to post that kind of misinformation.