Really struggling with adult child being trans

[Strugglingmmumm]

So my adult child 21 came home from Uni for Xmas. Went back yesterday. On the last evening they told me they are going to take hormones and want to have surgery etc. I have known for about a year that they identify as non binary and use the pronouns they/them. I am sorry if this offends anyone who is trans or has trans kids etc but I am feeling absolutely devastated. I can’t stop crying and it feels like one of the worst things that has ever happened in my life. They know that I am not happy about it because of things I have said in the past before they said anything. I have tried to reassure them that I will support them but I just wish so much that they wouldn’t do it. I honestly don’t even know if I can really support them. I feel beyond heartbroken. It will be so hard for me to see the changes I feel like I will be heartbroken for ever, like I will never be able to be OK with this. I really don’t know what to do or how to deal with this.

Thing is_ okis that decades ago we did not see suicides caused by lack of transition options. Suicide rates sadly in general are rising now at the same time as transition becomes normalised. Not down.

I also know that when you search online for support around dismorphia suicide is brought up very quickly. You are coached to talk about suicide if you want to convince anyone about how you feel.

That strikes me as a type of emotional manipulation rather than honesty

Not saying that such idea never crossed by head in my teens but not as a truly serious option

Am saying that when this whole thing exploded I did also suffer from some down moments when I thought about how life could be different and whether I should go for it. Then I realised what was happening and how wrong it would be - to harm myself because other people can't see who o really am and may treat me badly as a result

There’s a forum for discussion for parents.

gendercriticalresources.com/Support/forumdisplay.php?fid=24

take joy in the fact that your child feels safe and secure enough to express their identity to you, even though you have expressed opinions against things like that in the past. your personal discomfort is not worth sacrificing your relationship with them over. they are an adult and have the right to make decisions about their body and the way they expect to be treated, and simply respecting that is the easiest and best option.

Social contagion and trans has been rebuffed:

www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna41392

Load of bollocks

study senior author Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, director of the National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center at the Fenway Institute and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

Indeed.

Tell that to the teacher of my DD’s class (1/3 of the class trans or NB -10 out of 30).

If you say so.

Look at the most recent letter from Hilary Cass re: waiting lists at adult GICs have a disproportionate number of under 25s.

The evidence of social contagion exists, sadly some folx are in denial.

Even if it does exist, so what?

It's great that one person coming out gives others the confidence to do so, no?

It's a bit like how there was a 'social contagion' of people finally feeling they could be openly be gay when it was decriminalised in the late, 60s.

Of course social contagion exists. Where were all these dysphoric kids 20 years ago??

For some reason on this topic people with an obvious agenda or a vested interest get stuff published as if it's of actual scientific value.

Even if it does exist, so what?

I'm not going to celebrate or feel good about high numbers if children and young people saying, "I hate my body." I will not be someone who agrees with them.

Sorry @MadamAndTheAnts but lots of people don't think its "great" that more and more kids are struggling with their identity and on a path to permanent medical treatments.

For some reason on this topic people with an obvious agenda or a vested interest get stuff published as if it's of actual scientific value.

Yeah, it's extraordinary. The link upthread provided as proof that social contagion doesn't exist turns out to be a study conducted by someone who directly benefits from trans being a thing but being linked to with a completely straight face. How stupid do you have to be to accept that as something that disproves the clear, unambiguous evidence that social contagion is a factor?

Because a new presentation of gender Dysphoria/gender incongruence may not respond to the old treatment protocol.

and going from less than 1% of all ages and both sexes to 33% of 15 year olds (all female) would suggest a new presentation.

and either the 33% is replicated beyond that class which would be a real wtf? Moment
or it’s specific to that class which is a different sort of wtf moment.

I know trans adults who have never met another trans adult outside of a specific LGBT event or space.
For ten 15 year old transmasculine people to randomly end up in a single class at a standard sized comprehensive school is nonsensical.

care to share this evidence you have?

Most won’t seek any treatment though, so what’s the problem?

Just ask Uncle Google. Cass update, oh, and Marcie Bowers.

study senior author Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, director of the National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center at the Fenway Institute and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

It's in the article you posted yourself.

Where’s your evidence for that?

Social transition itself is a psychosocial intervention in normal child development.

If you can’t post it here, I’ll take that as a failure

And if you can’t Google Cass I’ll take THAT as a failure.

The difference between us is that all the emerging evidence points towards a social contagion and none away from it, so give it six months and even y’all folx won’t be able to deny it.

“Y’all folx”??

are we at some sort of rodeo?

Nope.

Where were they 20 years ago? They had no community 20 years ago, they knew they would most likely face rejection from everybody and ruin their lives if they tried anything. So they just told themselves they were gay or lesbian and repressed it. People don't have to do that as much now and are more willing to come out and try and fix it before its too late.

Is there social contagion, probably. But there's also real trans people finally getting to live their lives instead of being doomed to misery and regret.