DS's odd thought process/counselling... (also my own feelings!)

[OuiOuiMonAmi]

DS (15) thinks he might want hormone therapy in the future as he thinks he might want to trans to female. At the moment he's not sure - he says that he's undecided and he could imagine being equally happy being a male as being a female (so he doesn't have gender dysphoria). He's made enquiries about how to get hormone therapy and says he "wants to get the ball rolling" in case he decides to go down that route later. Surely that's not possible though? I'd imagine you can only start to access the process once you are sure that's what you want?

Also, he's asked me to take him to the GP to get a referral to a counsellor, to talk through his feelings and to basically find out if he's male or female. I can understand wanting to talk to someone about your feelings but nobody can tell him what he is - only he knows that! Would any NHS counsellor be able to deal with this or can you only access counselling if you have gender dysphoria?

Lastly (sorry this is a lot of questions in one post!), how on EARTH do you cope with the prospect of 'losing' your child? I am utterly heartbroken at the prospect :( DD quite rightly says that he'd be the same person inside - but I can't help but feel like I'd be losing him (even the idea of his name changing is hard to bear). It's absolutely intolerable :(

I am so sorry you are going through this. Don't make any decision now, don't affirm, don't enable, just watch and wait.
Seek advice from genspect.org and bayswatersupport.org.uk.

Thanks so much, Megapaws! I will look at those websites...

I wonder if he's more certain than he's letting on to you because he's being careful with your feelings. It sounds like he's aware that him transitioning would be an upsetting prospect for you (as it would for any parent). He sounds very thoughtful

Please look at a wide variety of information sources, including gendered intelligence, all-sorts youth project. The organisations already recommended to you have a very specific focus.

How tediously unoriginal of him. Half the kids at his school are probably talking about this right now. He can make his own appointment at the GP at his age and take it from there. I would practise a look of extreme boredom when he talks about it.

The NHS stuff is quite up in the air at the moment with GIDS being closer down and the new replacements not really existing. The NHS service is for children and adolescents who are suffering gender distress though, it’s not for those who want to look different as part of an identity or tribe, so the GP might not want to refer to Paediatric gender services at all?
in which case, it’s either waiting to 17 and a half and requesting a referral to adult services or going private (only the dodgy offshore ‘clinic’ will prescribe to under 18s).

We’ve just tried to delay as much as we can and have made it clear that any private services will need to be self funded. Luckily, so far DsD has shown no interest in getting a part time job (although we are dreading her being able to access her New Labour ‘trust fund’ account in 18 months time! 😬)

I have posted more on this thread, you might find some useful info over there: www.mumsnet.com/talk/lgbt_children/4720839-my-son-thinks-hes-trans-but-i-really-dont-does-that-make-me-a-bad-parent?

It’s perfectly normal to not want your child, even an adult child, to voluntarily sign up to being a medical patient for life 💐

Thanks for the further comments. Sorry you're going through the same thing, ClogLady!) I saw a GP yesterday and he said it was the first case he'd come across so he had to check about who to refer to, if anyone. I did stress that DS isn't in distress so I realised they may not be able to help. Will wait and see, I guess!

You might end up with a referral to a local CAMHS team for now - GIDS is earmarked for closure ‘in spring’ and as distressed kids on a very long wait list is obviously undesirable, they are looking into the general mental wellness of adolescent referrals.

Your GP’s paperwork will be sent to NHS Arden and Greater East Midlands who ‘now manage all referrals to Children and Young People’s Gender Dysphoria Service (CYP-GD Service) via their Referral Management Service (RMS)’

info from here:

gids.nhs.uk/referrals/

This is the newly adopted service specification:
www.england.nhs.uk/publication/gender-identity-development-service-for-children-and-adolescent-service-specification/

This is the risk assessment form that your GP will have to fill out:

gids.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/CYP_GD_risk_assessment_form.docx

it seems really unlikely that the NHS CYP service will have space/time for teens who aren’t distressed or dysphoric but I expect they will want to check that your son definitely isn’t distressed!

Just to add the main referral form - looks doubtful that the GP will be able to refer?

Screenshot from the ‘eligibility’ tab:

gids.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/CYP_GD_referral_form_v7.xlsx