7yo daughter tells people she’s a boy

[Happydays87]

Morning- first post for me, looking for some experienced advice pls

Our 7yo daughter loves boys clothes, shoes & wont entertain anything else. She’s always been allowed to choose. She’s happy to socialise with all children, but main friendships are always with boys... fine with us.

Just over a year ago she asked if she could shave her hair off, we let her. No problem, it suits her fine and it’s practical (no more headlice, woo!)

We’ve noticed in the last 6 months whenever she meets new children, she will tell them she’s a boy. They always assume she is anyway; during play when they say “he” she won’t correct them. It’s a mix of both - sometimes she tells them she’s a boy, sometimes she just doesn’t correct. I saw a boy the other day ask why she had some girls stuff in her bedroom, she said it was her sisters ! (Hasn’t got one )

My thoughts so far are that other children don’t really care if she’s “he or she”, they just want to get on and play. I feel sad that she’s not confident enough to tell people she’s a girl but enjoys being different & that’s OK?

For info There are a few things which OH will not allow- wearing boys swim trunks and no top (she has a plain costume), wearing boys boxer shorts. She has plain girls school shoes.

He has told her that lying isn’t OK, we are proud of her and happy for her to have freedom to choose, but he says she won’t build trusting friendships with people if she lies all the time ... my worry is OH has said she will no longer be allowed to wear boys clothes if she continues to lie about who she is! I don’t want to do more harm than good. (Would prefer not to start having huge bust ups at home either!)

Thanks

As long as she's happy and not upsetting her then let her be. Clothes are clothes, toys are toys and she can pick and choose which she wants from the various options available.
The division between boys and girls and clothes and toys is nothing more than a social construct which can be ignored.

Hi, It sounds like a child I am aware of who identified as a boy aged 6. They were given room to explore by their parents and went through a social transition as they changed schools after a year of living at home in this way. The answer really is are they persistent in this...if they are they yes they way well be trans which is fine - it's just another part of life's rich tapestry. My friends child is now moving to senior school still as the boy she is - as a family they found support from other parents via groups like Allsorts www.allsortsyouth.org.uk/ and eventually got a referral to the Tavistok clinic in London. It has been a long slow journey but one happy child is the result. Good luck to you and your child. xxx

vickyjgo

Vicky you have turned up on a pile of old zombie threads today to advertise Allsorts and Mermaids.
Are you the parent of an LGBT child? Please let the parents in the LGBT parents section give each other some peer support as they deal with difficult issues.
This isn't the place to advertise.

Hi Dandelions - wow I hadn't notices how old this thread was! Still good advice is good advice even if it is 3 months too late! Vicky

Plenty of girls are persistent for a number of years that they do not wish to identify as female this changes as they approach puberty. I have heard staff from that clinic interviewed on the radio and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

In my experience, it's fine to allow children to decide not to be stereotyped by gender and allow people to refer to them using whatever pronoun they assume is appropriate. This shouldn't be driven by adults either way and shouldn't be cause for comment or accusations of dishonesty.

OP, I hope you've found a good way forward with this.

She’s fine. Perhaps stop labelling things “boys and girls”.

And for the love of everything holy do NOT go near Mermaids or Allsorts. Just confirm there are lots of ways to be a girl and she’s perfect as she is in her healthy, strong, beautiful body.