Trans Desistance

[Confusedmum71]

In light of the recent research that says ROGD is not backed up by scientific evidence, I am wondering if that fits with parental experiences?
Are there any parents willing to share updates on their trans children? Especially teenage girls.
I was content with a watchful waiting approach, safe in the knowledge that a large proportion of teens desist in the absence of interventions, but my anxieties are resurfacing in light of this new research.
thank you

Thanks for the links AgnestaVipers,* *the study article was fascinating.

Thank you to all who’ve recommended resources and congrats to anyone who’s found a decent therapist. We had hoped CAMHS might provide a voice of reason but the psychotherapist, having spent all of an hour with DD, decided to tell us (in front of DD) that changing name and pronouns was absolutely fine and a benign course of action, and that maybe we should consider puberty blockers as they’re ‘totally reversible’.
Helpful not. Could cheerfully take a copy of the Cass report and ram it down her throat!

So sorry Confusedmum71, CAMHS do not seem to be a port in the storm for anyone, they weren't for us.

There's no scan, blood test etc to prove autism, ADHD, dyslexia. They still exist.

The paper being discussed shows a slight decline in incidence of children identifying as trans. I don't interpret that as an 'explosion'.

I think perspective offered earlier, considering trans to be one facet of identity not the whole, is useful.

I think perspective offered earlier, considering trans to be one facet of identity not the whole, is useful.

And if that's what it is, it is really no different form the gender non-conforming kids of the 80's and 90's (and probably forever but I will only talk from my own experience), but the difference now is the medical interventions which I think can not only make things so much worse mentally (for some) but also be a never ending 'make it all better' bullet.

We are through the other side! With No help from any medical professionals. Tavistock were quick to just accept what child was saying. So I refused to attend appointments, just kept delaying…..
Kept DC VERY busy with no time to think, as too much thinking lead to self harm and confusion etc.
DC now thanks us so much for helping them get ‘through it’. It’s only my experience with mine, but loads of love and no time to dwell certainly helped

Yaaaaaaay! Can I ask how long?

Three years, from middle year 10 to end of sixth form.

Just got something in my eye, that's all!

Hardest three years ever, but never give up on them, love them whatever. If our outcome had been different, I knew it would absolutely have been genuine.

It’s not about statistics or new language! It’s about a child, who is really lost and needs real love and support.

Yes absolutely x

Although I should say I agree wholeheartedly for an individual, but at a national or international level, it IS the statistics and change of language which are alarming!

Oh I’m so, so pleased for you. Now you can breathe again.
hopefully the rest of us will be able to do the same at some point.

Sending all my love to all who are struggling, both parents and children, hang on in there. Love each other

This is amazing news. 😊

It seems like you have your head screwed on straight OP, but I'll say it anyway - under no circumstances let your child take hormones or get surgery. It might take time but with a loving, understanding but not enabling environment they will desist. The ideology is so rampant and it's massively socially influenced as being trans is rewarded with social points from peers for being "brave". Every teen goes through an identity crisis and thinks there's something wrong or different about them, unfortunately this is now being diagnosed by peers and those with ulterior motives as being "trans" when actually it's just that puberty is really awkward and no one likes it. This especially affects girls as they start having more womanly features and may want to escape newfound male attention that makes them feel icky and vulnerable. So they want to reject the feminine and become more masculine like a shield. It also massively affects girls with diagnosed and undiagnosed autism, as the feeling of not fitting in is exacerbated, and the tendency to mask and do anything to be accepted is even higher than in NT girls. I wish you and everyone else in the thread all the luck in the world. If I were in your situation I wouldn't be using alternative names or pronouns, and I would demand that others abide by my choice or not be allowed to be around my child because they're affirming nonsense and mental illness. If someone who was anorexic said "I'm fat" we wouldn't respond by affirming saying "yeah you are fat" because it's dangerous and could kill them. The same goes for children suffering with gender dysphoria. I think a key part is explaining that no one likes puberty, it's uncomfortable for everyone, and feeling ill-at-ease with your body during this time is perfectly normal. It doesn't mean you're in the wrong body, it actually means you're more normal than you can imagine! It will get better and it will subside. It sounds like you love your child, keep them in good company and gently discourage any associations that seem to make the dysphoria worse - however you think will work best as only you k ow your child. Good luck everyone 🤍

Trans nephew still very much there 2 years down the line, but it's not really an issue as he doesn't seem to want any medical intervention or to 'present' as male, has a lot to do with him probably being on autism spectrum, but overall has been positive for him. He's been happier and more confident and maybe he'll find another way to be so, or keep identifying as male, who knows. I don't think any kind of peer thing brought it about for him, he's very much his own person.

My oldest (14) is non binary, been going on about 9 months now although they had hinted things were going that way about 6 months before then. Has several enby friends - only one has any dysphoria issues. I will be interested to see how the next few years go. The whole LGBTQ+ scene has been a source of positivity for DC - they've got nice friends through it, they have fun, it's all very positive; they spot other enby kids in public and chat to them and have made some friends that way too, which is kind of cute. I do follow who they follow on social media and again, it's all fun, happy stuff - I keep an eye to check it's not drifting towards miserable, alienated stuff (as there is that side to it among teens as well). My main concern, if any, is that they don't head towards dysphoria - they say they are happy with their body and I feel pretty confident they are. Again, maybe they'll keep identifying as non-binary, maybe it'll just be a trend and they'll stop but as long as it's a force for positive stuff in their life, it's not an issue.

@PewterHeart it's not very helpful telling people not to let their kid take hormones or get surgery. Mine is 18 and if that's what she wants to happen do you think I would be able to stop it?

I have done everything in my power to allow space and time and slow things down but as parents we are not necessarily in control. What I have had to do is accept that she is a separate person and that despite what I feel and despite the fact that I don't believe hormones or surgery would improve her life (quite the opposite) and despite the fact that we are close I cannot stop this happening.

It is so very hard when it is your child caught up in this. It simply does not occur to my DD that she would require my permission for anything! She's pierced ears, shaved her head, done her own tattoos etc and there is bugger all I can do!

Solidarity with anyone on this road.

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to come across that way! I really feel for you and of course sometimes it's out of your control and that's not your fault or anything to feel guilty about! The ideology is so pervasive it's difficult to know what happening even when you know them so well it can come out of nowhere. I only meant it as an "if you can help it" thing. I understand not everyone is in the position to stop it especially when they are legally adults and no longer need parental permission. I hope everything works out for you and your DD 🤍

Understood @PewterHeart .

Preventing any medical intervention has been our no. 1 concern.

It comes from all angles though - a random mum of a friend of DD's took it upon herself to send me medical studies about early testosterone treatments and the benefits (I barely knew her). The GP is sometimes good sometimes terrible if you get the wrong one (blathering on to DD about how traumatic her periods must be when she had not mentioned them, bringing up hormone treatment when we were there to talk about something else).

An old GP friend of DH's telling us "when they know they know" as if we were damaging her by not rushing for treatment. She was an authority because she's a doctor but she knew nothing about my D. The Tavistock was a mine field but somehow we got out unscathed. The only bummer is the referral to adult services which D was lukewarm about but which the social worker pushed through anyway.

Well meaning adults with F all knowledge and full commitment to the ideology. I wonder would they be so keen for a lifetime as a medical patient if it was their own kid?

The Wall Street Journal has published a thoughtful comment piece on the Jack Turban study:

www.wsj.com/amp/articles/the-american-academy-of-pediatrics-dubious-transgender-science-jack-turban-research-social-contagion-gender-dysphoria-puberty-blockers-uk-11660732791

if the link hits a paywall you should be able to access it by Googling the title and going in that way, it’s called ‘The American Academy of Pediatrics’ Dubious Transgender Science’

this is the closing paragraph:

“The AAP has stifled debate on how best to treat youth in distress over their bodies, shut down efforts by critics to present better scientific approaches at conferences, used technicalities to suppress resolutions to bring it into line with better-informed European countries, and put its thumb on the scale at Pediatrics in favor of a shoddy but politically correct research agenda. Its preference for fashionable political positions over evidence-based medicine is a disservice to member physicians, parents and children.”

Dr. Mason is a pediatrician. Mr. Sapir is a fellow at the Manhattan Institute.

This probably seems a stupid question but how do you keep your kids busy, to distract them from trans ideology? It's a genuine question, looking for ideas. I work and there's only so many clubs my kid can go to. And also, is it feasible to get them off their phones? My daughter's phone is her social life and her downtime. I can see these are great ideas in principle, but how do you actually do them?

I think some kids are just going to have to go through this, like those who find religion in their teens but it peters out in their twenties. It's too big, I don't think keeping busy will keep this phenomenon away, I think that's so that if your child does think they're transgender, it's not the only thing they are thinking about. I just don't think you can stop all avenues of social influence - I wish I could of course! - but certainly for us we are living through something and we will see where we end up... Having said that a lot of trans identity questioning started during lockdown so actual real life may be helping, the 'real life' club. Do you have any concerns already?

Yes, my daughter wants to change pronouns, etc. It started in lockdown and definitely increases after she has a few days of looking at her phone. For example, during the summer, the pronouns issue disappeared. Then once normal routine started and she had a few rainy weekends when friends were not doing much and she was on her phone more, it started up again. The problem is if I am busy those weekends, it is hard to substitute the phone. I was also into religion in my teens and then it petered out naturally. I gave this to her as an example and she said, well, you had your explorations, let me have this.