Dd 14 just told me she's gay

[arewethereyetmum78]

Hi everyone, sorry total newbie here and just hoping I've handled this all ok. So I borrowed dd14 phone to Google something and she had a tab open about non binary. I waited a bit then asked her about it. She said she'd been watching something where a character was non binary and wanted to know more about it. Fair enough, I do the same. She then stopped but I could tell she had more to say so I just asked if she was non binary but she said no definitely not. She then volunteered that she wasn't interested in boys and admitted that she maybe liked girls. I've suspected for a while but never asked but have always let her know that I'm here if she needs to talk.

I just don't know where to go from here. Shes asked me not to tell dh. Her twin sister knows and her friends. I've sneaked off to the shower for a cry. Not because I'm sad or upset but I'm sad that her life is going to possibly be harder and I that she has been hurting and worrying about telling me and scared of her dad finding out. I just want to support her.

Sorry if this is a ramble but just need some views and support from other parents who have been in this position.

You did well with supporting her, OP.
I come from a homophobic and sadly racist family and I understand about wanting acceptance.

arewethereyetmum78 you are doing everything right and being great.

Of course you can respond and feel anyway you want to feel about things. Life can be harder for lesbians and gay men etc but some attitudes are changing. Yes, some people are clueless about issues so ignore any nasty comments on here.

So glad you have a relationship where she could confide in you!

Please don’t call it a phase or question it!!! Parents of straight kids would never ask or assume that their child’s heterosexuality is a phase, so please don’t go there.

I say this as a gay woman in her 30s.

My Daily Mail reading father has been amazing and so has my 96 year old Daily Express reading grandmother!

Please don’t cry! Your daughter may experience some homophobia. But on the whole I hope she is like me and my lesbian friends, and experiences similar ups and downs to straight people.

Celebrate her and let her know how much you love her. That you don’t see her as ‘less’. Even if it feels obvious to you, let her know her identify and future relationships are just as valid as if she were straight. Even if this is obvious to you, please say it out loud to her.

Please don’t mourn potential future grandkids. (Lesbians do have kids! I’m a mother! And not all straight people have kids).

All the best to you all!

Also, in response to a PP’s comment re your child’s ‘sex life’ - being gay/lesbian isn’t just about sex. It’s a major part of who a person is.

I think I'll let it go for a few days then broach the subject of telling him again. I can't not tell him forever

Please don't push her to tell her dad before she's ready, and do not violate her privacy by telling him yourself without her permission. Breaking her trust like that could have very serious, very long lasting repercussions. It can be very difficult for any teen girl to talk about sexual issues with their dad. She will let him know when she is ready.

By the way, I think you're doing brilliantly, even though you've had some tears. I'm confident your daughter will do well with your support.